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Does anyone "project" as in the pyschological term or aware they do it?

It started in my teenage years with a guy i had a minor altercation with at school and i developed a deep  irrational fear of him.

Fast forward about twenty years and i i get introduced to a friend of a friend and i had the same reaction. Instant fear and dislike of him. Nothing he said or did, i just got really really anxious around him , thought he really disliked me.

He looked like the guy from school.

Ive had it with other people too, but on a much lesser scale.

I understand this maybe  a form of "projection" in so far as i am projecting bad parts of my own pysche into them that i cant recognise in myself, like rage and hate??

So when i see them,  i am seeing/experiencing a mirror of myself. An angry person being reflected back, is basically me but i cant dont want to see it repressed it, as i dont want to recognise this in myself

Anyone else?

I suppose weve all seen versions of it , casual abuse by parents of their children. But it got me thinking about C-PTSD in childhood.

I was sitting on a bus, with what looked like 3 generations sitting beside me, mother grandmother and son about 2/3 years of age.

The boy seemed to be trying to get the mothers attention as she chatted away to grandmother. There was a hesitancy and nervousness in his voice like he didnt want to upset his mother. She didnt respond.

Suddenly i heard the mother say as part of her conversation, looking now at the boy quite loudly "Well done Daniel , yeah you ruined it again". I thought how many times has he heard that or an equivalent. The mother projecting onto her child, shaming him. I suppose it was an EF for me, i felt so angry for the kid.

The look on his poor face.  He sort of froze. I was shocked i even muttered something like "Dont talk to him like that" and the Grandmother turned to look at me, but didnt say anything.

Then the mother got up to get off at the stop and it was clear the boy didnt want to get off. The Grandmother stayed on. The mother had to really pull at him to get him off the bus. Then the tears started he was reaching out for the Grandmother and as the bus pulled away he was crying his heart out looking back at her through the window, reaching out to her.. The mother was really jerking at him.

I said to her " He really loves his Grandmother" i wanted to say shame about the mother.

ive posted this again (i had put it another thread). Its very good

https://lonerwolf.com/narcissistic-mother-father/

I believe I developed "the fight" type narcissistic defense to my childhood C-PTSD as per Peter Walkers 4fs.

I would love to hear from anybody suffering similarly, but i fear this is unlikely.

I am seeing a T , but i am struggling to recover. I keep reading that Narcs cant be cured. I think my T  maybe a narc (but i would, wouldnt i). I read that this can be worse, as it is triggering my narc defense when he trys to take me on my grandiose self. He advertises as treating C-PTSD and NPD, but im not convinced??

On a just simple basic interacting level with a fellow human being, i have to start dominating the conversation or i interrupt incessantly, or i switch off and stop listening , I hate why i do this. Afterwards im full of guilt. I cant stop it , its like a compulsion.

Fight types are unconsciously driven by the belief that power and control can create safety, assuage abandonment and secure love. Children who are spoiled and given insufficient limits (a uniquely painful type of abandonment) and children who are allowed to imitate the bullying of a narcissistic parent may develop a fixated fight response to being triggered. These types learn to respond to their feelings of abandonment with anger and subsequently use contempt, a toxic amalgam of narcissistic rage and disgust, to intimidate and shame others into mirroring them and into acting as extensions of themselves. The entitled fight type commonly uses others as an audience for his incessant monologizing, and may treat a "captured" freeze or fawn type as a slave or prisoner in a dominance-submission relationship. Especially devolved fight types may become sociopathic, ranging along a continuum that stretches between corrupt politician and vicious criminal.

http://narcissismschild.com/2015/03/16/the-consequences-of-enmeshment/

Saw this and thought it could be helpful. Could definitely relate.

 i have just read this book and found it really resonated with me. Its really well written with case examples and describes the various  types of MEM  (mother enmeshed men)

Its about how men who are still enmeshed emotionally with basically their PD mothers and how this affects their relationships, work etc.

It deals with narcissistic parenting, both mother and father.

Ive been seeing my T for a few months, but now and again i feel like hes not the one for me. Like now.

Last week he said "Im in control" which i pulled him up on, but in a jokey kind of way.

I felt uncomfortable afterwards as i felt like it meant "and youll do as your told"

I mentioned about my sister making contact with me and he thinks its something i should pursue, as my fathers ill in hospital. I hadnt really spoken to her for a few years. She put a kiss at the end of text. But when i started chatting to her i felt her controlling/bullying side come out again . I had mentioned to the T that i wouldnt have Xmas with her, as i feel like its treading on eggshells and he said then dont go. Now hes saying maybe go and try to deal with her differently and realise she has problems/issues.

I asked to go to Xmas with her and she says ok , but she doesnt want any lectures from me, laying down conditions.

I dont know what to do.

Im seeing the T tomorrow and i dont know. Is he understanding of my plight or is he trying to help. Other stuff hes mentioned has been good and i enjoy going but every now and again, i think is this guy right for me? Or am i being too sensitive??

I dont know if this site has been mentioned on here before, but i think its very helpful for those in a relationship with or  at receiving end of narcisstic abuse parental/sibling/work colleague/friend? or otherwise.

Might also help those who are unaware of their narcisstic traits.

C-PTSD is instrumental in causing narcissism according to Peter Walker The fight defense  type.

http://samvak.tripod.com/

Hi,

I know i have to make my own mind up, but would appreciate some feedback. I know this is difficult as i cant really paint the whole picture objectively as i am affected by my inner and outer critic and i presume massive EFs

I have been off work for a year. The work is stressful and ive been doing it for 12 years. I cant say i enjoy it , but its well paid, with a car and return to work at home after carrying out my inspections. The thing is it is essentially a production line job and everything has to be processed each day, then new work the  next day and so on. I disassociate all the time when im processing the work at home , as i find it so boring and repetitive and it means i work even  longer hours.

The only satisfaction in it is , that i have freedom, as in not tied to an office, or a horrible boss.

So im off with stress , as they started disciplinary action against me and i just couldnt cope with it. I split up with my gf at the same time

They want me to return on a phased return, working less hours slowly building up. But i feel so depressed and stressed.  I feel really ashamed about being off for so long and the reactions of others. I feel shame about not being able to do the job anymore. I know my inner critic.

My T  says my inner child is telling me it doesnt want me to go back and thats the reason ive been so stressed all the time ive been off .

Im fearful and guilty of giving up such a well paid job and i dont really know what to do if i left. I feel id just vegetate and freeze out.

So is it my shame stopping me returning or deep down i dont want to do it anymore. I cant make my mind up.

Its driving me crazy and they are arranging my work for next week as they think im returning. But i can barely get up at the moment

Feel free to comment!!

Hi, i know this subject comes up a lot.

I have just started seeing a T . Tonight will be about my 6th session, but im beginning to have my doubts.

I realised i have suffered C-PTSD all my life after reading about on this site and read Pete Walkers book. I think am fight/faun type, as in strong narc traits.

Anyway last week i was talking to him about my last relationship and i said i think she was uBPD waif and i ended it for both our sakes, but now lonely and isolated. He says its better to be in relationship than not and why did i end it, as i know so much about BPD! i could make it work in a codependant way. He says "she wasnt good enough for you, was she" and im like yes, i feel terrible about braking up with her, didnt want to hurt her, it was really tough for me,, and hes making me feel worse?

I came out totally confused as to whether i had made the right decision, like retrauma.  I had to think long about it and think  i had made the right decision to end it. I thought how could he make such a suggestion.

It was a session after i read Peter Walkers book and i said i wanted him (T) to make me cry, grieve you know. He says "dont worry i will," but i didnt . It sounded arrogant, id have preferred if he said it might happen.

Then other things hes said , got me thinking hes a fellow narc? of sorts. When i cant speak , he likes to chat about himself if i ask him.
We got sidelined into talking about "Family Guy!!" and how he thinks i should watch it. I said i have but didnt like it, but he said you should give another go and im getting side tracked talking about other comedies with him , as my narc side comes out and im looking at the clock thinking , we are wasting my time here.

Theres are other things like contradictory advice with my Dad (speak to him , dont speak) and work.

He told me why dont i just stop working, the week before he was helping me with an email to get back to work?

On the second appointment i was a bit late and  i apologised profusely , but i thought he was a bit tough on me, about leaving enough time. I  dont know, maybe its the narc who cant handle criticism.

I dont know but i think im losing faith in him. I had great hopes. Black and white thinking . Idolisation initially and all that. Im all over the place .

Welcome replys

After reading about CPTSD and its symptoms, i could really relate. I realised i have suffered hypervigilance since my late teens. I am now 51.

I read it was something to do with narcissism, but the hypervigilance seems nearer to the mark or are they related ?

My T thinks ive done it all my life, i dont know.

I just became aware of it when i was being bullied at school and home . The constant need to check whether someones looking at you or not, in the classroom, in the street, in the office, all the bloody time.

I think i had a ubpd mother and ive read that their children can develop a fear of attack and hypervigilance seems to be a defense mechanism?

If i went anywhere regularly i would have to develop a paranoia about someone, i convinced myself they didnt like me

My T said i should try and resist the urge, but it makes me feel anxious.

Does anyone else suffer this?

Hi,i was directed here from OOTF.

I believe i have quite  a few issues from being raised in a PD family. Mother uBPD Father uNarc. I have narc/borderline/schizoid issues too, or are they fleas. I think PTSD would be normal for someone raised in such a family.

I am 51 year old male and in therapy again. Just liked to say hi and good luck to everyone.

Will look forward to reading the threads and posts and maybe post myself ( of course i will , the narc in me demands it , LOL).

Hope a problem shared and all that.......

Thanks once again