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I would like to recommend the book,  Not Trauma Alone by Steven N. Gold. It is written for therapists but I found it very helpful. I can tell it was written with compassion and sensitivity for those who survived prolonged child abuse of any type.  The premise is found in the title. Dr. Gold understands that we struggle with much more than just trying to make sense out of what happened to us. We end up facing life as adults with few or none of the necessary life skills. Our views of people, the world, and relationships are based largely on misperceptions gained in our abusive and/or neglectful families of origin.

Dr. Gold writes: "Personally, I have found it to be a tremendously humbling experience to work with individuals striving to overcome the impediments created by a history of prolonged childhood abuse. My own impression of those clients who have successfully completed contextual therapy is that they are not just functioning adequately, but in many respects are navigating through life in a manner that is exceptional."

The book is filled with hope and the belief that survivors are valuable and worthy individuals.

I find it hard to be friends with non cptsds. There are a couple of coworkers that seem to like me but I don't know what to say to them. I can only talk about work or listen as they talk about their lives. I don't want to be the "buzz kill" and describe what I have been through and the struggles that go with it. Then there is the inner critic battle in my head as I listen to them. I have been avoiding them lately but that does not seem like the right solution.

I don't want to confide in them because non cptsds don't usually get it. And what if word gets around my workplace?

Once I told someone that I had a lousy Thanksgiving and she never saw me again without bringing that up! Has anyone figured out what to do in these social situations?

I have been on a mission to figure out what is wrong with me and to stop the emotional pain for about 15 years now. Discovering Pete Walker's books about CPTSD has helped immensely. I started reading the books 6 months ago. My childhood was sad and lonely. I have been in denial about that for years. I thought what I went through was the same as everyone else and I just wasn't handling it as well. Now I know differently. My current life is a result of survival choices made beginning about age 15. I am a married professional with 2 children, one grandchild, a home, and probably appear pretty normal. It is like living in someone else's life. Inside I work hard to keep the emotional pain to a manageable level, filter what I say and do, and basically imitate what I think of as a normal person. My story differs from most in that there was no one there for me in my childhood. My family isolated us from all relatives, my mother isolated us from our father, and there were no teachers, coaches, or counselors that befriended me. I look forward to learning about the stories of others that have had similar experiences. No one I know has had a background like mine.