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Hello everyone
   I had been having a good run, until a few days back when I binged. I feel out of control those times. Due to my profession,  I feel a lot of pressure to get in shape. I am almost in shape but I still have some belly fat to go and its so difficult.  I waa doing well,  eating well.  Exercising properly without over training. And then suddenly I binged
A few cookies. A few spoons of Nutella. Little bit here. A little bit there. I feel miserable.  I feel shame. Guilt. As if I am stealing my family's better future away
Since we are facing considerable financial uncertainty , its crucial that I can get paid more if I lose the fat
I am working hard.
I wish I could seek therapy
I do intend to when I have more financial security.
I don't want my children to be like me.
My family is all I have and its killing to think that my eating issues are cheating my kids of a brighter future.
Any suggestions regarding binge eating.
I notice I over work and then lose track of time to eat properly and then go eat crap.
I also find myself delaying my breakfast to avoid eating. I did try intermittent fasting but it didn't benefit me. I also read somewhere that it's not good for people who have food related issues.
Any help is welcome and appreciated.
Anyone with any tips about managing binge eating?
☹😓

Hello everyone
Looking for some insight here.
Ever since realising I have CPTSD,  some other physical issues have become more prominent.
I always have been eager to get up early. It's not just society or social media pressure alone, though it may have a hand in it. It's as if, for some reason I don't wake up atleast an hour or two before everyone else in the house, I am a failure.  As if my whole day is going to like crap. That whatever I do then is worthless as I started the day wrong and there is no coming back from it.
It didn't matter, whether I slept well,  if I was sick, or whether there was screaming and shouting and the accompanying beating going on to keep me and my siblings awake and afraid till late at night.
Also I don't allow myself rest. Like if I have work to do or chores to do, it's as if I pile up even more on my plate. I feel immense amount of guilt and shame when it comes to resting,  sleeping and taking care of myself.
I set an alarm for 4 or 5 am knowing well enough I have a small baby who doesn't sleep through the night and my body aches and I have such a terrible headache and yet I will trybto wake up
God forbid, if I am unable to, then I am so piley and cranky and angry that everyone around wants to just stay far away.
I am trying to change but it's hard. I have and want to do a lot, but I understand now that without adequate rest, nothing works out.
If anyone has any idea or thoughts or understanding about the why behind this behaviour,  please do share.
I feel when I hear from other people and their experiences and their reasoning,  it helps me understand my shortcomings and how to deal with them better.
Thanking in advance to everyone who stopped to read this and anyone who replied.
🙏

It took me 40 years to realise, that what I went through was abuse.
I was always told I was born cute but then God knows what happened. Apparently I became ugly for both my parents who thought they were a catch.
Irrespective of my husband and scores of other men and women appreciating my looks I always feel ugly and dress up.like *.
Very recently only I am slowly trying to dress better.
I was told I was a failure.  No one taught me at home. I was supposed to study and be a topper on my own, while my father was busy with alcohol and drugs which he managed as hemhad a decent govt job. And my mother pretended to teach us.
I am bright but find it difficult to follow through. Many other issues which were solely my problem as they both were super intelligent.
The treatment was same for my siblings.
I feel constantly ashamed of being unsuccessful,  financially not doing so Well, angry at failing at thongs for no fault of mine. Being in such a dense fogged up mind that I feel I was living in absolute chaos. Its just a few last years the fog has begun to dissipate.
The inner critic shut shames me when I try to dress ( how my mother used to call me a who$e), and other words.
The inner critic heightens my anxiety to a fever pitch of perfection anticipation, and I give up before even I try.
I feel so much rage at them. They both destroyed me and my siblings.
I tried to kill myself twice. That was 20 odd years ago. That was also blamed on me being stupid.
I had overdosed on barbiturates which had been prescribed to my father.
No one took me to the hospital . I don't know how I survived.
I went through sexual abuse as a child upto pre teens and it was not even acknowledged at first and then I was blamed. I was made to dress up so *. I feel she denied me food as well.
We siblings were beaten  mercilessly.

I binge eat. I work out get it shape and then screw it all up.
I feel so much negativity is inside my head in their voices.
It's so hard. Any tips ?
I  am glad I found this site.
I learn a lot. And feels like a safe place.
Thank you for reading

Hello very long post.
Apologies for that.
I am struggling currently with my inability to manage my binge eating.
I have been through emotional,  physical and CSA.
I have a loving family of my own now. My husband  and two kids.
I am a personal trainer and not able to get in shape is just eating me up.alive.
I try to talk to inner me and be calm and patient.  But I know I am rushing and trying to heal wounds that are much deeper.
But I end up sabotaging myself and binging.
Yoga helps but then again I get impatient and try to cut calories or whatever and then I binge.
I hide food, ferret it away and eat alone outside.
I feel so much shame
I have been suicidal. But that was years ago.
I feel ashamed at being unable to manage food and get into shape.
I haven't had contact with my surviving parent (mother) since 2 years or so.
Financially I can't afford a shrink.
Any tips regarding food will be helpful.
I have personally decided to not diet or cut calories too much. Eat clean and slowly start with yoga.
I do weights,  feel string and then again sabotage it
I feel so angry when I read posts here and start recognising my own abuse.
I just figured out last year that I have CPTSD.
And the other symptoms started being more understandable.
Anxiety, and so.much more.
I have felt ugly, shameful,  worthless all my life.
I always used to feel I am that.
Despite being reasonably okay looking, I dress up like a vagabond.
I deliberately dressed to hide my feminity as I felt shut shamed all the time inside my head.
I can't listen or watch traumatic news or movies as I start reliving them and I feel so involved
I feel so much anger and shame when I feel hungry.
The people here seem to have had so much inflicted on them, it seems like a refuge to me.
Any tips on healing from binge eating?
Thank you to whoever took time to read.