Messages

1) I met with my fellow traveler today. It was sublime. I felt so moved, so touched. I want the feeling to last forever.
2) I was someone's hero today. I felt proud of myself.
3) Students remembered and valued the lesson I taught on the virus. I planned that lesson following my intuition, worried that it might fall flat. I feel seen when my intuition is validated.

1) First day the laundry can go outside to get sun kissed.
2) "Connect to pleasure" says the dance teacher, and something resonates.
3) Dance, work, love, love, work, dance, camaraderie - what a beautiful day.

there is a field. I'll meet you there.

We'll all meet there, sooner or later, when we are ready. See you out there, woodsgnome.

I choose to love, even if it feels scary. It no longer threatens me anymore. Not like when I was a kid. It would be a kind act to myself, to let myself love and receive love, to let myself go into the field of love. Not hold back. I'm waking up to the fact that being loved is in fact all that I have ever wanted. It's never been about success, recognition, meaning, saving the world. They've all been distractions from the one thing that I couldn't get and was sucking the meaning out of my life. The kindest thing I can do to myself is to do what I've wanted all my life - float in the field of love.

This is an act of kindness that I haven't been able to do yet. Maybe it doesn't qualify to be here? I do want to be kind to myself and allow myself to revel in all the joy and brilliance that I feel even as others panic and are in turmoil. I do want to be kind to myself and give myself the room to be my self whatever it is, regardless of what other people might feel or say. I do want to be kind to myself and stop telling myself to be nice to those poor starving children, scared elderly or poor homeless people. I do want to be kind to myself and be nice to me, just me me me me me, and not punish me because it's narcissistic, selfish, egotistical or wrong.

Writing this out is already one small act of kindness to myself. Thank you for this space.

1) My first post in Part 6 
2) I felt so much love this morning, tears overflowed. It hurt, but the tears weren't tears of sadness, just tears. I feel so tender, vulnerable, yet connected.
3) I worked. 
4) It's the end of a certain amount of uncertainty. I can now switch off the news and bring all my concentration back into my own life.

Thanks for starting this thread! It's awesome!

I felt many emotions, some pleasant, some less so, and I welcomed them all, without freaking out.

1) Got work today.
2) Met a new person who shares the same language, cultural references. I was me in the shared space. The person said, "You are awesome." and I saw that Yes! Me as me is awesome.
3) Shared some fun time with people I care about.
4) Seizing the window of opportunity to prepare for challenging times.

1) Tenderness, openness, vulnerability. Daring to hold them all, without running, without freaking. Just holding them gently in my heart like baby chicks.
2) The wonderful people who were part of my day today. Deep resonance.
3) Friends. Although I resonate little with them, I do appreciate how much they care for me. I'm not going to use the word love. I've still got to work out what it means.

No Marta, You're certainly not alone. Therapy is such an intimate, vulnerable affair. I want my T to be perfect, so most of the time I choose not to work with one rather than run the risk of feeling abandoned, disappointed, or worse, retraumatized.

1) I feel so alive today.  Scary, weird, but alive! 
2) Been accompanied by some incredible partners on the journey. Infinitely grateful. Each encounter is unique, magical, and provides the container for more of the mystery to unfold.
3) I feel real bad that I said no to these people and that I haven't heard a single peep from them since I sent them the message. Not that I necessarily expect a reply. Then my inner movie maker  starts to make all sorts of horror flicks - they hate me; they will never speak to me again. Then a part comes along and says, "And, even if they never speak to me again, so?"  True, it doesn't really matter. 'Coz one of the reasons I said no was that I found out what matters to me, and it's not saying yes to them or doing the project with them. I feel so much lighter. As if I can fly.

1) I stood up, grew up, and spoke my truth (well, with the help of a few white lies) because I can see clearly what matters to me.
2) I met with my two new partners on the journey. Each of them brought their own brand of steady presence with them and witnessed and supported my unfolding.
3) The people who I care about are doing well despite challenging circumstances.

Feels like a space has just opened up, the world's my oyster, again, now that I've gotten myself out of the tight corner that I squished myself into. Huuuhhhhhhhh (sigh of relief)

Thank you so much for sharing this affirmation of hope, of life, and of the power of relationships (when they are healthy and supportive). Sometimes I'm so stuck in my story that it's really hard to fathom that anyone would want to be help me or that I would ever get better. Thank you for reminding me that this kind of thinking is also a sort of catastrophizing. Good or bad, and all colors of the rainbow, all possibilities are out there, and it's not necessarily useful (any longer) to only focus on the darkest possible outcomes. And as you said, no 2 of us will experience exactly the same thing.

You've gotten so much from this journey and I wish the wisdom, the equanimity that you have gotten will continue to accompany you through easy and challenging times.

Thank you, Three Roses, for seeing me. I continue to be amazed at how much being seen heals. With deep gratitude,

Hey holidayay, what you wrote resonated in me. I've often wondered, too, why I have to go over and over again some really painful emotions and memories from my childhood, and I think you hit the nail on the head:

it feels like I'm witnessing my own experiences from an adult's point of view and it feels shocking and horrifying. How a child could ever be made to feel as horrible and empty and alienated and invisible as I was.

No adult was there to validate the absolute injustice that we were subjected to. And now, our inner child wants us as adults to acknowledge how shocking and horrifying it really was.

My ongoing therapy may have unlocked them, who knows.

My theory - absolutely untested - is that I am always at the edge of my window of tolerance. As soon as I get better, some room frees up, I grab on to the next thing that needs to be solved / digested. This ensures that I am constantly growing / healing  , but it also ensures that I am constantly uncomfortable  So, if I were in your situation, I would probably interpret it as a sign that the therapy is working 

Hot water bottles, fluffy blankets - absolutely wonderful ways to take good care of yourself on a tough day.