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Thanks for sharing, Safety.

I work in construction irl, so i can't really take any meds that will affect my performance the next day.
I'm not quite the labourer, but i do have to spend time on site and everything. Plus i deal with finances in the office so I can't mess up.

My job feels a bit stressful at the moment, so I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check. Plus there's a heatwave where i am so it is super difficult to get to sleep because of the heat.

I hope we all get the sleep we deserve feel free to use this space to rant about nightmares/bad dreams/disturbed sleep, by the way. I want to hear more about your dreams if you need to talk about them xx

All my love,
Roe

i come bearing lemon vanilla cupcakes

i can make a new batch of any flavour you want if you don't like lemon

Hi Wobbly,

Welcome to this forum! it's nice and lovely and i'm so glad you're here.

Your situation is so similar to mine, and i can relate to your emotions.

What struck me most about you is that you are full of hope despite everything you've experienced. I feel that is amazingly inspirational. Not many people realise that hope is such a powerful tool. I've always said that hope and love are great catalysts for good things to come.

And you are a good thing

All my love,
Roe.

Hi tracyclements,

First off, i want to give you a big welcoming hug to the forum

I think it's safe to say that you'll find quite a few people have been disappointed by the mental healthcare service that they're presented. I think the key here is to not lose hope. I had a brilliant counsellor who couldn't help me more because the *COUGH* national healthcare service *ahem* has "systems" and she admittedly was not equipped with specialist skills to officially diagnose and help me. She did put me at the near front of the waiting list, though, because of the nature of my trauma she felt i needed immediate attention. I'm sorry it didn't work out for me, and i'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I wish everyone could have instantaneous good care given to them. But mental health is a big grey splodge and we have to keep trying again if something doesn't quite work out.

But i'm glad you've found your way to this forum, i think you'll find that people here are warm and welcoming, non-judgmental, and that they are very informed on cptsd. I've found a mini-home here, where i can keep updated with the goings on of cptsd and the sense of community here gives me something i never had - hope.

Traumatic events take away our power, our bravery, our sense of self love, but finding a good community among like-minded people can give us the hope and support we need to keep getting back on that horse.
In a sense, you're right. You are the only one who can save you. You have the power to keep searching for a professional suited to your needs. You have the right to choose who you see. You have the honesty to admit that you need help, and You have the strength to go searching for it. because You deserve it. You deserve help, as we all do. It definitely won't happen overnight, but hopefully having a community will rekindle your strength to try again? Hope and community are very good catalysts for good things to come.

All my love,
Roe.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

I will try re-writing the nightmares, i'm reading up on it now.

I hope it helps me get better sleep!

Thanks again, everyone.

Will have to look again into sitting with my emotions, DeepBlue. It sounds like something that might benefit me if i do it right

All my love,
Roe

Thanks Deep Blue,

I remember my counsellor has mentioned sitting with emotions too, but we never really got to go in depth about it. If you want, i wouldn't mind hearing more about this method

I also don't even know if mine are flashback nightmares i wasn't dreaming about my childhood and all its bitterness, i was dreaming about stuff my inner critic has been shouting at me these few years as i enter a new stage in life (aka my new relationship). Let's just say my partner and i have had a bumpy start to our relationship because of "external factors" and the phrase '3rd party involvement' doesn't even cover it. So i keep having nightmares about not being loved by him, not being loved by everyone in the dream, i dream my teeth and hair all fall out and are crooked, i dream i'm not me, i dream about him choosing to be with someone else instead (more specifically, his ex... who does "haunt" me in real life, because she's found her way onto my social media!)

I'm about to be extremely open now and tell you (and whoever reads this) my latest "problem" that triggers my cptsd and awakens my inner critic.

I don't know if this is triggering, but i'll put a Potential Trigger Warning here
********************************POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING? ******************************
So my partner and i were with different people before we got together. He and I were close friends.
I was together with my ex for 8 years of my life, and had endured verbal and emotional abuse from his mother. She used to look down on me because i was a girl, and she would blame me for her son's questionable exam results. She baby's him, you see. He is extremely close to her. Uncomfortably close.

My partner was together with his ex. He dumped her because he was having feelings for me. I remained with my ex for a few months.

Long story short, my break up was extremely messy, very triggering, and i had to live with my ex for an additional 3 months when we were already broken up due to "issues". Too long to post here, but very happy to share this story with those who are interested.

Anyway, the thing that triggers me a lot is the fact that my partner's ex continues to post very harsh tweets and comments on her social media about us being together, and she continues to follow me on my social media. I'm not sure if she is stalking me, but i know she likes my stuff and shares some of the articles i've shared. She still to this day continues to speak unfairly about us, and i understand everyone needs to grieve, but honestly i am so triggered by her actions that i have nightmares about her, i have nightmares about my bullies at school because they both give me the same emotional demons.

I wish she wouldn't "stalk" me, i wish she would leave us alone on social media but i continue to respect that she is free to express herself because he did break up with her and i suppose i blame myself.

I'm haunted, i need to let this go, but it is extremely triggering and painful, and i hate myself for it.

************************END OF TRIGGER WARNING **************************

So i have these very convoluted nightmares because I am still guilty and i can't believe that someone loves me. my brain won't let me believe that i am not still under threat from this.

I hope one day i can let this go, and find peace within myself and in my partner. I am happy to be where i am, but my cptsd makes it hard for me to be Truly Happy, if you get me?

For now, i just want a good night's sleep

All my love,
Roe

Good suggestions, Rainagain

I do try to nap as much as i can, but that usually means i'm restless in the night haha!

I've tried to do more running to tire myself out but my lungs are not very happy with summer and hayfever right now so i've not been able to do that as much recently. I'll try to get more exercise in anyway

i'm a little scared to go back to sleep tonight this recurring theme is so horrible. I just keep seeing her face... she wasn't my abuser, but she is just something/ someone i find very hard to get over.

All my love,
Roe.

Thanks Finallyfree,

I am so distracted at work today because i am so exhausted. And you know when you can still FEEL the nightmare?? like it was something that really happened, more of a memory than a dream. I'm on guard all day today from it, it's so silly in my mind but my body is reacting big time.

I remember having nightmares since i was a child.

Does anyone know if aromatherapy or other alternative medication works? I have a sneaking suspicion that clinical sleeping aids might make me oversleep and miss my commute train. I could sleep earlier, but i lose a lot of me-time in the evenings

I wish all of us better sleep.

All my love,
Roe

Hi everyone,

So i've had nightmares all my life due to my cptsd. They're usually about my abusers, and recently they've been about a certain Theme that plagues me. My inner critic, my inner child, my hyper-vigilance, they all work together to weave the most distressing nightmares that I find it hard to go to sleep. It's really getting me down. I've just taken a good look at myself in the mirror and there are dark semi-circles forming under my eyes.

With my new job, i work from 7.30am to 4.30pm so it's an extremely early start for me. I've been trying to up my hours of sleep by being in bed by 9, but it doesn't help. I don't think it's the number of hours of sleep, it's the quality of sleep. These nightmares have me feeling in a constantly low mood and i am honestly so exhausted.

The battle rages on in my emotional state, guys. I feel better typing it out here, but i'd honestly like to hear from you guys. Do you still get nightmares? How do you cope? and if you're as exhausted as me, i give you everything i can to soothe you i am so tired...


All my love,
Roe.

p.s. feel free to move this thread to wherever it will be a better fit for, I just put it under general symptoms because i didn't know what else to do. Sorry

Hi Ruby!

Welcome to the forum! Happy to have you here

All my love,
Roe

Hi Jenny,

I can relate very much and am just showing you my love and support. Especially when you say:

I can't think of anything more likely to crush a mother-daughter bond than to be hit and then held until you give up struggling.

********** TRIGGER WARNING ***************
My mother also has post partum depression and used to hit me too. She said it was to "make me strong". and that because i'm an only child, i "must not be spoiled". she subjected me to physical and emotional abuse since birth. She never took care of me when i was a baby because she was scared of hurting me. ironic seeing as how she would hit me as a grew. I can recount these in detail but maybe not now because i don't want it to be too triggering.
*********** END OF TRIGGER WARNING **********

I use art to express myself in ways i can't verbally very therapeutic. I am sending you all my love, and Little Me stands with Little You in solidarity.

Happy to talk to you about this, i think we can find that we have a lot in common?

Either way,
Sending you
All my love,
Roe

I do love board games but I've never really had people to play them with. Virtually playing board games with you two legit warms my heart. All my love

Thank you so much for the warm welcome alliematt

Always happy to spend time with you, Sceal.

Ooh i've never tried Catan before, but i'm told it's great! we can play that for a bit and then maybe Munchkins later if we have time? What's your favourite expansion of Munchkin? I've only played the plain one, but will hope to play an expansion some day. Maybe others will join us later?

Wowee sanmagic7 I am absolutely in love with the Healing Porch, I literally visit it every day it's so great.

I wonder what other Quirks other members might have developed. I think these Quirks make us unique and there is beauty and strength to be found in individualism. We are all different colours of the rainbow, but we shine bright - Quirks and all.


All my love,
Roe