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Messages - Costa

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Over the last few weeks I've gone deeper into facing the unpleasant truths about my childhood. Piercing the denial and acknowledging what really happened and how it's impacted me. I don't have the budget for therapy right now and so I'm doing this work on my own right now.

The relationship with my mother was a huge source of confusion for me. I have long acknowledged that my father was abusive and not a father to me. However, I glossed over a number of incidents that pointed to the fact my mother was equally abusive and neglectful.  :fallingbricks: In fact, it's clear she was my first abuser. Up until a year ago, this very statement would have seemed like an exaggeration or flat out lie.

I'm living with her right now due to financial reasons and it's becoming unbearable. I'm unemployed and with limited funds to move out for the time being. I'm struggling with EFs and feeling hopeless and helpless. I know that I need to move out ASAP and just distance myself from my family for a while for my own sanity and recovery. The more I face and validate my childhood experiences the more * events and patterns I uncover.  :stars: It's overwhelming. I don't have anyone in my life right now that I can speak to about this who will understand and not tell me that I'm exaggerating, blah blah.

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Gwyon thank you for sharing this with us. Ironically, I was going to write a post and refrained from doing so because I was feeling the exact same catch-22. To procrastinate I began reading other posts in the forum and came across yours. Very glad you were unsuccessful in deleting it :) As the other members mentioned, it's very normal for you to feel this way when you're expressing your thoughts and feelings. It's very brave of you to reach out and share in light of how triggering it was for you. For what it's worth, it has inspired me to do the same :)

Please continue to share your thoughts and feelings. I second JamesG comment: "Let rip, we are listening."  :hug:

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