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Messages - Horse78

#1
General Discussion / Re: Homeopathy
July 06, 2019, 08:15:12 AM
Thanks Tee, Sanmagic7 and Three Roses, appreciate the support -  there's a whole realm of holistic medicine out there that I want to explore. Have tried aromatherapy years ago, and periodically receive massage from a skilled and intuitive practitioner.

Kizzie - "dose" is what the Homeopath sent me. I take 10 drops in a solution once a week for the next few weeks.

#2
General Discussion / Homeopathy
July 03, 2019, 05:04:45 PM
I had a consultation with a homeopath and a week in after the first dose, I'm definitely in the deep end. Bringing up all of my fears head on, horrible. The difference is that it feels as if there is movement physically, energetically, rather than just a triggering and constant mental cycles. I'm having those as well, but it's like there's a vapour coming off me, an energy field where the trauma is coming up and out, rather than just being stuck.

On the plus side, I'm finding that I'm able to bear with it. I'm at a point in my life where I am embarking on some changes, a fork in the road, and the positive road requires that I affirm and acknowledge my qualities and capacity for bringing these changes by being smart and structured with my skills, rather than white knucking through to bring them about. I also am building a sense of entitlement to what I want, which allows me to embark upon manifesting them, rather than hiding from it and procrastinating. Life is not perfect, and I want to make a lot of changes, but I have the skills to do so. The trauma will tell me life is bleak and not worth living, an and it's this that the homeopathy is dredging up front and centre. So I'm intrigued, grateful and experiencing a kind of * at the moment, which we're all familiar with. Sometimes I cannot separate and be objective from a "knowing" place, but I'm rolling with the punches. I'm actually excited about this. Even before I started the dose, I started dry retching, which is an energy blockage being released, so I guess I am ready for this. Sound positive, I bet in an hour I'll be doubting the reason of my existence, and oscillating between firm ground and the abyss. Fun times :P

Thankfully I have two weeks off vacay and my other co-parent is taking more of the childcare to allow me to heal.

Just thought I'ld share.


H
#3
Quote from: Bach on June 26, 2019, 02:20:00 PM
Horse, thank you for posting.  I've found this to be very much the case for me, too.  I take a similar range of supplements to what you describe above, and eat as well I can (very difficult at times because disordered eating is part of my pathology, and I have digestive issues that greatly limit my dietary choices), and it makes a HUGE difference.  I cannot tolerate medication, so discovering that I can significantly moderate my trauma symptoms with diet, nutrition and exercise has been a huge step forward for me.  I wish you continued success and good health with your new routines!

Thanks Bach,

May I ask what else you take. I had a bad experience with medication 20 years ago and have never taken any since.

I expect I'll be stocking up on vit D come winter  :stars:
#4
Quote from: BeHea1thy on June 26, 2019, 12:30:13 PM
Horse78,

Quote

If you were forced to choose one or two out of your list, which would you say were absolute necessities?

Hi BH,

I'ld say the multivitamin - for all round general health ( I'm short sighted and wear glasses and noticed  even that improved).

The magnesium is grounding - or so I've heard, but I take it with the CBD oil, which really does get me off to sleep.

The Omega 3 is excellent for cognitive function, I definitely noticed improvement in concentration in the afternoon.

If you're vegetarian/vegan - then B12 supplement is essential. In the past, I've noticed I get cold/flu like symptoms when I'm eating no red/white meat, so this helps.

It's not cheap, and raw/organic vitamins are more expensive then regular store bought vits, but the difference is obvious to me. I'm still experimenting and may iron to the regimen as well.

Best

H
#5
Hi all,

At the beginning of the year, I posted about and was complaining of fatigue. Nordic winters don't help.

Anyways, I usually train using my body weight, and decided to hit the gym to gain some mass. This is about three months ago. And I was beyond fatigued - correct nutrition, correct form, but I could barely keep my eyes open, and I don't sleep well, which is essential for recovery from a heavy session.

So I switched back to my old routine that I knew I could complete comfortably, and again - falling asleep on the spot.

Did a 6 km bike ride - was so difficult, and I'm someone who used to cycle  100km a week.

I realised: I have to build my body from the ground up.

Like a lot of us here, I imagine we've achieved a lot on sheer will power. But at 40, I can't and won't do that anymore. My body won't let me.

Thankfully, a close friend, who has a similar diagnosis, and who takes a very holistic approach to all areas of their life, recommended a bunch of organic supplements and had gone vegan. I could see the changes in this person, who has been on sick leave for many years, and they are strong, clear eyed, feeling very solid.

So I stopped exercising and went vegan. I'm mostly vegetarian anyway, so it wasn't much of a strain. And I'm not strict or militant, but the changes have been wholly positive.

I take:
Morning:
B12 complex
Magnesium
Multi-vit
Vitamin C
Adrenal Suppplement to promote good function.
Omega 3 oil.

Afternoon - I take Omega 3 capsule again. Really supports my cognitive function.

Evening - Magnesium and CBD oil ( 2 drops) helps with feeling grounded and gets me sleepy.

Did the 6 km to work last week - no problem, could have gone on a lot longer.

Have started training again - taking easy, just body weight and gym rings, but much improved.

My mood is more even. I still have my triggers. And it's worse if I take alcohol or any other intoxicant. So I keep it to a minimum ( some good non alcoholic beers out there).

Still get tired if I don't keep this routine and sleep is so important. Feel even, solid, "correct" and can snap out of it quickly when I deregulate and the trauma casts it's shadow.

I've noticed my body can barely tolerate canteen food, fast food, anything that isn't made without good ingredients or contains crap. I feel crappy and my mood and outlook quickly deteriorate. Not being all superior, I'm just stating that what I put in my body directly affects my mood.

I would say my diet and the supplements have more influence on how I feel then the training.

Hope this helps.

H






#6
Thanks Notalone, thanks Oscen :)

Oscen - really good pointers, constructive and grounded - appreciated. I've made some progress so am going to post on a relevant topic thread, or here.
#7
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Feel so out of control
March 03, 2019, 08:35:31 AM
When one cuts off the FOO, it's a grieving process - it sounds like your grieving. Just my opinion, but I've been there and cut off my FOO, and just gave in to the grief - the pain of it, the uncertainty, the feeling of being in free fall and that there is no way round it. I've found since that submitting - total surrender, allows the process to be progressed  - it has it's own North Star and will take you to the other side, and then it won't sting any where near as much, but only if you submit and let the awful pain work it's way through you. I trust the process enough now that I'll employ it when other aspects of life come to an end - a friendship, relationship, whatever it is.

I still get sad that I don't have a traditional family - but I don't miss the actual FOO, I am much better for not having them in my life and free to choose those who embrace me for who I actually am, and that is very empowering. But it is a loss, no two ways about it.

Where your at is fine, it's ok to be anxious, worried etc - there's a reason for it, and give yourself a break for feeling like this -  take things one day at a time, is all any of us can do. I know it's not fun at the moment - but really feeeeeeeel how your feeling in safe place, and if you need, ask a friend to hold space for you - while reminding yourself that here and now, you are safe. Just to add, this is only my opinion, informed by experience.

Best to you Cyd.
#8
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Running out of steam
March 03, 2019, 08:23:24 AM
Hi all,

What are EFs? Executive function?

I don't have any major tips for you Oscen. One thing I have had to accept is that I will have one day a week where I am just depressed, hopeless. It passes. And it's brought on by the working week and it's demands, and being a parent - just life. So I've shortened my week to 4 day week, and have to accept that I need a day off to rest and self care - no housework, no socialising, no major committments - even a trip to the superstore down the road might be too much. I rest, and meditate and make sure I at least eat something. That's where I'm at, and the next day, I am recharged and more positive and get on with whatever needs my attention. Yesterday was my low day, today I'm doing constructive tasks without powering through - even mood.

Best

Horse
#9
Thanks Three Roses,

I've actually just cleaned the house and am a bit more constructive today. Just when the fatigue and ennui overwhelms, it just: overwhelms. Today is indeed a new day,

Best

Horse
#10
Hello all, this is my first post other than the introductory.

It's the weekend, and I'm a co parent. My kid goes to her mother's on Friday, and I'm exhausted from parenting, a job I don't like, and just general low mood, no motivation. I do well as a parent, but haven't been able to manage to properly decorate and organise my apartment  - it's ok, clean, has everything we need, and my kid's bedroom is nice, but every weekend I have to myself, I just feel depleted, and miss my child. I really want to convert my living room into an atelier and start making moves into a career as a painter- I don't lack confidence in my ability, but doing anything just seems pointless. And I'm constantly ill, despite training, eating well, ( I smoke about 4 cigs aday). I've written a list of what I need to do, but generally feel a bit hopeless and despairing right now.

I separated from the mother of my child 4 years back, and while I've processed that and don't seem to have a problem attracting a partner, I just feel kind of pointless. I moved to another country just before our child was born, and now I'm stuck here. I don't like it, even though I have made a life for myself here. It's in Scandinavia, it's dark and cold most of the time, and has a culture I don't really care for. I'm from an international background and miss meeting similar people. The music scene is pretty limited ( and music is oxygen to me, I play) and I have cut off my FOO, and that stings every xmas, wish I had the community that lots of others have. I have people who care about me, but I'm not really part of anything, so really want to get a new career underway as that will mean more travel, more money, more opportunity to meet my type of people, but most importantly - JOY.

It's like I'm building something from scratch, again, for the millionth time. One way of looking at it is that finally, I have a sense of entitlement to making a career out of my talent, at age 40, but I also yearn to part of  family again, as I'm a very good father and potential partner (even my ex says that - she has her own issues to deal with) - I just can't get it together when I'm this tired from my week of work and parenting - but really do need to lay the foundations for the next phase. I'm ready now, have dealt with my past, but always so constantly tired and joyless in my heart.

Just sad and giving up doing anything today. Tmmr a new day.

Best

H
#11
Thanks all for this warm welcome. Forgive the delay, has been a busy month, want to get involved, take part and contribute to this forum.
Thanks BeH for your reply - I think I'm hard on cPTSD rather than myself heh, I want a shot at the life I dreamed of, and am sooooo frustrated with this constant adaptation to this condition and compromises I've had to make. But it also motivates me to get better, one step at a time.

Best to everyone

Horse
#12
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New Member - hello
February 11, 2019, 09:13:30 PM
Hi All,

I have CPTSD, developed in childhood. I'm joining this forum as I am seeking support and understanding from those who can identify, and of course to empower and support everyone else with their journey of healing.

I've just come through an predictably awful winter, live in Scandinavia, am a father, separated from her mother, though on good terms, and cut off all contact from my family a few years back, was the right thing to do. And while I have a small, invaluable support network here, I have to say, managing all of this pretty much alone has been trying and isolating. I miss the culture I grew up in (UK/London) and am pretty resilient, having managed to get a good job here and co parent my wonderful child. But I am struggling - beyond work and raising a child, I am fatigued and keep my head just above water.

I've done many years of therapy, I would roughly say half of that was useful in identifying the cause, but the therapist didn't grasp that cPTSD is also neurogenic, so to that end, I have researched this aspect to support my nervous system. I train, eat well, don't drink that much, don't do drugs to support this aspect.

I would like to get on with my life, but feel somewhat stuck. I've come to terms with all the years and opportunities I missed out on because of this condition, because of where I come from, but do feel I have a lot more to offer. I am solution focused, and that means moving into a profession that fulfils me and travelling again, but while I'm able to do some things that most folk would find intimidating, I find other things really difficult as my head is a often like a sea of white noise and it is debilitating. I have started meditating, and I find this helpful. I'm frustrated that I am ham strung by this, and somewhere, I truly believe there is a good, joyous, happy, love filled life out there, but getting there feels impossible at the moment.

Just really want to connect with others in the same boat who are still getting out of bed in the morning and making it work as best they can.

I chose Horse as apparently that's my spirit animal if your into that type of thing. I'm free and open minded, quick in thought and agile, and solid and unrelenting when I need to be, with much integrity. I hate working in an office lol

Look forward to meeting you all,

Best

Horse