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Back in April, my mother passed away from complications of diabetes. After the initial shock of the news faded, I celebrated. This sadistic, homophobic, manipulative, lying woman is nothing more than a pile of ashes now, and will never be able to abuse me or anyone else ever again. She's dead. I won. I owe her nothing.

For anyone else who's been in the situation where an abusive person in their life has died, are these feelings normal? Probably not, but are they at least relatable? I don't feel any regrets about not being able to reconcile with her. My last couple phone conversations with my mother were very superficial but nice, more chores than anything else. Now my life will be devoted to those who are actually worth my time and energy, namely my wonderful boyfriend, who she'd never approve of.

Hello everyone! This is my second introductory post. Forgive me in advance if that's not allowed, but I figured that since it's been so long since my last post here and that my contributions to the forum were minimal, I'd make a second one.

First off I would like to apologize for the incredibly bitter, misanthropic language I used during my first stint on this forum (early 2016). These rantings were akin to an angsty teenager who had his Linkin Park CDs taken away from them, and contradict my worldview and values.

I was at an incredibly dark point in my life, failing miserably at a commuter school whose commute was almost literally killing me, suffering through contact with an incredibly abusive, manipulative mother (who thankfully is now dead), and had no social life to speak of. And while I have endured further struggles since that period, I'd like to think that my life is objectively better than it was then (or even at this time last year).

I'm 23 years old and currently a "super senior" in college. I have documented diagnoses of Asperger's syndrome, major depressive disorder, PTSD, and was misdiagnosed with Bipolar I "with psychotic features" after a nervous breakdown in August of last year. Needless to say, I'm not a psychopath, although I fully admit to having mental health struggles like all of us here. I now realize that a good portion of my trauma results from me being the victim of psychiatric malpractice, on top of child abuse and family issues.

Finally, and perhaps most excitingly, I have a partner who I've been with for six months now, after six years single. We're madly in love with one another, and every time I hold hands with him or kiss him, I imagine how it would annoy my mom. As he words it, I'm "living my best life". Even though the country may be descending into a totalitarian hellscape, I want to carve out my own little slice of Paradise with him.

If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask them here. Take care!

Forgive me if this thread is irrelevant to this section, I'm new here and a moderator can feel free to move it to wherever (s)he feels it would be most appropriate.

Perhaps I'm just an inferior p**sy for having emotions, as I've been told so many times before, but I've noticed something pretty sickening and pervasive on the internet in recent months that virtually no one is talking about, and that is the fact that being "triggered" has somehow become a sick joke in the eyes of so many.

So let me give a little context: "triggered" is an internet meme that's often used by keyboard fascists who associate PTSD with gender egalitarians and so-called "social justice warriors" (calling someone an "SJW" is basically the 21st century equivalent of calling them "n**ger-lover", if you've ever read To Kill a Mockingbird). The implication is that a person who's offended by anything a person says - regardless of whether it's for a good reason or not - is a weakling and crybaby and subhuman. This revolting attempt at humor essentially paints people with PTSD as the laughing stock of the whole world, acknowledging that the very notion of triggers originates from PTSD and still carrying an explicit intention to do emotional harm. Plus, it is a double insult, as it connects this mental illness with the aforementioned SJWs (yeah, as if believing in an egalitarian society makes me a terrible person. Go f**k yourself.)

Look, these are the kind of people who want to make The Turner Diaries a reality, and they're far more common than you would think. I've seen their atrocities first hand. They bully people into killing themselves and then celebrate their deaths. They believe that things like the Holocaust, rape, acid throwing and lynchings are justified. They have a pathological obsession with ripping apart ANYone who is against the oppression of people of color, LGBT people, women, the mentally ill and disabled, the poor, Muslims, Jews, etc. Some of my friends have screamed out at entire groups of people to their faces that they deserve to be pumped full of Zyklon B. God forbid I call them out on it though, because they'll scream bloody murder about how I'm a "degenerate" and "cuck". Am I the only person who gives a damn about just how cruel this is, and that they're getting away with it?!

My mother savagely beat me after finding out (without my consent) that I was bisexual. She mocked me as a "diaper-wearing sissy" constantly. I never knew what it was like to have emotional validation for my identity, or just the basic acceptance that so many others take for granted, and because of this (and a myriad of other factors) I developed CPTSD and depression. After I came of age and exited those circumstances, this sadistic culture of bigotry and defamation is the world I had to enter. It's literally adding insult to injury.

Sometimes I feel like nothing in this world is worth saving, not even myself. Especially not myself. I constantly am bombarded with exposure to this cancerous herd mentality which defames people with an ounce of logical thought, who see what's wrong with the world and actually have the audacity to stick up for the disenfranchised. I can hardly begin to even comprehend the disgusting heartlessness people exhibit, and the fact that this is reality. I don't believe in supporting freedom for the people who have consistently denied it to others. My only criticism of the people that are accused of being social justice warriors is that they aren't literal warriors. I think it's high time that the fascists are given a taste of their own medicine and the oppressors finally become the oppressed for once. If your ideology advocates the outright genocide of minorities, then you are the only one who deserves to be the victim of genocide.

I'm sorry if this comes off as ranting or angry. But I really am so paralyzed by the heartlessness of others, and am sickened that I'm unable to call them out on it. Seems as if anywhere I go abusers and traitors follow. But can anyone relate to how it seems like the whole world has made a sick joke out of the fact that you exist? Am I just crazy, or is it a little messed up that compassion and reason are incessantly mocked and seen as signs of weakness?

I'm not really sure where I should begin. Judging from what I've read on the website, I'd like to think that this forum caters to what I'm looking for. But considering how a couple mental health "support" forums have proven to be disgustingly oppressive environments for me, I really don't know what to expect. Forgive me if this sounds nihilistic, however if we're going to be honest here I fully admit to being a nihilistic, hateful, despondent, misanthropic wreck of a human being, and not without good reason.

I guess I should start out by saying that I'm a 20 year old bisexual male living in the northeast United States. I suffer from Asperger syndrome and major clinical depression; I also strongly believe I suffer from complex PTSD, however my therapist hasn't given an official PTSD diagnosis yet. The latter two issues were formed due to me being constantly bullied and abused throughout my childhood; physically, verbally, and emotionally. On top of that, my traumatic experiences have been contested and outright mocked countless times, so I attribute the torturous state of affairs in my mind to that as well. These psychological issues have a huge impact on my daily life; they've negatively affected my academic standing, social life, functioning as an adult, and probably my physical health too. I feel like my mind holds my soul at gunpoint and forces it to watch all these terrible memories on repeat. It seems as if every next thought or word that comes out of someone else's mouth is a potential landmine, and I'm powerless in avoiding them.

I apologize if the last paragraph is long-winded, rambling, or unnecessary. I'm hoping that I can find solidarity, validation, or compassion on this forum, as these are three things that I rarely experience. I also would like to connect with individuals who've been in similar situations as myself. I hope I can share some of my experiences and insights with this board. And finally, I'm looking to be referred to resources that can help bring me peace of mind, whether they're social service agencies, group therapy meetings, or mentors that can teach me all the essential life skills that the rest of the population takes for granted.

Thank you for letting me subject you to this post, and I hope your day is going better than mine. If you have any questions to ask me, feel free to do so in this thread. Take it easy.