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Topics - 89abc123

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General Discussion / Highly Sensitive People...Opinions?? TW
« on: February 10, 2018, 02:03:40 AM »
I wanted to bring up this topic to see othersí points of view on it.

Highly Sensitive People

Is it nature or nurture? I feel like the traits of HSPs overlap with trauma and anxiety disorders. So how to we know the difference??

I find the idea of being one of 20% of the population that inherited a sensitivity gene insanely triggering. I mean, doesnít that take the power away from recovery if people say Ďoh you inherited a gene that makes you quiet, shy, have performance anxiety, have difficulty in relationships and it makes people want to bully you and you just have to take extra special care of yourself and hide away and take naps and warm baths every time you feel overwhelmed. You will never be like normal people you just have to accept ití.

Doesnít that just invalidate the trauma weíve been through? Itís hard to sit with when people say that I reacted stronger to my abuse than other people would. Really??

You might as well tell me that iím Autistic or have some other special mental disability because I see it in the same vain.

I find the whole idea of HSP to be incredibly disempowering and puts me back into a hopeless state.

The other idea I wanted to bring up is every childhood emotional abuse survivor seems to label themselves as HSP. Would that not be narcissistic victim syndrome being mislabeled as a genetic trait?

Are we using HSP as an excuse to stay comfortable instead of pushing ourselves into healing

What are your thoughts?

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Struggling
« on: February 03, 2018, 04:13:39 PM »
Today is just one of those hopeless days where I feel like Iíll never recover.

General Discussion / First time spending Christmas alone
« on: December 03, 2017, 02:00:10 PM »
So this year I'll be spending Christmas alone. I finally managed to go no contact with the narc brother earlier this year, so of course that means not going to my parents house this year to do the usual family obligations.

I'm 28yo and single, with few friends. just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can spend my day?

i don't want to pretend I'm not going to be miserable, I just want to try and lessen the blow so to speak.

Does anyone else have the problem of crying when trying to set boundaries with people. I come off looking weak and like a joke.

People don't respect what I say it just reinforces that I'm crazy and weird

Any idea what this response is linked to?? Or how to go about fixing it?

Therapy / Emdr making me worse
« on: July 22, 2017, 01:18:45 PM »
I've just started emdr with a therapist and I have gotten significantly worse since.

I have had 3 sessions now and I've resorted back to old habits of over eating and drinking alcohol.

My anxiety is sky high and I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I spend most my days at work on the verge of tears.

The therapist said its normal for a while after but not too long. It's been over 3 weeks now.

Symptoms - Other / Interesting Ollie Matthews Vid
« on: June 28, 2017, 01:20:18 PM »
So I just watched an Ollie Mathews video that I thought was really relatable.

He's talking about always being told 'you need to smile more', 'why are you so serious'. I get these comments from people sooo often. I also have trouble expressing positive emotion. I'm not the type of person to get super excited about anything, don't really express love etc. I feel very down and flat.

Could anyone recover their 'happiness' so to speak? I feel sad about this realisation.

General Discussion / Nervous about going no contact
« on: June 26, 2017, 05:06:03 AM »
After an emotional weekend I have finally decided that I am going to go no contact with my toxic brother.

The last time I saw him was about 4 weeks ago and I have been ruminating ever since.

I am so nervous because my parents are his flying monkeys and I have am pretty certain my relationship with them is going to deteriorate. I think that's the fallout I have been the most scared of. My mum is also highly manipulative and lies a lot, so I know she is going to try and twist things.

I think I am finally strong enough to deal with it though. And I am super excited about my new free life.

Anyone have any tips for dealing with family members who refuse to see the abuse??

General Discussion / Feeling like I'm not allowed...
« on: June 24, 2017, 02:03:33 PM »
Does anyone else who was raised in a narcissistic family unit feel like they aren't allowed to enjoy anything or be successful?

I am constantly feeling guilt for having interests that are the same as the narcs. I feel like if it's something they are interested in then I'm not allowed to enjoy it too.

I've even had him become enraged because I watch a tv series that he watches.

My life's become a series of self sabotage and dumbing myself down so that I don't upset the narcissist with my success. I have a lot of grief about what I could have made of myself.

General Discussion / Finding a support system
« on: June 24, 2017, 12:53:38 AM »
I know this topic has been bought up several times, but how do you go about recovering when you don't have any support?

I just don't get anywhere in therapy because if a certain family member starts noticing I'm changing he mocks and humiliates me and then I just go straight back to how I was.

I read somewhere that you need a 'healing relationship' in order to recover but I have severe intimacy issues. I don't know where I can meet anyone who would even want my misery in their life....certainly not a healthy person.

General Discussion / Still in contact with covert narc
« on: May 15, 2017, 04:14:56 AM »
How much healing do you think is possible when you are still in contact with a narcissist.

I love where I live, but it's too close to my family of origin. Every time I see them I take a few weeks to stabilise again. I'm thinking I need to move somewhere slightly further away, but I'm terrified of starting over with no support network.

The back story. Older brother is a covert narc, my parents refuse to see the problem and guilt trip me every time I attempt no contact. My mum also plays go between...any personal info I share with my mum gets relayed to the brother.

My mum wants a happy family, so will lie and downplay things so that no one will leave her.

I'm so trapped and suffocated. I just want to escape but I get made out to be a terrible person.

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Overwhelming thoughts
« on: April 17, 2017, 06:59:08 AM »
Today is one of those days where I am having thoughts about not achieving anything in life.

I'll be 28 this year and all I've ever wanted to do is go travelling. Mental illness has stopped me from doing that and all I can think about is that when I finally do go, I'm going to be too old.

It's led me down a path of focusing on everything I haven't done. I've never had a serious relationship, I don't have a career and I have hardly done much of anything with life so far. I'm feeling extremely anxious that my time is running out.

Could this time urgency and regret be a symptom of an ef? Or do you think I'm just grieving over what I've lost?

I don't know how to snap out of this one.

I've been really coming along in leaps and bounds with managing my emotional flashbacks, however last night I posted in this forum and I didn't realise I was in an EF.

After doing some further journaling after reading my posts I noticed that me posting in this forum is actually a sign that I've been triggered.

It might seem really obvious but I had never noticed that me logging on to this site is a manifestation of my freeze response. Looking back on the posts I've done there is always a desperate tone to them. If I read the post a few days later, it's like it was never me that wrote it in the first place.

Anyway I wanted to share, because I assume a lot of other people do this too.

I feel like earlier posts were extremely unhealthy because I just needed someone to reassure me that I wasn't crazy. The post last night tho was really helpful and the person who replied actually helped me work through the ef. I think with this awareness I can now use this forum as a positive tool, not just a place to vent my negativity like I would in the past.

It's amazing how cptsd seeps into every single action.

Symptoms - Other / Shame
« on: April 06, 2017, 01:54:41 PM »
Hi guys,

It's been so long since I have posted here but I had a crisis tonight that led me back to seeking out support.

I was texting with a friend and i thought I'd try an experiment and reveal something personal about myself. I decided to let her know my struggles with severe anxiety. She replied with 'yeah your so anxious but I see through it and love you anyway'.

I cried for like an hour straight. I feel devastated to know that people can see how anxious I am. I don't know why it bothers me so much because I also have anxious friends who I love and can see the anxiety but it doesn't bother me at all.

I am literally in a shame spiral over this. Could it be an emotional flashback over feeling 'exposed'??

I just can't live with myself when I know my negative traits and problems are so evident. Like everyone knows how sick I am, but they hang out with me anyway. How do you deal with the shame over the person that cptsd has turned you into. The way I behave around people is so humiliating.

General Discussion / Shrinking the inner critic
« on: January 15, 2017, 08:13:42 AM »
I've started really trying to process my past trauma over the past few months and have been doing a lot of inner child journaling instead of trying to avoid my feelings.

Has anyone else tried the spartan life coachs new discipline course? I've also been doing this for about 15 days now.

I don't know if it's one of these or both of these but I noticed today that my inner critic has been significantly reduced. I feel different at my core in a way that I can't explain.

I just wanted to see what other people's experience was with either one of these methods of healing is. I really want to find out what's working so well and continue it.

I'm grateful yet dumbstruck at the power of these. For the first time ever I don't hate myself?? I'm no where near on top of cptsd but I'm just...different. Anyone else experienced something similar?

General Discussion / Splitting and bpd
« on: November 03, 2016, 02:59:31 PM »
So I'm still searching for a correct diagnosis. I don't know if I have bpd or cptsd. Sometimes I even think I'm npd. I'm very confused and I am making myself sick over this.

So apparently splitting is a bpd trait. I do this A LOT. Is it possible to still have cptsd and engage in push pull/splitting behaviours? I've also read that impulsivity is a bpd trait, but I've noticed that lots of cptsd sufferers have problems with addictions etc.

Any further info on splitting and how to not do it?

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