Messages

I am new to this forum. Childhood cPTSD, currently in treatment. Thanks for creating this place.

Thank you for the responses, very helpful. I am not sure what I am going to do just yet.

How do folks handle NC and social media? Example, I do not participate in facebook, but my abuser does and is friends with/engages with other family members, sometimes in ways that are indirectly manipulative and abusive toward me.

How have you, or would you handle this? I feel conflicted about asking my other family members to block my abuser because that is a relationship that they maintain, and is within their agency to decide...not mine.

Were you told you were loved by the abuser? How did that affect your perception of love? Do you think that this might explain why we struggle understanding and nurturing offers of friendship and love in our later life? Or, even, do you think you are not getting those offers, if you are socially isolated, or is it that you simply don't recognize them or you can't cope with them? I am doing the second bit, I can't nurture positive emotions from others, I freak out and bury everything in dark thoughts, sometimes even blurt some of those thoughts out and estrange people who might otherwise like my personality.

I relate to this. In my case, there were extremes. One minute I was a "dumb selfish *" and the next I was mommy's little golden boy. Problem was twofold because 1. I never fully believed or accepted the love and affection piece when it came (only at her convenience). and 2. Every time I participated in the affection piece, I allowed my boundaries to be violated.

As a result, I do not trust anyone, am not sure where correct boundaries are so I keep mine way out in order to feel safe, I carry around shame (mixed with repressed rage and resentment) over relinquishing my boundaries in order to pursue mother's acceptance, and I have a general feeling of filth and violation which permeates my intimate relationships.