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Messages - Rainagain

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General Discussion / Re: Automatic intrusive thinking on wakening.
« on: October 10, 2020, 12:54:18 PM »
Hello again,

Sorry you are stuck with this, as you hadn't posted for a long time I hoped things had improved for you.

According to Jordan Petersen one way to approach this is to calm the amygdala by having a strategy to prevent future victimisation. I dont have the specific link but it was interesting, he says the strategy doesnt need to be brilliant, just the fact that you are in some way prepared to deal with future trauma calms the hindbrain.

My intrusive thoughts seemed grouped with other stuff, collectively all of those symptoms get worse when I feel extra stressed by people and slowly calm down when I avoid stressful people.

General Discussion / Re: Itchiness (& Anxiety?)
« on: September 07, 2020, 01:14:10 AM »
I have scalp psoriasis due to stress, it responds to coal tar shampoo. Might be worth a try

General Discussion / Re: Problems with reading
« on: July 31, 2020, 11:58:11 PM »

I have noticed that I cannot focus on reading when I am having a particularly difficult time, after a few weeks or months it seems to ease. Not sure why.

There is also a condition called hyperlexia which might be worth looking up.

General Discussion / Re: Ptsd or cptsd
« on: July 06, 2020, 10:38:14 PM »

As you mention that the trauma went on for years cptsd is quite likely I think.

I have been diagnosed by different psychiatrists as having both, but that maybe because not all of them recognise cptsd as a separate diagnosis where I am from, it's a bit of a muddle.

Keep posting, it's a useful part of getting some understanding and some control, that has been my experience on here.

General Discussion / Re: Anger
« on: June 30, 2020, 10:04:49 PM »
Wow OS,

It's interesting that you dont know the physiological anger responses, the 'fight' part of fight/flight, it's such a hard wired part if me that it's like the clothes I wear.

I was trained as a biologist so I know them well I guess.

The usual anger/aggression response in people is warning signs such as agitation, red face, expansive gestures, pacing about, raised voice with perhaps jumbled speech followed by the main event when the hind brain kicks in, the danger signs then are the face gets pale, fixed stare, lowered head (to protect throat), little or no speech, shallow panting. The body is preparing to attack and everything unrelated to fight/flight shuts down, higher brain function, digestive system etc., blood and adrenaline and sugars divert to the lungs and muscles.

Some people anger easily but dont go into the true final physiological response phase of fight/flight.

I dont anger easily but when I do i dont do the warning signs, I dont get obviously angry with the forebrain, I suppress it until the hindbrain takes over control, it can happen very quickly if I am threatened and I cant get away.

It feels like my chest is tight, my arms are rigid and a pressure is building up inside.

I worry because my perception of threat is skewed so I might react inappropriately.

I did once have someone who was triggering me like that notice what was going on with me, they were talking at me, pushing my buttons until they suddenly realised it was all going to kick off in a matter of seconds and they stopped and backed off completely. I hadn't said anything, it was only when they stopped talking that I realised I was poised ready to jump at them, it had happened without me realising, i was gauging the distance between us which gave the clue to the other person.

Sorry for the lecture, i think about this body response a lot.

I have apnea, I had no idea it could be trauma related, I knew my insomnia was but also hadn't realised that the reason I can have had no insomnia and still wake up exhausted could be the apnea.
Interesting links, thank you.

General Discussion / Re: Anger
« on: June 26, 2020, 04:08:19 AM »
Anger is tricky for me too, I've been thinking about it this week after I became very angry a few days ago.

For me it's about boundaries and thresholds.

I try not to become angry, I try to remain calm and reasonable, especially so when I can feel the anger building up during a situation with someone else.

But sometimes it flares up and takes over.

This time I just left immediately, if my boundaries are trampled I withdraw to put them back in place by physical distance.

If I couldn't withdraw  I could get quite dangerous, the anger is huge and fight/flight takes over.

I know I carry this excessive explosive anger inside so I prepare to withdraw as soon as I feel it building up.

I live with it as I recognise it and although I cannot control it I can manage it so I dont end up on the news.

A big worry is perceived direct aggression from others, that gives me next to no time to get away.

It's a big reason why I live alone and have little social contact.

I think understanding your anger, especially its early signs is key.

For me it starts as a body response, preparing to fight, adrenaline and hind brain taking over. Afterwards when I'm away from the situation the adrenaline burns off as muscle trembling.

I dont know how people conduct angry arguments with others, If I can't escape then i just want to physically attack not shout, argue or be 'normal' angry, can't do that at all.

The good news is that I manage it quite well, I had one incident where someone physically threatened me a few years back and it all went badly for them, but afterwards it turned out that i hadn't reacted excessively after all, just explosively/instantly to stop the threat, which shocked everyone around at the time.

I think that was just lucky for me as I wasn't in control of myself at the time so anything could have happened really.

It can be managed and controlled so it doesn't become a regular problem, but knowing when it's happening is important.

I really understand how bad it makes you feel, it worries me a lot.

General Discussion / Re: Disclosure of MH
« on: April 13, 2020, 06:10:08 AM »
That sounds positive, I hope it works out well for you.

I was struck by your comment that you sometimes don't remember having met people, that happens to me often and can be quite embarrassing.

I try not to appear wierd, things like that give me away.....

I dont think I've seen it mentioned on this forum before, I bet others have this happen to them too.

Hey boats,

I have the same experience, unable to do stuff, living with chronic pain.

I think my inability is mostly down to my mental health really.

I just try not to be too hard on myself over it.

Dont send the email bright light.

There are so many reasons why not i cant put it into words.

Protect your current and future self.

I can relate too,

Dont have any answers, but I'm in the same boat.


That's is exactly where I am, I've avoided stress but have arrived at depressed and unambitious.

It could be a place from which to build something better.

If I could be bothered.

I am trying not to see it as a starting point but to accept it as the new me in my new reality, as the end point.

I think age is relevant, i am mid fifties so it's sort of ok not to be ambitious or connected to other people in the way that it seems younger people are.

I think cptsd is more difficult for younger people, at my age i feel little pressure to fit in, succeed, be sociable etc.

With your dismissive psychologist there could be reasons they didn't want to explore a diagnosis.

Some react badly if people try to suggest they have a condition, they think its impertinent to self diagnose or unhelpful somehow as they dont realise trying to gain answers and understanding is part of recovery.

I have had different diagnoses from different psychiatrists, and during a recent court case the two experts were quite far apart because they had selected different symptoms to give most importance to.

Sometimes I wonder if it's because at different times I have different issues which trouble me the most, but generally I think it's because psychiatry is quite subjective, these people seem more like theatre critics than scientists, they have different opinions about the same events.

Your comment that you dont understand how your manager can blatantly lie is important.

I found that part of the abuse very hard to accept or understand, the disconnect between what you are told and what is clearly going on is quite damaging as it makes no logical sense.

For people who have power and control to lie just undermines the whole relationship with your employer.

When several managers decide to lie it gets overwhelming as you are isolated and outnumbered with nowhere to turn.

My situation ended very badly, take care of yourself, protect yourself where you can and dont trust anything you are told, it's often manipulation.

General Discussion / Re: Disclosure of MH
« on: March 11, 2020, 05:34:21 AM »
How much you disclose is a difficult choice.

I tend to be cautious, and I use PTSD not cptsd as most people have some idea what PTSD is, even if they are wrong.

For me the only benefit of disclosure is that I have then tried to give people the tools to understand, but it is easier to just let people form their own views about me, they will simply do that whatever I say, so i mostly dont bother to explain much at all.

I would go with what feels more comfortable for you and try not to expect too much from it if you do explain.

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