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Topics - JohnnyBoy

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Family of Origin (FOO) / Totally hurt and stuuned
« on: December 20, 2015, 08:46:15 AM »
The other night, my mother and sisters, went out with our cousin, my mother, and I'm assuming my sisters decided to go into rake johnnyboy over the coals mode, behind my back of course [I was at work (can't have me disputing their diatribe)]. I have no idea what all was said to him, but he decides that he needs to come here and set me straight, told me that before I came back here they had a perfect little family going, that my returning destroyed their family dynamic, that I was only a guest they invited, and should act accordingly, proceed to inform me as to when I should bathe, tending to my laundry, kitchen cleaning, etc. He then made me sign an contract that I basically "follow the rules" or be asked to leave. Oh and he lectured me on how to express my anger. So I walked out, he followed told me I was acting like a spoiled child that felt like everybody owed me everything. I told him that if he thought that, then just like everybody else he could shove it up his * cause he obviously doesn't know me at all. Anyway, I'm just sick of the back stabbing, and everything. My cousin asked me what I was thinking. What I was think was this....I want what was taken from me, my security when my sister threw resentment and hatred at me, when my mother threw god, punishment and *-fire at me over every little thing (like liking girls), my innocence when my father attempted suicide, my fearlessness everytime the household fell apart into a family fight. Finally I want them to realize that it hurt me too when it came out that they were abused. I was affected too. I want them to realize that my feelings matter too. I didn't ask to be born and "destroy their perceived idea of family".

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Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / I need advice
« on: December 20, 2015, 07:39:43 AM »
I'm sure most of you know my situation by now. I have three beautiful children by a woman who seems to think the relationship is a light switch, turn it on when she wants something, turn it off when she wants to go play. That's her way of soothing her conscience I believe, she convinces herself that " Hey I didn't cheat, we were broke up" which in theory may be true. Anyway, she is back into her, I wanna be together with you mode, this time however I'm having a lot of trouble shifting back into that gear. II do care about the woman, I do wish I could help her with her "issues" I also know from experience with her family that she is pretty much alone except for me (her family is the most extremely selfish bunch I've ever met) Finally, I also know her dad unfairly dropped all responsibility of her into my lap. Basically stating that I had no right, nor should I expect to be happy, and that I had no choice but to take her back. *sighs, now my dilemma, there is someone else. I can honestly say I wasn't particularly looking for someone else, but we found each other. Been talking and stuff for about a month. Am I wrong for letting that happen? Should I "go with it?" Would really appreciate some advice, I'm so mixed up right now.

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Parenting (Children, Teens & Adult Children) / Im crushed
« on: November 17, 2015, 05:30:03 AM »
Went back to court the other day, now mind you, I paid all court cost and everything. Got all the way down there, I wasn't even put on the court documents, and the court gave her full custody and full rights back, my rights are still stripped. She had promised me when I sent the money, the papers were to be filed as joint custody and both of us getting our rights back. Afterwards however she claimed they wouldn't let her do that.

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Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / The Long Road continues
« on: September 23, 2015, 04:10:22 PM »
ok new thread lol

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The Cafe / New Story
« on: September 13, 2015, 09:15:44 PM »
I'm kind of a closet writer. I don't know I'm descent I guess, I've written or at least started over 20 short stories and poems, lost the manuscripts to most. I've since started on a new story, thought I might share some of it here see what you all think.

    Untitled


Earth 2030
A desolate wasteland, what happened is of no consequence, mans inhumanity to man, thirst for power, need to be numero uno? They all played a role in the destruction. The earth has now been separated into colonies, some a living paradise, some *. Surrounding these colonies are vast forests, or sweeping deserts know by "The Leaders" as "No Mans Land". In these areas there are some leaderless bands who, left to there own devises have somehow survived, you will meet one such child.

This story begins in a small colony ruled with an iron fist by a maniac, a dictator, whose only joy is the pain and suffering of his fellow colonists. Among the colonist is a particular boy, rather small for his age, red hair so bright you would swear his head is aflame, and emerald eyes so bright they would chase the darkness from any room. It is here he will find his destiny.

"Christopher Collin, earth to Christopher! I'm am not out the window! Face Front this instant!" The small boy jumps, startled out of his revery, he mumbles a quiet 'sorry ma'am" while the classroom erupts in muted giggles and catcalls. "What were you looking at this time Chris? Another vulture, we see so many them these days they are getting to be a bore dontcha think?" Chris shrugs, " No Dory, not a bird, the trees all those trees..." 'Well what's so special about a damn tree?" she asked. But he can't answered because the teacher, Ms Perkins, An ugly old hag probably older then earth itself, without a fun or imaginative bone in her body, shooshed them to silence. Thankfully just as she was about to proceed with the importance of the algebraic equation the bell rang, mercifully releasing the children from that particular ly painful bondage, but sadly one that was much more painful and utterly more vast...life. Life filled with rationing, daily executions in the colony square, where no one was safe from The Leader's wrath. "Now tell me Chris, what's so special about a damn tree?" Dory, who is only an inch or two taller then Chris, but in her mind light years smarter, prodded him, "Nothing special per say, just imagining what is BEYOND the trees." Dory's reply states the feelings of all in the colony, "Who the * cares whats beyond those damn trees Chris, we have everything we need hear, daddy says so and The Leader is very compassionate and takes care of us very well." Chris sighs" and beheads anyone who speaks against him" "Speaking of The Leader we better go home, there's his troops now, curfew will be soon I imagine"

The walk home for Chris is not particularly fun, because he in fact has no home, he has been in "The Colonial Home For Wayward and Orphaned Children" since his parents died when he was four. "Hey Christopher!, cum ova here buddy, gotta show you sumpin!" A smile jumps instantly to Chris's small face, because he knows exactly who that voice belongs to, his most favorite person in the entire colony, Jordan Roosevelt "Jordy" for short. Not the brightest light by any standard, but the best damn mechanic in within a 100 mile radius. He may need to be reminded of his name periodically but he can dismantled and rebuild a Chevy big block faster then you can say Roosevelt. Jordy, out of breath and running like a hog with limp, jet black hair buzzed skin tight, sweat and dirty motor oil staining every inch of his stubby body, finally catches up to Chris and embraces him, "Ya gotta see this Chris! HAHA, She's beautiful!" Taking Chris by the hand and very nearly dragging him across the street he leads him into the garage where Chris is astounded to see one of The Leader's prize autos sitting in the bay. Now due to gas rationing and The Great Oil Shortage of '20 the only gas combustion vehicle supposedly allowed were military and limited at that, But the rumors were that various Leaders kept personal vehicles, and here was proof a 2014 Chevrolet Corvette. "Whats wrong with it Jordy?" Chris asked "Nuttin a'tall buddy just needs an oil and filter check up." Now you keep yer yap shut bout this, he aint spose to have this, just liken erverbody else" Chris just shrugged "I aint gonna say anything Jordy, but she sure is a beaut" Suddenly there's a huge commotion out in the square, they both turn to look as The Leader's troops drag a older man through the street toward a pole so very familiar to everybody in the colony. "I know who dat is, dat be Doyle Halperin, now what in * could hea done to serve what he be gonna get?" What Doyle had done was use his newspaper press to send out diversionist message to other rebels, and was caught, the penalty for which was very stiff. 60 lashes plus as much time in jail as The leader saw fit. Doyle said not a single world as they led him to his fate, his daughter, Dory, said it all for him. Noah Ransom my daddys known you since you was shittin diapers how the * you get to be a leader any damn way?..you suck at it! Noah, whom every colonist refered to as The Leader, just smirked "Cause I got here first little lady, and I guess with Seniority it don't matter a damn how good you are". "String him up, Im gonna enjoy this" The "judge", if that's a proper term for him stood next to Doyle and recited from a small piece of paper "Doyle Halperin, you have been found guilty of treasonous activity, detrimental to the safety and well being of this colony and its Leader. You are hereby sentenced to 60..' "No judge" interrupts Noah "Make it 80, I wanna hear this one squeal haahaa!" The judge continues, "Doyle Halperin, you are sentenced to 80 lashes, and 10 yrs in solitary confinement" Dory breaks free from her mother, "You'll kill him with 80 lashes" "Noah..Leader I'm sorry for what I said, please show my daddy leniency!" Noah only smirks " I highly doubt ma'am" "Proceed". The first strike sounds like a gunshot, Doyle groans as the welp starts to grown on his back from blade to pelvis, the second breaks skin and blood flows, by the 70th he has no skin left and is unconscious, but still they continue, when they finally finish his back nothing but mush, torn muscle and bone fragments, they carry him on his stomach to his awaiting cell.

Chris holds a nearly hysterical Dory, and walks her back to her house and her equally hysterical mother. Thankfully everyone in the colony has seen this before and brace themselves to help the stricken family. An hour later Chris makes it back to the children's home where Headmaster Doriff awaits him at the door, a bald man, about 50, neither overfriendly or overly mean, tall with a scowl that would make you think he hates everything, but in fact he is fair and you can tell you does in fact love the children who are his charges. "Where have you been Master Collins? That in the square was of no consequence to you, that was adult business, come along, your supper is getting cold." The Children's home is by no means a five star hotel, but its amenities are very comfortable, two children per room, warm meals three times a day, a nursery for the baby, and most importantly, hot showers. Its not painted in the usual institutional grey, but actually very brightly colored walls, white ceilings, plain but heavy and warm plaid quilts on the beds. Altogether a nice place for a child who needs a place to stay, but still not home. "Master Collins, a word please, in my office, but do finish your meal first" So after the last bite of his supper is swallow and his soda is drained, his head hung low, Chris marches to Doriff's office. He knocks, "Come in Come in" he hears through the closed door. The door is heavy oak and the hinges need an oiling and groan when pushes, but he enter's. "I've heard you've been daydreaming again Master Collin's, do tell what you dream about" "You wouldn't understand sir" shrugs Chris, "Try me" smiles Doriff " I was a lad once" "Freedom" Chris looks hard into Doriff's eyes until he must look away, "Ahem, well, That's something we wouldn't want getting back to The Leader now would we?" "Noah Ransom?, that spineless wonder? Sir I'm only 10 yrs old and I even know he can't wipe his own *!" Doriff gasps, " I'll pretend you didn't say that either" "Oh but I did sir, I absolutely did!" Doriff grabs him by the arms, "Dear boy! You will do well to remember the wonderful things The Leader has done for us! This home, your FOOD," "Taking away my parents!" Chris interrupts and turns to leave. "No so fast Christopher, not so fast, you my son are smarter then most, you absorb, the others? eh, they just go about their day to day, agree to whats fed to them and sleep like babies at night, but you, yes but you, you worry me dear boy, I see trouble in your future, great trouble im afraid if you don't mind yourself, no more of this daydreaming, right? Mind your studies, your dismissed. As Chris walks to his dorm he thinks about what the headmaster said, and about trees, or more importantly what was beyond those trees. Freedom, no more worrys about being whipped or beheaded because you thought the wrong thing, felt the wrong thing. Upon walking thru the door he encounters his very lovable but very dull roommate Sully, that is Sullivan Maines Rathbone. He has been here so long the rumors the place was built for him. "Yo Chris! Whats doins?" Chris shrugs "Nuthin much Sul how bout you? good day at school, ya actually learn somthin for once? Sully laughs riotously "Yeah right brother! never gonna happen, haha ya see my skulls too think, the * they cop?" he shakes his head and shrugs sadly "it just bounces right off." As for you my fine feathered friend, your da brains of de outfit as I've been told, uh, you ain't plannin to break out of this joint are you?" Chris gives him a hard as stone glare, "Yes" he speaks this so matter of factly that sully can only stare and gulp like a goldfish out of water, "Dude, I was only joshin, where the * you gonna go? When is this goin down?" Chris turns from him and shuts the door, "Tonight".

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Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / The long road
« on: September 08, 2015, 05:55:25 PM »
Well, 9 yrs ago I met what I thought was the woman of my dreams, things were were tough, financially, emotionally. She told me she had some "emotional" and "attachment" issues, but I never dreamed just how sick she was. She is pure evil. I abused um I think in just about every way you can think of except sexually. I finally got out. I have three beautiful children ( I have assumed their mine given the ungodly amount of allusions to affairs and outright admittance to two) I love these 3 children unconditionally, they are my babies. I had to go to court last Thursday because she gave them up to her dad and stepdad ( she is supposed to be seeking mental help and AA, she is doing neither), I agreed simply because I do not have a home of my own at the moment (due to so many things that she did and admittedly my complacency toward her, in the split I had little more then the clothes on my back.) I go back this Thursday to finally after 8 yrs, put my name on my sons birth certificate and give that child my name (if she doesn't back out). Wish me luck in going forward with my life, I'm trying to move on but its still so hard and painful to be here heartbroken, and she like "eh whatever" and already on her 4th boyfriend since June,. 

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Introductory Post / I started here a few months ago but got derailed
« on: August 20, 2015, 07:32:29 AM »
I came here about 6 months ago, but due to my stupidly getting reinvolved with my uPD exgf I haven't been able to post on here or on OOTF, I had mention that my trials with my ex would not be over until I got my children out of the situation. Well that may very well come to fruition in about 2 weeks. My ex completely snapped over the summer, and I do not mean that to be making fun of her, something happened sometime in july and she has come completely unwound. My youngest child was with her when the "event" took place thanking sleeping in her own room, the two older ones were here with me. Anyway, she is now institutionalized and her father and stepmother have custody of the children until such time as I can get my affairs in order and take custody of them. I go to court Sept 3rd, I should hopefully be starting my new job next week, and be in my new apartment the first of the month. Sorry rain never got to that website you mentioned, I intend to check it out. And sorry it took so long to get back here. hope to talk more, I need all the support right now I can get.

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Introductory Post / An Intro
« on: January 02, 2015, 05:37:11 AM »
Not 100% sure I have CPTSD but believe I very well might. I just ended an 8 yr abusive relationship with a PD and come from a very dysfunctional family. I have so many triggers I feel like a gun collection. But mainly I'm just always so anxious and nervous and scared, and don't truly know the reason. I lose my temper very easily these days...over stupid *....but my biggest thing...and this is something that scares me....somebody trys to grab me or push me or whatever....I flashback and Im no longer here and you (whoever pushed or grabbed) are no longer you...your her (or her sis). I will goes balzout, frantic to keep from being hurt again. I'm hoping this forum helps as much as OOTF has. Thanks for your patience I'm anxious to hear from you guys.

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