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Any advise greatly appreciated..
My anxiety has been off the scale today ..
A family member is in contact with my in denial narcissist mother .. when I even text this person my anxiety gets so bad ..
Iv took to having no face to face contact with this family member as it really triggers me ..
I haven't had contact with my mother for 15 years ... this one person who sees her is what triggers me ...
Iv always lived in fear of my mother and after my psychotherapy I decided I want to go no contact with her ..
It's just this family member that creates this terrible fear as it's connected to her.
I'm waiting to start EDMR ...
❤️X

Good morning 
Iv found myself questioning why my mother doesn't  give me anything back....?
After years of counselling for depression and anxiety with a Pychologist I found I was co dependent and lived in fear of my mother....BIG FEAR ...
She physically abused my older brother and mentally abused me.. we were emotionally neglected..
Long story short Iv reach out to her  4 times to understand my pain  ... Iv written a letter to her and even turned up to her house .. which took a lot of doing .. she broke down crying saying how much she had mixed me .. as soon as I wanted answers she changed and became defensive and angry .. that was my cue to quickly get away !!!
Never again !!!!!!

Hi I'm new to this forum so please bare with me ..
14 years ago I had a nervous breakdown .. after years of pleasing  my narcissistic mother through fear from childhood.: during my psychotherapy which lasted 5 years I was unable to see my mother. ...
I can't remember much of this time and was on string medication.
She was informed that she could contact my husband to see how I was doing during my therapy.. she didn't bother to contact in the 5 years ..
I reached a place of understanding with regards to the childhood trauma and decided that I wanted to go no contact  when my therapy was over .
I was in a good place felt like I finally knew who I was ..
She wasn't in my life and  took no responsibility or acknowledgment of my abusive childhood ..she was angry that I left her!!!
All was so much better until my eldest son made a choice to have her in his life .. I accept he can make his own choices but since then I have started with severe anxiety and depression he has reinforced the trauma again .. it's got so mad that I have now been diagnosed with CPTSD .. awaiting to start therapy..
My son doesn't want to hear about anything to do with the mother and says it's between me and her .. he doesn't accept his a trigger ..
every time I'm going to see him the trauma comes back .. the physical symptoms are so strong ..
So from how far I had come to today .. it's all come back...
Feels so hard to start again after..
Thank you ☺️