I'm not even sure if I have anyone in my life with a personality disorder. What I have had and still have for sure are alcoholics in my life. I can relate to cPTSD but haven't been officially diagnosed. I was told I had PTSD about 15 years ago though so I probably could have cPTSD.
Today I was supposed to have my first phone T session in a year and my therapist didn't call. I waited 8 days for the appointment and it was a huge disappointment so I figured this would be a good time to start journaling.
I primarily wanted to talk to my T about my job and feeling too disabled to continue doing my current job. I work (part-time atm) in emergency/ critical care in the medical field and I feel like it is a very bad fit for someone with my mental health issues. I often have nightmares about my work and that has been happening for a long time. I've applied to other jobs but no one wants to take a chance on hiring me for significantly lower pay and I suppose the concern is that I wouldn't stay. It's been hard being continually rejected. I feel too out of sorts currently to even contemplate applying for more jobs or even figuring out what type of work I would want to do.
I was hoping T could point me in the right direction for applying for disability until I can get myself together enough to take on the stress of figuring out a career change. I haven't worked full time in three years and it's taking a financial toll plus I'm not getting any better because I'm still doing the same work and not addressing my other issues. It's like a viscous cycle but I don't feel like I can completely quit right now without losing everything. I have gotten my eating disorder in remission so that's one positive thing I've accomplished in the last three years.
There are other issues too but right now the job seems the most pressing thing I need to deal with first to open up space for working on me. I might try the free counseling offered through my job since my T didn't call for our appointment today. It stinks because I trusted her and she let me down but I have to be a grown up and figure out how I can get the counseling I need.
To be continued...
Today I was supposed to have my first phone T session in a year and my therapist didn't call. I waited 8 days for the appointment and it was a huge disappointment so I figured this would be a good time to start journaling.
I primarily wanted to talk to my T about my job and feeling too disabled to continue doing my current job. I work (part-time atm) in emergency/ critical care in the medical field and I feel like it is a very bad fit for someone with my mental health issues. I often have nightmares about my work and that has been happening for a long time. I've applied to other jobs but no one wants to take a chance on hiring me for significantly lower pay and I suppose the concern is that I wouldn't stay. It's been hard being continually rejected. I feel too out of sorts currently to even contemplate applying for more jobs or even figuring out what type of work I would want to do.
I was hoping T could point me in the right direction for applying for disability until I can get myself together enough to take on the stress of figuring out a career change. I haven't worked full time in three years and it's taking a financial toll plus I'm not getting any better because I'm still doing the same work and not addressing my other issues. It's like a viscous cycle but I don't feel like I can completely quit right now without losing everything. I have gotten my eating disorder in remission so that's one positive thing I've accomplished in the last three years.
There are other issues too but right now the job seems the most pressing thing I need to deal with first to open up space for working on me. I might try the free counseling offered through my job since my T didn't call for our appointment today. It stinks because I trusted her and she let me down but I have to be a grown up and figure out how I can get the counseling I need.
To be continued...