Messages

Thank you for your kind responses. I'm going to miss you.

Haven't been able to share - can't post about anything at all.

I hope this is temporary.

DU, if I may...

Trace,Thank you.

Yes, DU, how do you do that? I've never seen "highlight to read" before today; very cool.
Your story is touching. Thank you for sharing.
I'm happy for you that you can experience an EF and say "It's OK"; I can't even begin to know an EF until it kicks my butt, let alone say: I acknowledge and deal with it. Kudos to you on so many levels. I like reading your posts.

Hi Suzane72,
You are here, you posted, I think you got it!

I've been here for just over a month, still looking around at all this site has to offer - there is so much!
Welcome.

This is interesting; Thanks for sharing this test, steamy.

My results:

Introvert(22%)  iNtuitive(16%)  Feeling(34%)  Perceiving(19%)

Hello Misunderstood3815,
Reading your post, I can't help but think that you have reached that place within yourself that says: "I've had enough. NO  MORE."
I am glad you found this forum ~ so glad you are here! 

Im so scared ill never have the strength to get my life together.

Dutch Uncle offered many good ideas towards gaining some ground; if you can find just one thing to do today that helps you feel better about you and your ability to create the changes you want in your life, that is the thing to do!

It's a new day. Welcome!

Good one Dutch!  Never compromise that which creates joy within...

Reminds me of one of my fav quotes by Martha Graham:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost."


I've been looking for a quote to use as my profile signature and this one is it; thanks for prompting this memory for me!

Well, isn't that fun! Thanks, DU!  And Thanks Kizzie for adding more.
My computer still isn't cooperating with these little guys but I'll keep working on it.

I can't say I know what having a true friend is about; I have been alone all my life. When I hear or read about the connection that someone has with another, I feel the tears coming. It hurts so much because I have no experience of friendship, of closeness ~ of having someone to go to with anything. Or someone to enjoy...
Having said that, my youngest sister died 4 yrs ago from a lifetime of drug/alcohol abuse; she was the closest I came to having someone near but she was never really there with me or for me. Still, I miss her...
So I can only imagine the feelings of loss of those you love. My heart goes out to you...
I know you say you spend much of your time alone; do you mind if I ask about your feelings/thoughts of creating new friendships?

Beautiful videos. The light in Zach's heart showed through his eyes, his beautiful face... I really like Fix Me Up.
Thank you for sharing woodsgnome.

Hope... In my opinion, hope is innately a part of us. I think we lose it over time through our sadness which evolves into feelings of despair that can create the inability to see what there is to be grateful for.
Not taking away from the very real grief that comes with acknowledging/feeling our experiences, gratitude I think, offers "grounding in the truth of life" and thereby a hopeful  new beginning in this moment... Thoughts anyone?

So good KayFly ~ so good!

cinders008, it's never too late to take care of you... Never.

I just celebrated 56 and I am relatively new to this forum as well. Welcome.

I'll be 50 next month and I'm still choosing cold hearted, emotionally unavailable people to have relationships with.  I want to be happy.  I want to meet people and have fun.  But I'm terrified of life.

I ended a 25 yr relationship a few years back and dove right into another relationship where "cold hearted, emotionally unavailable" is at the forefront of my feelings about it so I get this.

Someone on this site said to me a few days back (paraphrasing here) that wherever I am with myself is what I will attract into my life. And she's right; If I want better relationships with others, I must first have a better relationship with myself. In my opinion, (I am just starting my journey with CPTSD) that means I have to be more available to the process of growing out of isolation, out of pain - out of the terrifying place; I must become more aware of my feelings, more aware of how I act/react and make a sincere effort toward taking action with whatever it is I need to do.

Of course, just acknowledging that this is the beginning of the journey IS taking action; I have always known that (for me) awareness is half the battle.
The "more active part" if you will, is reading Pete Walker's book CPTSD From Surviving To Thriving along with reading/sharing here on this site; both are tremendously affirming and supportive.
These are the small steps I am taking in terms of action; in doing so, the vulnerability I experience quite often is excruciatingly painful but I am changing so I know it's OK. I know if I stay with it, I will find more to do as my growth permits.

glbreed, I'm glad you are here. I hope you find some comfort knowing that their are others who identify with your feelings.

Welcome.

Julia Cameron...
Thomas Moore... Yep, the man is high on my fav. author list - he's a keeper for sure! And you took a class with him - how cool is that?!?! When I share something of his, I often get a bewildered look or a statement like: "I just don't get it."
But I do! And I am ever grateful!

Good one Arpy. This is a very good article; thanks for creating this thread.

coda,

It's an incredible read, I felt the shock of recognition many times, especially in the section Dutch Uncle quoted. I wonder if there's a word to describe the simultaneous feelings of grief and thankfulness you get when someone nails it like this.

Personally, I like your phrase "the shock of realization"; for me, that fits it so perfectly because that is way I have felt over and over again, especially pertaining to this particular statement of Dutch's:

they have lost the battle to develop and assert their own subjectivity; they have been forced to accept objectification; they have had to submit their own subjectivity to the subjectivity of the other.

Thinking about "a word to describe simultaneous feelings of grief and thankfulness", I would call it grace; not to be religious here... but for me, grace comes at a time when I can't necessarily put things together for myself but relief in some form comes from somewhere... does that make sense to anyone else?