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I'm terrified. I have to see my psychiatrist Monday. she gave me low dose Olanzepine for now. I was scared to take it but it helped last night. I just took a emergency dose right now because I am having a panic/flashback of terror in my body and my heart and I feel like Im going to die. Also body zapping it's really weird. Also when I try to watch tv, I keep having random memories of toys from when I was little or the swimming pool or different clothes or places in my old house. Please help me how do I stop??

Hi everybody. I last posted a while ago and was busy doing a bit better and never logged back in until today. Basically on Saturday, I was with my husband in Tadoussac, QC for the long weekend to do whale watching for our aniverssary. Anyway, I slipped on the rocks and fell hard on my back/shoulders and elbows I guess because I had big bruises on them. So we went to the hospital there and it was tough because I only know a bit of french, but the doctor said I could probably still go whale watching on Monday. I didn't really have any symptoms except a very sore neck. It was the worst decision. It was very wavy and we were in a zodiac boat and must have slammed down at least 100 times, each time jarring my whole body and my head started to feel weird and I got really nauseated. Anyway, after a 7 hour drive, we were back home and went to bed. Tuesday morning everything changed. I felt SO agitated/irritable, restless and crying a lot. I felt nauseated again and a bit of a headache. I went to see my family DR and she said I have a concussion and whiplash. She said that it will take a few weeks to heal. Well, each day I am SO exhausted, sleeping SO much, feel very depressed and crying, yelling and irritable with my husband and feeling like I will never be myself.  I keep hearing HORROR stories about how people still felt horrible emotionally for years later and that their personality changed. Before this happened, my worst fear was getting a concussion, considering I already struggle so much with CPTSD. This has just completely devastated me. I know it's only been 6 days since the fall and 4 days since the awful boat ride, but I almost felt immediately that something had changed and I would never recover. I JUST started really making improvements with my CPTSD symptoms before this and now I feel certain it's hopeless.  I'm just wondering if anyone has had a concussion while having CPTSD and healed okay?? PLEASE let me know, especially if you struggled with emotional issues directly related to the concussion right after, but then got better? I am just so scared and sad right now I already had trouble trusting I would be okay before this and now I feel devastated. If it helps to know, when I fell I didn't hit my head or lose consciousness or sight, but my chin hit my chest (teeth knocked together),  I felt pain in my head and like my brain smashed around and all I kept asking my husband was "did I hit my head?" and he said no but that I was a bit dazed for a few seconds. I know you still can get concussion from this, but I guess my biggest fear was after that boat ride, from all the smashing down (really hard, people were screaming) through the waves two days after, that I may have caused irriversable damage after that...I just don't know. I just keep finding terrifying things on the internet and thought it might be better to ask here if someone has had a similar experience and it wasn't a horrifying outcome. And really any of your opinions would be helpful and welcomed very much! Thank you so much in advance!

PS: oh and I just wanted to add that ever since the fall, I have been having relentless nightmares (like before but worse) every single time I sleep. I don't know if it's from the concussion or the emotional stress related to the concussion...or both. Really I just wonder if it will get better!!!

Hi, Amanda for the third time. I feel like I'm posting way more than other people!!! This is all very new to me still and I have so many questions. One of them is regarding what I learned are called "triggers", so I knew only extreme examples and never knew MY triggers it seems until now. I feel like almost everything is triggering me into a panic attack or emotional flashback. Also getting me so agitated and irritable  These "triggers" seem to involve anything now regarding any type of child abuse, neglect, cruelty. Ex: at the grocery store I overheard a small child softly crying and the mom saying "Oh for (gods) sake, grow up. Do you want to celebrate your party, because if you do, stop this whining right now!" I completely froze...sounded identical to my mom. I tried to just keep focusing on what I was doing, but I couldn't, I got all shaky, chest got all tight (I've just always referred to my sensations as a "panic attack" but I don't know now!) because then a powerful rage swept over me and I felt so bad for the girl. Anyway, I was so upset I just left the store, but not without giving the lady probably the deadliest, disgusted face she ever saw. I felt so crazy and out of control.  Also, now any news about terrorist attacks, murders, anything causes my heart to race and I have to avoid it. This is VERY confusing for me, because I have always been a "news" person!! Now all of a sudden I can't handle it? And I realize I'm even triggering myself to the point of feeling AWFUL by reading certain things, or watching certain things thinking I'll be fine...but then I'm not. What are we supposed to do if we have been triggered or even triggered ourselves?? Like how do we stop feeling so weird and try to feel "normal"?? Whatever that feels like. The other question, related to this I think but sometimes seems/seemed to just completely come out of the blue, is about "somatic" symptoms. Whatever this is, it is my WORST struggle of all!! To not make it too long, I will try to sum up the last two years regarding that...2 years ago first pregnancy, I was excited but then terrified and couldn't explain at all WHY, had such severe "panic attacks" I was hospitalized. Ended up misscarying, thought I felt relief. While out one day I started getting SUPER weird sensation almost as though my heart just stopped, then this wave and as though my heart started again. (Most terrifying sensation I ever felt.) freaked out, went to the hospital, everything showed fine. Then began a looong and tortured past 2 years of having a phobia that I have some sort of heart issue, rare arrythmia as at first it came out of the blue only, when I felt fine. Well, many, MANY tests have been done on me, even wearing a holter monitor WHILE getting the sensation and (comically) the cardiologist said I didn't even register ONE palpitation !? Which he said would be harmless anyway. I've had so many others tests and all are normal. My brain gets it and logically I get it, but my body doesn't. I no longer run to the hospital, but the sensations or FEAR of sensations keeps me in bed for days. I hate living like this. Recently my psychiatrist mentioned "somatic" symptoms and that they are NOT dangerous, but feel very real and terrifying. I know that this MUST be what is happening, but why all of a sudden and so weird? PLEASE let me know if any of you have this too! Some of the other "symptoms" are sudden dizziness and weakness when I try to go to a store and at other times, weird splotchy rashes, those weird chest sensations, "zaps" when I look around that feels IDENTICAL to med withdrawal, but everyone is saying no, that one in particular is hard for me to understand...it feels just like when I would miss a dose of paxil, but instead will come when I'm super anxious...I don't know anyone else who gets "zappy" or electrical shock sensations when they are super anxious!!???  anyway, I used to be active and every day I'm staying in bed more an more and terrified to be active. Any responses would be SO appreciated!! And does anyone know of a link or article that explains somatic symptoms? It IS definetly way worse when I think about it...I know this. So it's driving me CRAZY!!! Ughh logically I say "no no, don't worry about it, it's in your head" but then its like it just takes over my body and I panic and can't do anything  anyway sorry for the length of this once again and thank you SO much for reading!! 

Hi, it is Amanda again. I made a general post a few days back and I found the feedback helpful. This post is very specific this time to things I have seen in the last three days in a row and I'm feeling really...weird. It started Tuesday with me accidently hitting a beautiful, large snake sunbathing on the road (I live in the country and make frequent drives to the city) anyway, I immediately got out but saw his injury was fatal, but he was not dead. (This is the first animal I have hit and I am extremely sensitive) Nobody was around and I just burst into tears and kept apologizing, but I could NOT leave it there to suffer a slow, agonizing death, so I gently held him in my lap for the ride hope (I am not scared of snakes, so please don't think this was weird of me.) When I got home, I was somewhat hysterical and asked my husband to get me gauze. I pointlessly tried wrapping him up, but then saw he was bleeding from his mouth and paralyzed halfway and would not survive. I then made the agonizing choice, the first time I ever had to, to ask my husband to put it out of its suffering...no details but thankfully it was immediate and he buried him for me with a flower from my garden. So the rest of that day was a guilty, anxious blur of staying in bed. The very next day, very same road (I'm no longer taking that road in the future) I come across a turtle that had been badly run over, but at the last second I notice it kicking its back legs. I felt like I was going to literally be sick and again, I couldn't leave it in such a horrifying way to die (apparently the person who hit it doesn't feel the same) so I had to run over it again about 4 times, to be absolutely certain, it was extremely disturbing to have to do, but it had to be done. So then I get home, cry about it to my husband and STUPIDLY ask "are more bad things going to happen??" Two days later, I end up driving up to the scene of an accident before the OPP had arrived. I saw 4 cars to the side, an ambulance and a woman waving to me, saying "You need to turn around, there's been a serious accident" and before the damn tractor pulled across to block my view, I saw it. Immediately I froze when i saw the yellow tarp and a victims feet. I got really dizzy and it felt it took me forever to turn around, but I know it was seconds. In my head, I knew what I saw, logically I knew the man was gone, but a tiny part of me was still in denial, like maybe the tarp was covering blood and the shoes but that the person was rescued and on the way to the hospital. I knew not, but part of me hoped. I then read yesterday that it was a motorcycle and he died. Now I can't hope. I feel guilty to say this, as if I don't care about him, but I wish SO badly that the OPP trucks that I passed on the way back, who weren't even rushing or driving with their lights because they knew he was dead, still had half a heart for his sake and for us who saw him, because only after did they block the roads in both directions. Maybe they are used to death and can handle it, but I'm not and I just can't. I feel like horrible in this way because I stopped for the animals, and even though I was told to turn around, I feel this sickening guilt for driving away from a person who just lost their only life and was laying alone under that horrible yellow tarp. Is it weird that I feel like I wanted to just sit beside him so he wasn't alone? I just don't understand why or if it's normal to feel this way. I don't know if it's because before I was living partially dissociated from things/my body/feelings and now I just can't get that back. I know my psychiatrist said that it's a good sign, because I am feeling things again and becoming more connected to my body, but I honestly hate these overwhelming feelings. I am terrified that everyone is going to die and or that I'm cursed or something and am going to keep encountering death and I don't know why. I have always lived with the sensation that something very bad was going to happen and now it's coming true. I just don't know anything right now, it feels. I'm so sorry this was so long and I hope it was okay, I just have been trying to push it away away away and today I kept having weird panic attacks out of the blue and feeling physically sick and weak and just awful and I think it might have to do with these events, especially the poor person. I keep seeing him in my mind and I thought maybe if I talked about it, maybe it might help. Thank you so much for reading this and I'm sorry again.

Hi, my name is Amanda, I'm new here. I just got a formal diagnosis from my psychiatrist after 5 years of ...I don't really know the word. I have had many issues from childhood...such a long story...I felt a bit relieved to know there is a name for what I'm going through, but honestly I'm also at a point where it feels like things will never get better. All my symptoms are the strongest the last few months (scared to go places, feeling like I'm going to faint, chest pain, headaches and just no drive to do anything, almost every night nightmares and what I just learned are "emotional flashbacks"...I had a terrifying flashback two years ago in the hospital and I still am terrified it will happen at any point, especially when I start getting this sensation that I'm being pulled out of my body (it sounds weird, I don't know how else to explain it) Anyway, long story short, my mom, who I've had to stay distant from, asked me what has been going on and when I finally told her about the PTSD, she didn't believe it, or more so kept asking if I "felt" it was because of her...I kept trying to say it isn't the time or place to talk about it and that it was also from stuff with my biological father up until I finally stopped seeing him (around 4 years old) anyway, she kept being dismissive about it and that she has PTSD and it's a serious diagnosis..(as though I were making it up) and I had a panic attack very bad where I got these red splotches on my chest and going up my face, I couldn't breathe and I told her I would text back later. I still haven't been able to and when I saw my psychiatrist this morning, she explained that she didn't feel my mom was capable of hearing me and that it seemed once again (it's been a never ending pattern) that she needed to be parented and reassured, instead of the other way around. I know she's right, but lately things have just gotten SO overwhelming and I feel so confused and alone, even around other people. I just feel like I can't keep doing this anymore and that my body will just...die. (Not suicidal, just to be clear) Sorry for all this and I don't even know if anything makes sense, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation with symptoms and or the issue with my mom. Thank you so much and sorry again!