Hi all,
So today I had a strange experience and I realized it is something I do often. I've had a cold for the last few days but school just started up this week so I had to go to classes and finish up graduate school applications and a bunch of other stuff so I couldn't really rest. I don't remember how this happened, but today even though I still feel poorly I forgot about it?? Today I was studying (I am a math major in my senior year working with really abstract stuff -- think super hard logic puzzles) and I couldn't focus or think clearly and I got so mad at myself I immediately recognized that inner critic voice berating me for being tired and needing to rest when i've got so much to do, telling me i'm going to be a failure if I don't start the school year strong, etc, etc. I went to lie down under a warm blanket to try to handle the emotional flashback and then as I was relaxing I realized that I still felt really sick - sore throat, aches and pains, headache, etc. I don't know how to explain it -- I didn't STOP feeling sick today while going to class and studying. My body was still sick and still felt sick but it is like my mind didn't let me deal with it. When I was lying in bed I tried to focus on my body and take deep breaths to calm down and then I realized that part of what was stopping me from doing that effectively was a sore throat and then once I noticed that I noticed everything else too. I feel so scared and out of control that I could just suppress feeling sick like that without noticing or trying. Now i'm resting and realizing that i've definitely made myself sicker by pushing things while ill but how am I supposed to rest and take it easy when I keep myself from noticing when something is wrong like that? Does this happen to anyone else? How can I get more in touch with my body?
So today I had a strange experience and I realized it is something I do often. I've had a cold for the last few days but school just started up this week so I had to go to classes and finish up graduate school applications and a bunch of other stuff so I couldn't really rest. I don't remember how this happened, but today even though I still feel poorly I forgot about it?? Today I was studying (I am a math major in my senior year working with really abstract stuff -- think super hard logic puzzles) and I couldn't focus or think clearly and I got so mad at myself I immediately recognized that inner critic voice berating me for being tired and needing to rest when i've got so much to do, telling me i'm going to be a failure if I don't start the school year strong, etc, etc. I went to lie down under a warm blanket to try to handle the emotional flashback and then as I was relaxing I realized that I still felt really sick - sore throat, aches and pains, headache, etc. I don't know how to explain it -- I didn't STOP feeling sick today while going to class and studying. My body was still sick and still felt sick but it is like my mind didn't let me deal with it. When I was lying in bed I tried to focus on my body and take deep breaths to calm down and then I realized that part of what was stopping me from doing that effectively was a sore throat and then once I noticed that I noticed everything else too. I feel so scared and out of control that I could just suppress feeling sick like that without noticing or trying. Now i'm resting and realizing that i've definitely made myself sicker by pushing things while ill but how am I supposed to rest and take it easy when I keep myself from noticing when something is wrong like that? Does this happen to anyone else? How can I get more in touch with my body?