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Sunflower_Rising, thank you for your reply. It's wery interesting to read, and I can relate to a lot of what you are telling. This education helped me a lot in my healing process. I agree that there isn't much focus on emotionelly  growth in the education system. But I have noticed in my education today that there is a much better focus on how to treat children with respect. Giving the children/youth a chance to cooperate instead of demanding them to listen at once. While working in school I noticed that the children easely got the  blame for what went wrong in the classroom, in my education I learn that it's the teachers responsibility. To read about how the children should be treated when they don't cooperate has helped me understand what I didn't get when I was a child and struggled to do everything that was expected of me.

I also feel that working with my CPTSD can be a big resource to become a teacher that show the pupils emotionelly support. " You can't teach what you haven't thought" is so true, and is probably why there is a big lack of emotionelly support in the school system  and in my own childhood. I feel like it should be so much more information in how to handle emotions everywhere. If everyone could get a chance to understand this I think the world would be a better place..

Yipeee
What I think of confidence and focus is that since my confidence is very low I get very nervous being so visible as I am when I teach. I have always been better in theory than In practice. I need a lot of time to figure things out and be confident with it, before I can show it or teach others. I noticed that when I have thought in class in something that I'm really good at and have confidence in,  my focus easely goes to the pupils, how they learn and what they need. When I feel very insecure in what I'm doing all my focus is on me, how I behave, and what others think of me. This can make a bad lesson even worse because I easely get  stressed and full of anxiety, and then sadly I have no chance of giving the students what they need.

I don't  have a lot of good experience in my teaching but I know that I've made it sometimes and that I probably will get more of the good experience as I will learn more, and get a chance to try teaching some weeks every semester.
Did I understand your question right?
I really want to see what you think of it, how confidence and focus maybe inter-related?

Yes, i've had this problem for a long time. These days I don't make myself dinners, because my appetite is so bad. I'm not very good at pushing myself to eat when I don't want to, I  think it might be because I was pushed too eat food when I was a child. I had too eat everything I had put on my plate, and could sit whit the table an hour alone after the rest of the family was done. When I learned to to take smaller portions I was criticized of not eating enough. The daily family dinner was often an anxious moment for me.

What I do to deal with periods of bad appetite is to eat whatever I feel I can bear to eat, like smoothie,  bitcuits, dark chocolate, bananas etc. What my appetite accept can vary. I love springrolls, so one week that was almost all I ate. When I can't manage to eat anything I drink orange juice,  this increases the blood  sugar and gives me some energy.

Sometimes it helps for me to make dinner with some friends I'm comfortable with. It takes the focus away from myself and my bad appetite, and when a good dinner is served in front of me it is often easier then to make the dinner alone.

It's normal to loose appetite when you're in sorrow or just sad, that is my main reason for the loss of appetite. It is sometimes also a way of self hurting, when I don't want too pay attention to my emotions it can feel good to feel the hunger instead. Stress can also be an indicator.

It's really exhausting not to manage to eat enough, and appetite is almost impossible to control. Hope you can find something to enjoy eating. And after my experience the appetite always comes back, it varies and it sucks, but I manage. 

Dear Yipeee

This is a late response, but I want to thank you for your reply. And thanks to everyone who has giving me honest answers and hope. I have now started my education to become a teacher. It has been a very good experience so far. A lot of tears and disbelief in if I've made the right decision in the beginning, but now I'm pretty certant that I will make it to the end. I love everything I learn and look forward to the next semester. It helps to read about how other people cope with cptsd, it makes me feel less alone  and gives me strength to find my way of coping.   

Support is the most important help I have found. I would never have made it without all the understanding and help from my T. I'm almost constant processing my childhood, how I felt and what it did to me. My biggest problem in this education I've been told, is my confidence issues. All the self critic makes it very hard for me too teach and fokus in the classroom. I hope and believe it will be easier with the time.

So wonderful too read this, Jdog. I'm glad to hear that this is possible even with the struggles that comes with CPTSD. Even if I might can't handle a fulltime job as a teacher. It's good to know, that it's possible for someone.

How nice to make such a huge different to someone's life. 

Wish you the very best! 

Thanks for your respons Jdog!

I need that kind of stories. I've wanted to become a teacher since I was 10. For a period I gave up on that dream thinking I was better fit for something else. But teaching is wat I really want. Think I will regret if I don't try. And I can also use my education in  another way if teaching in classroom will be to hard for me.

Hope it's ok if I ask you some questions Jdog.. Have you ever had to leave work for a period because of CPTSD? And do you work 100%?

Thank you, Blueberry!

Thank you for your response Blueberry! It's good to read someone's experience with this.  Education is hard, and I forget sometimes.
I start to realize that I will never fully heal. I've had symptoms and different kind of depressions for 9 years. Some periods have been good and suddenly I'm down again. I actually startet at university 4-5 years ago to become a teacher. But could only bear one semester. I knew I wouldn't pass the next semester if I continued. Back then I didn't know about CPTSD, and didn't fully understand what I was struggling with. I also had a lot of flashbacks, nightmares, and  stressful thoughts etc. And yes the fog. It was hard for me to read and learn.

Now I have the right to facilitated education, so that might help. I also function better theoretecly. I took one exam last fall to improve a grade, and did very well. So I guess that's what gave me hope, that I might be more able to study again. One-on-one teaching is a possibility I keep in mind, and I can also take special pedagogy in the degree I'm planning to start. 

But I also wonder if my hope to become a teacher is more of a coping mechanism to keep on. That it's easy to think that I will make it, when I maybe should lower my expectations. I feel so unpredictable I can be really productive sometimes, and suddenly paralysed by my symptoms. Mostly it's my emotions that I struggling with. I cope better with my anxiety now than before. I can't be a teacher with these mood swings I experience now. So I need to manage handling them at some point. I think I have a atypical depression that will end. But I also realize that this won't be my last depression.

Right now I'm mostly sad about having to quit my job this week. It's a loss  and at the same time it will be a relief. 

Hi! I'm wondering if there's people here with experience with working as a teacher ore another working position in the school system.

I'm in my early 20's, and are now working as an assistant in school (temporary job). I'm exhausted even after 2 weeks vacation, and think I'm gonna quit the following week. The ironic thing is that I really want to be a teacher some day. I love working with students, and they have given me motivation to work for several months. But now I can't take it anymore. It's not really the students that are the challenge. Of course it's hard working with people no matter what. But the teachers in the school it's what I dread the most. I can't handle one more day with the teachers yelling at the student in a unecesarry unfair way. I think I'm struggling with emotional flashbacks. I'm no matter what higly sensitive and easy triggered these days, last month actually.

I want to study to become a teacher. My hope is that while I'm studying, I can heal  better, scince I can then focus more on myself and my learning rather than constantly beeing there for others and feeling powerless in my position as an assistant. I hope I one day will cope better with my cptsd and be more able to work with people.

Any thoughts about this? Is there anyone who handles being a teacher with cptsd and how?

Someone whos quit because of it, and what was your challenges in the profession?