Hello.Yep another newbie. I have been researching how my brain was bent as a child from a physiological sense and unpacking some issues. I'm pretty much self diagnosed because our public mental health system is a bit
and i'm poor. and because I've always seemed to be high functioning, any problems have been treated like just anxiety or , dare I say it...made up - GP's can be stupid. My mother was "difficult" to live with and it's only really been since her passing away in 2017 that her influence has withered and repressed memories have surfaced as her various compulsions have crumpled. 46 years of my life. ....And I am who I am in spite of her. From what I can remember, the abuse started when I was about 2years old and included a lot of smacking, smacking with an object, violence, threats, gaslighting and mind games. Most of the physical violence was over by the time I was 6yrs and was the threat of violence, gaslighting, manipulation and mind games.
During 2019 I finally told Dad what she was like when he wasn't looking... I was also having health problems. More stupid doctors.
In Nov 2019, I was fitted with a dual-lead pacemaker for bradycardia (slow HR) and Complete Heart Block (Faulty AV node). In hindsight, I'd been having heart probs since about 8 months after she passed away. Now 2 -more years later another BIG memory has surfaced and I'm a different person. Better. Whole.
Seems I had suffered a localised dissociative amnesia ...one that has lasted for 33 years
Transitioning this ...the new CPTSD from that, unpacking the trauma, realising that a piece of my soul broke off that day and now, with that door opened, younger me has been merging back into older me. Odd sensation to say the least. This feeling of being two me's becoming one again. 
I've been doing this without meds and only a smidgen of free counselling....because stupid GP didn't take me seriously and refer me to a specialist like I requested. 
In the last week, I've just started taking a lowish dose dosulepin (TCA that I've taken before), and my cardiologist allows me to take it. It works very well (helps stop me going down the rabbit holes) and works pretty much immediately...the opposite of the norm. I take it in the morning because it doesn't make me sleepy - It wakes me up.
I here to learn, share stuff and grow.
I've asked if I can just take one a day and I really need to get him to chat the Hospital GP Liaison and ask about the effect on me and how taking 50mg in the morning might suit me better. I have taken 75mg/day in the past...but I have recently recovered a repressed memory and it's possible that the physiology of my brain has improved with the reintegration of the memory.