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Messages - DingDingCrunch

#1
Letters of Recovery / Re: A letter to past me,
February 20, 2020, 07:22:12 PM
Thanks for sharing. :) How did you get from where you were, to where you are now?
#2
I'm working hard on becoming less codependent with my parents, who are bipolar/HPD and NPD respectively, and it's been very hard. I'm down to texting my Mom on Sundays and Wednesdays, with calls once a month, which has helped contain the crazymaking, and I tried texting Dad weekly, and suggested I schedule monthly calls with him. But, he told me in no uncertain terms that it would be far too awkward and forced if I'm only calling him out of obligation, and not to bother. He only wants me to reach out if I'm going to call him on a spontaneous, weekly or more often type of basis. He's not responded to my texts, and ignored the Christmas and birthday gifts I sent. As an only child, I know I am an adult now as someone in my twenties, but it has been so hard to set these boundaries and watch some of the chaos ensue. I've been sick with a concussion the last several months and have been less able to perform for my parents, which is probably very healthy in a sense, but it has led to so many clashes with my father where he is personally offended I am impaired, less available, and also less energetic or willing to pretend I'm excited when he says hurtful things or is not friendly to me. He can be very cold, dismissive, and frequently lashes out at me.

Do you have any advice when setting boundaries with parents with personality disorders? I feel like I can't win. I don't know if I should even try, so now we just haven't spoken in six weeks. When I talked to him at Christmas, he was so upset with me that he was walking silently by himself at the frozen river on Christmas Day (dramatic? misunderstood much?).

Maybe I just need to give it some time, lean on friends, and focus on building meaning in my own life. I have been so enmeshed with my parents that I still don't know what things I like sometimes, or what it is that I want to do. I guess this is what breaking free feels like.
#3
This is a great article! Thank you for sharing. I really love this channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw

It is helping me to be able to set better boundaries with my parents without feeling as guilty. I feel so confused as to who I am and what I like sometimes, I am so used to thinking of maintaining an image or helping others first. I also like Les Carter's books, and the book Codependency No More by Beattie.
#4
Physical Issues / Re: Communicating with doctors
February 17, 2020, 10:31:58 PM
When I communicate with doctors, I always try to look extra nice. It might sound dumb, but if I'm going to say non standard things, then I want to look as reputable as humanly possible, to the point of wearing business casual to my appointments. I've found that it does change the way doctors treat you, to an extent. They seem to take me more seriously when I look productive and put together. I know it's kind of a CPTSD symptom to not trust people will believe you if you don't perform in a particular way, but this is one that I feel like is really true.
#5
I had chronic fatigue, and it turned out to be from mold exposure. Some people store biotoxins from mold that cause serious chronic fatigue. Functional medicine doctors can help run special tests for chronic fatigue like for Lyme disease and mold screenings to help determine the cause of it. Hope that you feel better!
#6
I had no idea I was depressed, either! It's crazy how things can just slide over time, and then you can't remember where you started. I hope that all is well and that it continued to help.
#7
Medication / Re: Medication & Starting over
February 17, 2020, 06:54:39 PM
I just want to cheer for you for trying again, and for getting specialist help. I just started medication about 7 weeks ago for the first time and I think that there is a chance it can really impact quality of life.  :hug:
#8
Hi there! Do you have any advice for working with a psychiatrist for the first time?

I have been working with a psychiatrist following a concussion that caused increased mood lability. It seems like I should have been working with one about fifteen years ago! I didn't even know that medicine for anxiety and depression was really possible. I mean, I didn't know what I had was anxiety and depression and PTSD/CPTSD, either.

Since starting with her, I have been on Prazosin and also Abilify. The Prazosin has helped with flashbacks, especially angry ones, immensely, but it and the Abilify have also made me dizzy. The Abilify seems to help me feel happier and less anxious. We tried to switch to Vraylar recently but I reacted so adversely I ended up unable to sleep and just constantly sobbing. It makes me afraid to try new medications again, but it sounds like this is a process of trial and error.

Do you have experience with any of these medications, or, are there any standard antidepressant or mood stabilization medicines that have been particularly effective for you?
#9
Physical Issues / Mold toxicity
February 17, 2020, 06:41:07 PM
Hi there, I am curious whether other folks have experienced mold toxicosis, which can cause heightened anxiety in addition to many respiratory and other symptoms. I think my CPTSD got dramatically worse once I had toxic mold exposure. It's taking a long time to treat and cure with my functional doctor.
#10
Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to tune in. :D

My general story is that I'm the only child of divorced parents, mom with untreated BP, histrionic personality disorder, and alcoholism issues. Dad we think NPD, but no official diagnosis for him ever confirmed.

It's been a crazy year after a few very busy, tiring years. After working a high travel, investment banking hours type of job for a few years, my partner and I moved states, to live in the same place. He was recently diagnosed with autism. I started a new job, found out my boss was committing fraud and was targeted for it, ended up in a lawsuit with my employer over my severance, had to move 3 times due to mold and water issues in our home, then get rid of 80% of possessions because they were contaminated, while battling a ton of health issues. Developed worse anxiety/depression/SI -> a CPTSD diagnosis (childhood onset), so I suppose when it rains, it pours! I'm trying to understand what CPTSD means for me, and also how to approach treatment. I've never tried any form of anxiety or depression medication before, and even finding the right type of therapist seems confusing.

It's been a struggle thinking of my life as tainted by trauma when so much of my childhood seemed good. Did anyone else resent it when therapists kept telling you that you're traumatized? I feel like I just want to stand up and shout, I'm just a normal person, please leave me alone!

Felt like I was wandering in a void, and then suddenly, might not be as by myself as I thought.  :grouphug: I was recently in a traffic accident, and have a concussion, so please excuse any spaciness or delayed replies (limited screen time for a few more weeks).