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Having been through a marriage where my ex was quite abusive, I am familiar with what constitutes controlling behavior but I felt quite sad to read in the link above "Coercive Control Checklist:  14 signs your partner is trying to control you", that "less than one in six teenage girls were able to recognise the types of behaviours that are classed as controlling."

I appreciate that this information is out there - thank you for providing it and I hope others share with girls the types of behaviours to look out for.

I have a suggestion, but I need to be careful because the rules say you have to say warning trigger topic when you talk about God, but since you mentioned God in your title I thought you might be open to hearing what has helped me with the abuse I experienced for so long and the flashbacks that I have afterwards

i visited an abuse website and was shocked when the moderator was hostile towards a member who was trying to ask for help with their abusive spouse.  The member even said so.  Before I knew it another moderator got on me and said i was attacking the person for pointing out that the moderators behavior was hostile- i tried to communicate in a polite way with the administrator and was really shocked when their reply was shut up and stop it. Then this administrator blocked me from the site!  A supposedly safe place like that should have had moderators that weren't abusive - and if they were you would think the administrator would address it differently.  I couldn't believe it.  I know the moderator and owner are obviously struggling with abuse themselves, but all day today i have been struggling with emotional flashbacks to my abusive ex who would hurt me like this and not care and blame me.  How do you deal with emotional flashbacks like this? I find i lose a lot of time from it when i could be more productive taking care of stuff i need to do.

i think getting it all out like you were saying NarcKiddo is helpful because it has a "witness" - it has an opportunity to be viewed by people who care, by people who can see and state that its wrong.  Having experienced abuse by my ex it's frustrating to have had it gone unaddressed - not that i didn't try to address it, oh, i did that a lot and got hit for it, etc, but I was unwilling for it to fly unchallenged.  Letting others know about it I think is healthy cause you can put it in the light of day and let it be challenged by healthy right thinking/emotions.  I notice when i journal things that trouble me i feel better - Lots of sick people out there for sure - it's appalling and shocking.  I am just so grateful that there are people like us who don't hurt others, who have empathy, who care when others hurt.  Thank you all for taking the time to express your thoughts - without that, the ugly abuse thrives and grows unchecked.

oh my gosh NarcKiddo - thank you SO MUCH for sharing the solution your therapist gave you - Yes, this is exactly what i do - its tortuous isn't it? To feel so compelled to think about what could go wrong and then, how could i handle that?  could I?  wave of terror, repeat - its so exhausting.  It's such a relief to know someone else feels this way!!!     I was just listening to this video put out for soldiers and although i'm not a soldier I think it would help anyone with CPTSD who has experienced traumatic situations and people.  https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/coping_RESET.asp  (scroll down half way on the page and watch the "reset" video.  In it she talks about how to deal with troubling thoughts - the more we try to manage them the harder they are to manage and she gives 4 things that can be done - I hope this video helps you and others - i think it could help me as well.  Again NarcKiddo - i'm very grateful for you sharing your therapists thoughts - I NEVER thought of doing the things she suggested and I really think it will help me!   Best, Sky.

I appreciate what you said RainyDiary.  As I was thinking about this I thought of a technique I heard of recently called Acceptance - instead of seeing the Worse Case Scenario thoughts as staying with me I could just see them on leaves floating down a river and away.  Somehow I thought that might be worth a try.

i have CPTSD from years of abuse from my ex husband.  Now i have worse case scenario thinking and feel completely at its mercy - often feeling completely terrified. i try to apply CBT and alter my thoughts but the WCS thinking seems overwhelming.  I'd be interested in hearing what others do who experience this problem.

I know intense emotions are one sign I'm in an emotional flashback, but then I always say to myself - but maybe I'm just having these intense emotions about the present situation because of a present situation (that doesn't involve abuse).  I've read that its easier to know you are having a PTSD flashback because there are more signs (visual memories of specific events) but with CPTSD there is just the emotional stuff - it's frustrating to try to figure out if I'm in an emotional flashback.  Would love to hear others thoughts on this.

thank you to those who have replied so far - very kind of you to do that!  Its a big relief to hear i may be predisposed to catastrophizing because of the past trauma - I was wondering if that was true.  Also notice that sorting through emotions is easier when i've had enough sleep.  Unfortunately the challenging of catastrophizing doesn't work well for me - challenges like "how likely do you think it is that your worst case scenario thought will occur?" seem ludicrous to me because if i thought it wasn't very likely then i wouldn't be so intent on thinking it, so i must think its pretty likely! Sometimes i think i cling to it because i think it protects me somehow - but it sure is uncomfortable thinking it. 

I don't know what to do about this "double" thing that happens...

I'll be feeling anxious about a current situation (medical), feeling out of control and anxious i'll get hurt.
This triggers flashbacks to when i got hurt and was out of control of a situation in the past with an abusive husband.

The "emotional" flashback "colors" the present situation with extreme emotions (worst case scenarios usually), and its difficult to sort out and deal with the "normal" anxiety one would feel with a medical situation. 

I find myself applying worst case scenario thoughts to present medical situation and believing they are true.  Having the emotional flashback emotions at the same time as the present situations anxiety is really confusing. 

Does anyone have this difficulty?

Thank you for that clarification Kizzie,
I don't know a whole lot about flashbacks, just beginning to read about it online.  Its interesting that you wrote EF because I think that means emotional flashback (from what I've been reading on this site) - and I was wondering if that was the type I was having. For you to refer to what I wrote as an EF matches what I've been thinking they are - its wonderful to have a direction on it because it gives me hope that there is help for it out there :-)

I've read only a tiny bit about HSP in the past and will definitely check out the link you gave.  Just wanted also to mention that as I've been looking at different things through this site - your entries always seem so attentive and compassionate - that is like an oasis - thank you so much for your kindness :-)

Ah, thanks I'll do that!

I also wanted to thank those who replied - it makes things so much easier when you know you are not alone with the things you feel!

I'm sorry if that last thing I said about my ex husband was a trigger for anyone - I looked for the thing they talked about on here about putting trigger alerts on your message if one thinks it could trigger anyone - but iI couldn't find it.

Thank you for understanding - it is overwelming - and frustrating because I know that the true answer lies in the way I am thinking about the problem-i learned that it is not the situation that causes me to feel a certain way but the way that I think about it and yet when it occurs I am overtaken.

I appreciate the tips about laws and landlords - I have a plan of action - cover with plugs or headphones or if its too loudly there is always the police option which I reserve for the really loud stuff - fortunately that isn't very often -moving likely isn't a resolution either as there is always someone who is inconsiderate and loud. 

I have tried the soothing technique of lacing my fingers together on my lap - somehow it is calming.

I wonder if at times I have flashbacks because it is so bad I breathe heavy and I feel shaky and a bit disconnected from my surroundings.  All I can think of is them - I can't concentrate on anything else.

I've heard of phonophobia and wonder if that is my problem.  My ex husband was physically abusive for many years and he would come up close to me 'very angry and loud and hit me.

thank you keepfighting and Hysperger for your replies.
i am usually in touch with these types in three places
on the bus (loud talkers who are angry for example)
at work when people are talking really loudly.
in my apt building (loud neighbors who slam doors and stomp out of their apts and down the stairs)
I can wear earplugs and music to drown it out, but i don't like to always have to do that.
i also really dislike the concept of exposure therapy and know i will need to try it someday, but i'm not ready for that now.
i get really tense and angry!
any suggestions would be most helpful (i've googled and haven't come up with much)