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Recovery Journals / Re: m1234 journal: one foot forward?
« on: January 01, 2021, 05:48:54 PM »
Stopping by to give you some hugs for the new year 
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Recovery Journals / Re: Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: January 01, 2021, 02:06:18 PM »
Sending love and good thoughts, Tee
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Recovery Journals / Re: #8 - starting over
« on: January 01, 2021, 02:04:34 PM » Hang in there, san. We are with you
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Christmas & New Years / Re: Happy New Years to All
« on: January 01, 2021, 04:09:34 AM »
Congratulations on finding your path, Buddy! I discovered my CPTSD a couple of years ago after spending my whole life trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and although I too have a long way to go, the explanations provided by that diagnosis have been huge in advancing my healing. This forum is certainly a blessing. I'm glad it's here, and that you're here.
Happy New Year with love to all in here "out of the storm", and best wishes for 2021!
Happy New Year with love to all in here "out of the storm", and best wishes for 2021!
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Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2021
« on: December 31, 2020, 07:59:24 PM »
Wishing you and the Littles a great 2021, notalone 
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Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time
« on: December 28, 2020, 03:21:00 PM »
Sending love and good thoughts, notalone
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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Drowning In Holiday Stress Feelings
« on: December 27, 2020, 02:58:59 PM »
Christmas was good but I'm glad it's over. I have things I should probably write about but I feel deeply resistant to examining the big issue that came up for me. Don't want to examine the roots of the intense stress and discomfort over gift-giving. It's B stuff from holidays with my stepmother's family throughout the years, dating all the way back from well before I went to live with my father. Vague unremembered major family events that were somehow supposed to be fun and joyous because they included visiting and food treats and gifts. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I suppose I'll talk about it in therapy tomorrow, and that it'll be good to have an agenda so I don't have to spend that agonising 5 or 45 minutes fumbling around for something to talk about. I'm growing increasingly frustrated and impatient with my current therapy, but that IFS therapist never wrote me back..
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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Drowning In Holiday Stress Feelings
« on: December 25, 2020, 01:20:25 PM »
Thanks and hugs for your kind words, friends It helped to write it down here and the kind responses heartened me later in the day when I was flagging again. I made it through my tasks and got a good night's sleep. Big holiday wishes to all!
It helped to write it down here and the kind responses heartened me later in the day when I was flagging again. I made it through my tasks and got a good night's sleep. Big holiday wishes to all!
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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Drowning In Holiday Stress Feelings
« on: December 24, 2020, 07:23:36 PM »
I'm functioning well today, getting the things I need to do done, but I'm afraid I'm going to dissolve into a blob of holiday rejection stress flashback goo. It's so thick and stifling that I can't even write about it. I feel like I'm trapped in a narrow space into which water is rising and outside of which fire is raging.
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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: The C* holiday word
« on: December 24, 2020, 07:14:10 PM »
Oh, dear marta, the holidays are so hard! I'm glad you were able to reach out to a friend and go for a run. Love and hugs to you
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The Cafe / Re: Five things I like about myself
« on: December 23, 2020, 02:33:41 PM »I see a lot of similarity in the responses and I wonder how much of these traits are CPTSD related, or for me possiblt spectrum related.
1. I try my hardest, am constantly learning, trying to be more sensitive to others, and bettering myself. I want to do better.
2. I empathise with all suffering. I can imagine.
3. I am aware of my own quirks.
4. I am honest, some would say to a fault, but I disagree. I don't mask my feelings well, and I want to know how others are truly feeling too.
5. I want to listen. I am not good with sympathy as an act, and I'm not good at conversation, but I want to hear others' stories and experiences. I truly want to. I am interested in the lives of others.
Bermuda, I relate to this. This could be my list, too. I think these are great qualities and that they are uncommon. I have often wondered why my having these qualities seems to be what gets me into the most trouble in my interpersonal relationships. I don't know very much about the spectrum and no one has ever said anything about me being on it, so I don't know about that part of it. Perhaps I should read up on that.
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Recovery Journals / Re: A Safe Place To Be Visible
« on: December 18, 2020, 05:12:33 PM »
I'm trying to come out and trying to connect but I am so full of fear. I want to hide my sickness and dysfunction, and hide IN my sickness and dysfunction. I don't want to smile and put a good spin on it. I don't want to "do it anyway". I don't want to "TRY". But I will. I will do it anyway. I will try. And I'll have a healthy dinner, and I won't eat ice cream, and I'll go to bed hoping I feel better tomorrow. And sooner or later, I probably will.
Sigh.
Sigh.
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Recovery Journals / Re: m1234 journal: one foot forward?
« on: December 18, 2020, 05:05:46 PM »
marta, I just wanted to let you know that I'm here and reading. You do deserve hugs and love, so here are some!
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Recovery Journals / Re: Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: December 18, 2020, 01:44:20 AM »
A hug for you, sweet Tee