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Successes, Progress? / Such a Difference
« on: November 05, 2019, 04:46:37 PM »
So we moved into a brand new house in another province and it has been such a different experience than when we moved into what we thought would be our retirement home 6 years ago.
Like many people with Complex PTSD I have social anxiety and having a contractor working on that house was incredibly anxiety provoking for me. That and having neighbours who were very curious about us put me into high alert mode - it was beyond exhausting. Plus my H was away during the first 3 months we were in the house finishing out his time in the military so it was just me. It did not go well.
Currently we have three tradespeople in our house doing finishing work and they will be here for about 3 weeks. Amazingly I'm mostly fine with it and that's no small feat considering how my home has always been my sanctuary so yay to recovery
All of the work was supposed to be done by the time we moved in and while my H and I weren't pleased it wasn't and I went to my "don't rely on others, they will always let you down" place, I'm not on my own this time and I've been working on recovery so I've been able to let that go. We're just working with the builder/contractors to 'git er done' in as cordial but firm manner as possible. Normally I would get stuck in those angry, let down feelings but I just don't want those toxins flowing through my system and I realize that me having a defensive/angry attitude would not be helpful. Again, yay to recovery
And finally, my H was going through some things in the face of moving away from a province we love and retiring which caused some very real stress/distress on both our parts. My H who is normally a steady and calm guy was quite difficult to live with and I had to let him know in the strongest terms that while I understood he was having difficulties and wanted to support him, he could not continue to take it out on me. He shifted out of that thankfully and has been much easier to deal with. My recovery helped me understand why he was behaving as he was, but also that I needed to tell him he was being difficult and was pushing me to my limits. Love and boundaries get you through when someone loves you and is in there and able to connect. Nothing like this ever worked with my family because of their NPD sadly.
Anyway, just thought sharing about my bumps, lessons and successes gives a measure of reassurance/hope that working on recovery is worth it.
Like many people with Complex PTSD I have social anxiety and having a contractor working on that house was incredibly anxiety provoking for me. That and having neighbours who were very curious about us put me into high alert mode - it was beyond exhausting. Plus my H was away during the first 3 months we were in the house finishing out his time in the military so it was just me. It did not go well.
Currently we have three tradespeople in our house doing finishing work and they will be here for about 3 weeks. Amazingly I'm mostly fine with it and that's no small feat considering how my home has always been my sanctuary so yay to recovery
All of the work was supposed to be done by the time we moved in and while my H and I weren't pleased it wasn't and I went to my "don't rely on others, they will always let you down" place, I'm not on my own this time and I've been working on recovery so I've been able to let that go. We're just working with the builder/contractors to 'git er done' in as cordial but firm manner as possible. Normally I would get stuck in those angry, let down feelings but I just don't want those toxins flowing through my system and I realize that me having a defensive/angry attitude would not be helpful. Again, yay to recovery
And finally, my H was going through some things in the face of moving away from a province we love and retiring which caused some very real stress/distress on both our parts. My H who is normally a steady and calm guy was quite difficult to live with and I had to let him know in the strongest terms that while I understood he was having difficulties and wanted to support him, he could not continue to take it out on me. He shifted out of that thankfully and has been much easier to deal with. My recovery helped me understand why he was behaving as he was, but also that I needed to tell him he was being difficult and was pushing me to my limits. Love and boundaries get you through when someone loves you and is in there and able to connect. Nothing like this ever worked with my family because of their NPD sadly.
Anyway, just thought sharing about my bumps, lessons and successes gives a measure of reassurance/hope that working on recovery is worth it.
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Announcements / 7,000 Members and Counting
« on: November 04, 2019, 03:56:48 PM »
We just tipped over 7,000 members this morning - not a reason to celebrate but it does highlight how how much communities like OOTS where survivors can connect and share information are needed! 
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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / MOVED: Just a bit of ouch
« on: November 03, 2019, 04:00:11 PM »
This topic has been moved to NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism).
https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=12820.0
https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=12820.0
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Friends / Info/Resources
« on: October 21, 2019, 10:52:35 PM »
11 Ways To Break Up With A Toxic Friend, No Matter How Hard It Seems by Marlen Komar, Jul 15, 2016
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Announcements / Guideline Reminder - Giving Advice
« on: October 16, 2019, 04:38:46 PM »
For those who are new here, occasionally we will post a guideline reminder about something we're seeing creeping onto the board. We discourage giving advice in the form of "You should do this or that" because none of us knows what is best for someone else.
What we can do is share our experience and make suggestions that might help then leave it up to the member to make their own decision.
The only exception to this are if the member is in danger (suicide, domestic violence, self-harm) and then we do recommend they seek help as soon as possible.
While we encourage members to support and encourage others in theirs recovery, it is important to remember that we are each here to work on our own recovery first and foremost. Many of us with CPTSD have been trained to be caretakers and recovery for us involves resisting the temptation to do so here at OOTS.
Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such) - that's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD. Another person's situation may be very different from yours. Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds.
What we can do is share our experience and make suggestions that might help then leave it up to the member to make their own decision.
The only exception to this are if the member is in danger (suicide, domestic violence, self-harm) and then we do recommend they seek help as soon as possible.
While we encourage members to support and encourage others in theirs recovery, it is important to remember that we are each here to work on our own recovery first and foremost. Many of us with CPTSD have been trained to be caretakers and recovery for us involves resisting the temptation to do so here at OOTS.
Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such) - that's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD. Another person's situation may be very different from yours. Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds.
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Therapy / Therapy as a Senior
« on: October 12, 2019, 02:40:26 PM »
I am mid 60s though so age is a factor for me. I don't see myself sitting in a T's office at 70 or 80 frankly. Once we're settled in our new location I am going to give therapy one last good go to see if I can improve my life as I hit the 'home stretch' but I am somewhat doubtful about what I can accomplish. I am mostly comfortable with not having many close relationships, and am getting to the point where I would rather spend my $$$ and time on trying to have some fun than on a T.
Of course, this is just me and I'm not recommending anyone stop therapy just b/c of age.
Of course, this is just me and I'm not recommending anyone stop therapy just b/c of age.
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Suicide Ideation/Self Harm / Infomation about SI & SH
« on: October 05, 2019, 06:12:28 PM »
8 Tips Complex Trauma Survivors Need to Know About Living With Chronic Suicidality by Jocelyn Leo (survivor), July 2018. - a good article which makes the distinction we talk about here between having plans/intent to kill yourself (active SI)and wanting the pain to stop but not having any intent (passive SI).
Survivors of complex trauma, defined as recurrent and inescapable traumatic experiences, may struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. Some people living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) may have repeated suicide attempts, others may have passive suicidality, and others may find they lie somewhere on that spectrum of suicidality. This can shift, stay stagnant or become absent for long periods of time before it flares again. After traumatic experiences, it is often a very protective effort for trauma survivors to have a ¨way out¨ or a ¨safety net.¨ This may come in the form of suicidal ideation.
Survivors of complex trauma, defined as recurrent and inescapable traumatic experiences, may struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. Some people living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) may have repeated suicide attempts, others may have passive suicidality, and others may find they lie somewhere on that spectrum of suicidality. This can shift, stay stagnant or become absent for long periods of time before it flares again. After traumatic experiences, it is often a very protective effort for trauma survivors to have a ¨way out¨ or a ¨safety net.¨ This may come in the form of suicidal ideation.
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The Cafe / Quail Parade
« on: September 23, 2019, 03:49:36 PM »
Most mornings as I type away on my laptop in my office, a parade of quail march across the lawn out front in single file going one way and then at night they walk single file along the fence in our back yard going the other. 
There are usually 20+ of them so it's quite funny to watch. I will miss these silly little birds with their fascinator hats when we move.
There are usually 20+ of them so it's quite funny to watch. I will miss these silly little birds with their fascinator hats when we move.
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Autoimmune/Inflammatory/Oncological/Neurological Conditions / Psoriasis - Seriously?
« on: September 22, 2019, 05:13:33 PM »
I went to the doctor the other day because I developed some kind of skin condition. She took a biopsy but said she suspects it's psoriasis. Just waiting for the results to confirm that's what it is but in the meantime I (of course) read up on it and it's thought to be related to an immune system problem. One of the main causes is ...... stress. 
For many who live with the chronic skin condition psoriasis, stress can trigger psoriasis symptoms. Stress is thought to trigger inflammation in the body. And psoriasis, itself, is an inflammatory response. Fortunately, studies show that controlling stress can improve psoriasis symptoms. Managing your stress is an important part of managing your psoriasis. From the Mayo Clinic web site.
Yet another physical issue that relates to having CPTSD.
Anyway, just wondered if anyone else has immune issues?
For many who live with the chronic skin condition psoriasis, stress can trigger psoriasis symptoms. Stress is thought to trigger inflammation in the body. And psoriasis, itself, is an inflammatory response. Fortunately, studies show that controlling stress can improve psoriasis symptoms. Managing your stress is an important part of managing your psoriasis. From the Mayo Clinic web site.
Yet another physical issue that relates to having CPTSD.
Anyway, just wondered if anyone else has immune issues?
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Eating Issues / James Corden on Fat Shaming
« on: September 16, 2019, 06:38:33 PM »
James Corden on fat shaming - Corden responds to Bill Maher's truly awful segment about bringing back fat shaming.
Well done James C, well done!
Well done James C, well done!
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What is Complex PTSD? / Survivors and Transcenders
« on: September 14, 2019, 12:52:43 AM »
By Andrew Vachss - http://vachss.com/transcender.html
I believe that many people who were abused as children do themselves—and the entire struggle—a disservice when they refer to themselves as "survivors." A long time ago, I found myself in the middle of a war zone. I was not killed. Hence, I "survived." That was happenstance ... just plain luck, not due to any greatness of character or heroism on my part. But what about those raised in a POW camp called "childhood?" Some of those children not only lived through it, not only refused to imitate the oppressor (evil is a decision, not a destiny), but actually maintained sufficient empathy to care about the protection of other children once they themselves became adults and were "out of danger."
To me, such people are our greatest heroes. They represent the hope of our species, living proof that there is nothing bio–genetic about child abuse. I call them transcenders, because "surviving" (i.e., not dying from) child abuse is not the significant thing. It is when chance becomes choice that people distinguish themselves. Two little children are abused. Neither dies. One grows up and becomes a child abuser. The other becomes a child protector. One "passes it on." One "breaks the cycle." Should we call them both by the same name? Not in my book.
I believe that many people who were abused as children do themselves—and the entire struggle—a disservice when they refer to themselves as "survivors." A long time ago, I found myself in the middle of a war zone. I was not killed. Hence, I "survived." That was happenstance ... just plain luck, not due to any greatness of character or heroism on my part. But what about those raised in a POW camp called "childhood?" Some of those children not only lived through it, not only refused to imitate the oppressor (evil is a decision, not a destiny), but actually maintained sufficient empathy to care about the protection of other children once they themselves became adults and were "out of danger."
To me, such people are our greatest heroes. They represent the hope of our species, living proof that there is nothing bio–genetic about child abuse. I call them transcenders, because "surviving" (i.e., not dying from) child abuse is not the significant thing. It is when chance becomes choice that people distinguish themselves. Two little children are abused. Neither dies. One grows up and becomes a child abuser. The other becomes a child protector. One "passes it on." One "breaks the cycle." Should we call them both by the same name? Not in my book.
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Announcements / New Blog Article
« on: September 14, 2019, 12:01:36 AM »
Tk you to Blue Palm for allowing us to use her post about feeling entitled to breathe for our current blog article!
https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers
https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers