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I completely relate! It was to the point that my sister was kicked out of my parent's house for several reasons, one of which was the refusal to be used as a conduit to me. I made the decision to become estranged in 2013 following their testimony in the legal system against me as retaliation in a custody battle. I don't regret that decision 6 years ago. Previous to that I spent 18 months attempting to reconcile and each time it blew up in my face. I still suffer trauma symptoms from that time period in my life.

I agree boundaries are important. Luckily, the sister saw firsthand what was happening. I always told her that if they wanted information or tried to talk about me to just direct them to me. I reaffirmed with her repeatedly that she didn't deserve to be put in the middle and that their issues with me should be directed to me. Of course, I had cut off contact, but that's not on her, and shouldn't matter in her response.  The rest of the family, unfortunately, could not see past my trauma symptoms, my parent's manipulation and their own self-interests combined.

In extreme cases, you may need to get a restraining order if your boundary of no contact isn't being respected. At least from my experience.

Thank you for posting this.
And this quote I really liked.

"What makes interpersonal trauma distinctive is the subversion of interpersonal trust that it involves. The other person recognizes one's vulnerability and responds to it not with care but by deliberately inflicting harm. The aim of torture has been described as the complete psychological destruction of a person: "the torturer attempts to destroy a victim's sense of being grounded in a family and society as a human being with dreams, hopes and aspirations for the future" (Istanbul Protocol, 1999, p. 45)

I had never thought about foreshortened.. didn't know it was a word. As long as I can remember I always felt I would die early and even today at almost 40 I'm so immersed in living day to day and the short term that things like retirement planning don't even enter the realm of possibility.

We are in some family therapy.. and sometimes it seems to help, but then it feels like everything is sliding backwards all over again.

Everyday I deal with a daughter who threatens multiple harmful things to herself or others, especially me. They say she has RAD, but it's impossible to ever be open to a connection with her because of this, and because of my own issues with CPTSD. Has anyone ever dealt with parenting a RAD child?

Thank you...

I was in a 10 year abusive marriage emotionally, sexually, physically, and have just gone through a 3 year divorce in which I lost all of my family with the exception of one sister when they testified against me for custody. They now treat my abuser as their son and me as someone to warn others about. I've also endured manipulation, lying, and overall emotional abuse from the man who was my lover through the hard times, who helped me have the strength to leave the marriage. I've lost many friends, and gone through a private school principal on two occasions threatening to throw my daughter out of the school despite her thriving because I appeared unapproachable. In the past I've had the ex have counselors try to say I was abusive instead of him, or that I had personality disorders. I've been cleared multiple times, it was just another tactic. I grew up in a cult environment within the evangelical church which also has been lost both me turning away and me being turned away. My child suffers and in the last 5 months has gone to deep places threatening me, and herself harm. She constantly  says and does deliberately hurtful things if I am not exactly what she wants me to be.

Today I suffer from my mind's constant thoughts, flashbacks, rare, but disassociations, I can't stand too much of being around individuals, I'm cold inside, hollow, and my ability to feel anything but pain has been completely lost. I live with the feeling of wanting to find a hole and curl up and hide there. Sex completely terrifies me in the normal sense. I feel like I've lost all ability to have real friendships and that I'm this alien, this monster, completely different from anyone else walking around in a world, but not really a part of it. I'm just watching, observing, even the me that interacts is outside of me, shielded from the poverty within. Normal self care and routine has become impossible to maintain. For a long time I couldn't even write, allow myself to think.

They say I crave interaction and connection, that this is where I draw strength. I see it as a never ending source of pain. I've become the complete opposite of who I used to be. I don't know where to begin. I can say yes, I'm this or that, or this symptom or that, but when it comes to real life, it doesn't make a difference. I question if there is a road away, not even back, for me.