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Messages - Allikat_78

#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Looking for hope
August 24, 2020, 07:12:39 PM
If I post my whole story it would be a memoir ( which has crossed my mind bc I was an English major in college). So I will post it with bullet points
• I had a traumatic birth and my mom went into shock after the emergency c- section which was followed by severe postpartum depression. We did not get the initial bond between a mother and her child bc of this. She had been thru massive trauma prior to getting married to my dad and she was emotionally and physically abusive. I was terrified of her as I grew up.
•My first memory is of my mom and dad fighting as we were headed home from a late night at the barn where the horses were housed. He threatened to jump out of the truck and my mom egged him on. The next thing I knew he opened the door and jumped out of the truck and rolled down the ditch.
• I was molested for 4 years by my cousin from the ages of 6 to 10.
• Dropped out of college bc my first ex told me that the JW cult had the answers and I was in love and desperate.
• My second ex, who I was with for over 15 years sexually coerced me into doing things I didn't want to do but I loved him. So I engaged, and he would become furious bc he compared our sex life to people he wanted me to sleep with and when I finally put my foot down, the marriage got uglier than ever. I did not realize that the coersion was abuse until I got feedback from my addictions counselor. I am currently seeking help.
• My ex controlled everything. From the money I spent to the tattoos I got and if I did something for me, I would get the silent treatment for DAYS. Even when he physically abused me long before we were married, instead of apologizing for what he did, he chose to go play video games with his friends.
• On November 8th 2016 he went into my phone and saw I was venting to my friends which was NOT allowed. He ended the marriage that day.

I will stop here. I need support. My family is VERY dysfunctional and I have no friends so I am doing this alone, with the help of a mental health team.

I am LOST.