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Topics - zanzoken

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Recovery Journals / zanzoken's journal
« on: June 27, 2021, 07:22:59 PM »
This is my journal.  I started it offline a few days ago but figured I might as well post here.  Others are welcome to comment as they see fit.

All the best to each and every one of you in your continued healing and recovery.

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Introductory Post / Glad to be here with you all
« on: June 22, 2021, 04:33:39 AM »
It's hard to distill one's story down into a few paragraphs, as I'm sure you can all relate.  I will try my best though.

I was a happy, healthy child until my parents got divorced when I was 11 years old.  My mother took me and moved several hours away, leaving my father and older brother behind.  I didn't adjust well and experienced a traumatic breakdown that I still vividly remember.  Although I eventually reached a new, fractured equilibrium, I don't think I've ever been well since.

I stayed with my mother for two years, but she eventually let me return home.  My father had cast himself in the role of my savior, but unfortunately I soon came to realize that was a lie.  He was a hateful, controlling, abusive person, and spent the remaining years of my childhood grinding my spirit into dust. 

I did my best to put it all behind me and move on, but in my adult life I have continued to suffer.  When I finally sought treatment several years back, I was diagnosed as bipolar, but none of the medicines or talk therapy seemed to help.  There are times when despair falls near and I wonder if I will ever be able to live a good, meaningful life.

Finding this place has given me new hope, though, and renewed my desire to explore treatment.  Learning about cPTS / RTR makes me feel like I am finally starting to understand what happened to me and why my life is the way it is.  I am reading "The Body Keeps the Score" now and after I have had a chance to finish and contemplate it, I want to find a doctor or therapist who understands the nature of what we contend with, and knows how to help me heal.

Thank you for reading.  I wish you all the best and I hope I can make a positive contribution to this community.

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