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Does anyone else have those days/weeks/months when all your brain wants to do is remind you of every questionable thing you've ever done, using the most melodramatic, shaming language possible? "That time you were late to a meeting -- that really exposed you for the shameful !@#@% you really are. That's why you no longer work there, you dumb !@#$%." Etc....?

My "mother" and other family members are experts at wringing failure out of apparent success. Graduation, sometimes with honors? "You didn't seem so popular." An exhibit at a national gallery? "Not that many people attended." (The first example is from my life, over multiple graduations, beginning in sixth grade; the second is from my brother's.)  I grew into a perfectionist striver who can barely tolerate myself when receiving positive feedback at work ("They haven't noticed how problematic I am yet; better work harder.")

So, a few weeks ago, when a board member said something snide in an email, it stuck with me. She said my supervisor had told her I was "having trouble keeping to schedule" since my assistant left. My supervisor immediately informed me that she had said no such thing, and may have spoken to this board member, too -- or not. Anyway, despite this, I'm having trouble not obsessing about this comment and whether I am, in fact, too slow, and whether I'm going to be let go. It feels like I really need the board member to write again and take it back in order to let this go. That obviously isn't going to happen.

And this leads to memories of all sorts of other "failures" -- the time I tried to intervene when police were harassing someone, and they arrested him, anyway; my last conversation with this board member, when, to comfort her about a missed deadline, I mentioned one of my own (stupidly, I now see); etc. On a good day, I'd know that I do what I can and that's all anyone can expect. But I've woken up too early these past few days, with thoughts like these, and am trying to get through a deadline-centered workday on CPSTD-brain.

Thank you very much for reading.

Is this an issue for other people, too? It hampers me when I'm working, and then, after I've submitted my work. It's very easy for me to imagine potential criticism and I pretty much exist in a "pre-failure" state while awaiting a response.

When I was in high school, I participated in my first debate competition and was sure my score was low to move me on the the next stage. My father agreed that was probably the case, and came to pick me up. The next day, I found out I'd actually been in fourth place. 

Thanks for reading!

...or may have done wrong
...or may have been perceived in a negative light

Examples: Losing control of a classroom I was teaching (5 years ago), misspeaking and accidentally offending someone (4 years ago)

Does anyone else have these?

Could the cause be that my parents would often bring these things up, and use them to rationalize abuse, and blamed me for other people's bad treatment?

I would really like to rid myself of the notion that I'm a lot worse than other people...but I keep thinking that that may be the truth.

These memories then lead to terror that I might "screw up" again, so I take half an hour to write each email for work, minutely go over interactions in my head, etc.

Hi everyone,

So, the last four times my partner and I have seen his sister and her husband, they have kept their youngest (2 YO) daughter up way past her bedtime, all the while remarking on how tired she is. She seems exhausted, and hurts to watch her basic needs be ignored. 

The reason they do this, as far as I can tell, is that they don't want to leave the family event or compromise their other activities. She's their third child, and I think they don't really want to be bothered.

It's very hard to watch, for me, perhaps because of my own family background. I worry that they may be doing permanent harm to her health and sense of safety, but I don't have kids, so I don't really know. Could someone on this board who does have experience with young children comment on this, please?

Here's what we've tried to do about it so far:
- My partner drops very obvious hints about how they really should be getting home so their daughter can sleep. They understand what he's getting at, but ignore it or laugh it off.
- My partner's parents schedule family events as early as possible, but often, these parents ask to make them later because they have other things going on.

Can other people relate? Am I over-reacting? Is there anything else I, as a non-member of the family, can do?

Hi everyone,

Something I read on a different thread reminded me that, often, the IC/OC seems to be trying to protect me from harm by imagining the worst. More than that, the Inner Eeyore (as I sometimes think of it) seems to feel its "job" is to anticipate and protect me from potential mistakes, misdeeds and harm. So, I've begun speaking to it reassuringly, saying, "If I make a mistake, and you don't notice, I won't be mad. We're all only human. It's okay. You can rest now." It works...sometimes, at least.

Thanks for reading!