Messages

I was just informed by my therapist that I have complex PTSD. This was our 2nd session and my first time with a therapist. I decided to get help after a year of torture, dealing with anxiety and panic attacks and now recently insomnia. It affects me so much that I cant work a full time job and I suffer with physical symptoms every single day from when I wake up to when I go to "sleep". Ive been through 2 very hard break ups in the last 4 years... The first one was hard only because we had children together, but the second one... The second one has me tossing and turning every single night. My therapist told me that I have PTSD from the father of my children (We'll just call him A). I knew I had some triggers from that horrible relationship, but the more she talks about him the more I realize I have more triggers than I really realize. From being screamed at, controlled, scared, being woken up from his drunken rampage, to being called names for 6 years... I am damaged. I thought that the reason why ive been struggling so long was from anxiety but I didn't know where that anxiety was coming from until now... I left my recent ex in January 2019 (We will call him B)... I blamed our relationship for my unhappiness and I left him. May be the worst mistake of my entire life, im still unsure. But now I live with guilt, uncertainty, and even worse anxiety than before. Just when I thought I had issues before, why not throw some PTSD in there... SMH. Well any way, I need help. I need support. I need to know that im not the only one stumbling on the daily. I have a long road of recovery and I try so hard to stay positive and focus on the brighter days... But im so scared. Im so scared that because of my decision to leave someone who meant the world to me, I will never find love again... But I shouldn't even be focused on that. For once in my life I need to focus on myself and let it all go... But I have such hopeless days... I feel very tired, very sad, and very lonely.