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Messages - ShadowsOfLuna

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1
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 09:27:46 PM »
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I am going through

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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 09:27:14 PM »
Blueberry,

I will be sure to check out that link. Thank you~

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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 09:26:40 PM »
Kizzie,

Thank you. I am still a newbie here but trying to show up a little more and more. I definitely think this is somewhere that others have a good chance of possibly understanding me. I think CPTSD really encapsulates this.

Thank you

4
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 09:25:25 PM »
Saylor,

I really relate to everything you are saying. I think it must be a CPTSD thing. Because everything you described describes me too. And I find it so hard to break through these walls.

Just wanted to acknowledge ya back

5
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 12:45:20 AM »
Today on my facebook memory crap thing on my feed. You know the one thats like "this day last year look at this post you made" well mine showed up showing me a post I made where I felt just as dark and depressed last year. Now I just feel like all of this work Ive done this past year is worthless and Ive come full circle.

Then my ex, who I was happy about coming in my life again, "needs a break for a few days". Whatever. I know we weren't officially together again but. I just had opened up to them a lot in response to them reaching out to "make things right." and I didn't really get a response to those things.

To make things worse, when they broke up with me last year, they said it was because I wasnt recovering fast enough and they had to take care of themselves.

So look, Im still not doing better, and people still just leave.

Also I dont have a family or anywhere to go for Thanksgiving and the holidays. Everything public is churched based, which I have trauma from. And it just feels terrible to not even be invited anywhere. Its so different when youre saying no to invitations compared to when you have none to respond to. :'(

I feel so disappointed in myself and my lack of ability to make friends and connections that are meaningful and lasting. And Im ashamed I even need people at all. Everyone else always seems to want more time alone. Or maybe its just time away from me. I wouldn't know the difference.

Anyway I just have nowhere else to talk right now.

Thank you for reading.

6
Well yesterday after trying to tell my cousin how alone I feel and how scared and how hurt that I am always left out. I came out about my eating disorder to someone who boasts how supportive she is, and essentially she made sure I knew I had no reason to keep trying with them. My feelings went unacknowledged but they did make sure that I wouldn't reach out again. They are always bragging about my other cousin's remarkable fight and recovery from her ED. And they dont care that Ive almost died from my own a few times.

So that takes the few family I have left and cuts them in half.

Then therapy canceled for the week because of the snowstorm we're getting. Oh but I still need to work. And if Im not pushing myself to go to work, the isolation becomes to much.

People are confusing and it really feels like I cannot win. :'(

7
General Discussion / Re: Hate being so needy
« on: September 30, 2019, 08:18:31 PM »
Recently, I went to a seminar that had a portion on how not to take things personally, which I struggle with a lot and sounds very similar. What they had us do was list as many answers to the question "what else could this mean?" whenever we start feeling upset from someones responses. I find it helps a bit, maybe not 100% but a bit.

And I definitely want to echo what others have been saying that this is definitely progress and you are doing really well with tolerating these feelings and thoughts.

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The Cafe / Re: pleasant shows and movie suggestions?
« on: September 30, 2019, 08:11:14 PM »
I absolutely LOVE Bob's Burgers. It is always a safe and lovely show. I once had a friend that watched a LOT of Clarence, because it is an even safer show. Very soothing. Bob Ross always has a 24/7 twitch channel.

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The Cafe / Re: Humour around cptsd
« on: September 30, 2019, 08:08:23 PM »
You know, this thread has helped me solidify what I've noticed about abusers: Their Sense of Humor Sucks.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. My worst ex wouldn't let me laugh at anything or make jokes (which is also a big coping mechanism for me)_ because he would never understand them and it made him angry. He couldn't just be dumb, he had to be angry about being dumb.

Also hey I absolutely love dark humor. And memes.

Sometimes when my friends get into loud arguments I cry out "MOMMY DADDY PLEASE STOP FIGHTING"

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Introductory Post / Re: Hey
« on: September 30, 2019, 08:00:26 PM »
thank you!

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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: Afraid to go to sleep.
« on: September 30, 2019, 07:59:51 PM »
Hey all,

Sorry Im still learning the forum mechanics.

I am seeing a therapist and doing EMDR as well as group. Been in therapy a long time. I havent seen them yet this week though.

I like the idea of the five senses, I will definitely try that later as well as some oil

12
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Afraid to go to sleep.
« on: September 29, 2019, 02:53:08 AM »
Hey All,

I am new to these forums, (did post in introductions, but in case you havent seen me yet Im Luna)

This morning I struggled for about 5 hours straight starting at 6am with really terrible nightmares. And I feel like it could also have included more developing sleep apnea. I ordered the right stuff for the breathing issues, but for now I am just totally afraid to go to sleep tonight. I can't handle more nightmares, but I am not a danger to myself so really all I see myself being able to do is wait and bide my time.

Does anyone else deal with feeling really afraid to go to sleep? What tricks have helped you? I definitely need something to do about it, and feeling really really stuck.

13
Introductory Post / Hey
« on: September 29, 2019, 02:48:38 AM »
 Hello all,

My name is Luna and I am new to these boards but not to CPTSD. I am struggling being on my own without family or many close friendships. Some short backstory is I came from a really abusive family and I wound up in some dangerous situations that led me to move across the country. Which is a life I am building, but there is a lot to struggle with in the meantime.

I am 29, F, in the USA.

I also really really love wolves. And art.

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