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i don't know if this goes here i'm in ef right now so i'm to just sum up the texts i sent my t and friend


feeling really triggered, thought this job would be good but it seemed different and more than what i thought. the manager questioned my capability to manage this new work and illustrating and i felt so incoherent and scrambling and incompetent even though i keep being told i'm good enough for this role by my friend who's trying to recruit me for it and other friends. his questions reminded me of my dad doubting my potential as an artist and doubting my potential success.

i feel like it would be bad both ways, if i get the job i will immediately prove i'm not good enough and faking my confidence, and if i don't it'll prove that i was never good enough and i should have just stayed in these part time guest service roles.

my t just texted we could meet tonight so i'm going to do that but i feel so * embarrassed and it's not that i know i shouldn't, I just feel the shame from trying to prove that I can do more new or challenging things even though that still scares me

A handful of days before christmas I called mom to update her on a medical situation I was dealing with. Felt distant and just neutral with her, but then we started getting into old trauma again and "when are we going to see you again? we don't want this to carry over into the new year." Lately my temper and patience with her has been very difficult to deal with leading to this call, and I repeatedly have found that they still do not understand why I moved. And that all of their "reflection and talking" they've done together seems to center around how they felt hurt by me moving out without telling them.

Days later after therapy session, dad calls (despite my boundary of "Don't call unless it's an emergency") and the conversation turns south pretty quickly. Picking at me again about why I cut my hair (the last official last straw for me before moving out), why I hold grudges despite his empty apology. I told him he wouldn't even take responsibility for what he's done and said to me like (tw ableism, self harm) when he called me a psycho for crying horribly and pulling at my hair when I was sent home by a counselor who thought I was cutting my wrists. I was not and never had been, but was definitely dealing with huge stress) and he responded "responsibility for what?!" and I lost it. Can't remember much else about the call except that I hung up on him.

The attempts to reach some sort of understanding and potentially build a relationship with my family of origin is tiring me out. I've set boundaries about bringing up the past, knowing that I shouldn't have to recount the worst in order to have worth and for them to understand and recognize my pain. But mom has broken that numerous times, and I've only spoken to dad twice in the last 3 years on the phone, both times in the last 5 months.

I don't think it's worth it anymore. Little One (IC) really wants some connection, and I'm trying to build that for myself, but she still bears the pain of neglect and wanting to feel loved by her parents. 17 (IC, teen) very much feels the anger, and I feel tired from both perspectives. I don't know if I will ever not cry over feeling unloved by my family of origin. And I don't know when I will fully feel loved by my found family I wish they would just leave me alone, but I have decided to take a break from the very minimal low contacting them. Therapist suggested inviting mom to a session, but that was right before the call with dad. We'll see. 

Kind of just going with the flow. I've been thinking about the forum for a few weeks now.

My relationship with foo seems to be near impossible to manage, and the frustrations are turning my quick tiny blips of anger into longer ones. Anger has never been for me, even with work I get angry for 2 seconds and think about how maybe there's something wrong with me or something I'm not doing.

The last call I had with my parents has drawn some anger out that has been untapped for over a decade. More than the anger I felt when I moved away. I don't feel bad for the words I used, I don't feel the shame I felt when I left them. I feel the sadness of not being fully acknowledged by my parents and brother, the sorrow of them shoving my hurt aside to make room for their pain.

i told my therapist I wished my dad wasn't around, because maybe it'd be easier to reform some relationship with mom. even now I don't know if that's true. all they want to do is tell me how they hurt, and i simply don't care. im sure in some way that is how my dad feels, but i also don't care. i've done a lot to get them to see me, so we can potentially move forward. but i won't move forward while being ignored, while the children i was in the past go ignored and receive empty apologies.

dad said i was being hateful for wanting him to feel the pain and sorrow i felt. i don't care.
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i'm seeing my therapist half as much now until i can find work, so maybe posting here in the meantime will help. i painted something sad yesterday while on the phone with a best friend. there's something about having a found family as someone who struggles with complex trauma, where despite the unconditional love there is still some detachment. particularly when you're essentially adopted into another already established family of origin. i wish i was able to tell my friends about this, the feeling like an outsider sometimes. but my own disconnection from my foo growing up probably predetermined my relationship with future found families.

during our sessions i remind myself that i'm the dad now, and that i have a responsibility to care for them in the ways my parents failed. i don't believe my dad and i will genuinely have any sort of relationship that doesn't make me wary of his sincerity. i'm just not interested in trusting he can change and willingly take responsibility for his treatment of me without trying to justify or minimize the damage.

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going into the new year didn't feel like anything. i've spent the last seven days playing video games and job searching and feeling pretty low about myself. even the painting commissions aren't helping much.

i can sense myself returning to what i perceive are obligations by others, but i know they're my own expectations. i was doing very well just showing up, coming and being as I am for the past handful of months. it was such a relief to not have to feel like i need to be this or that to be worthy and valid. 17, my teenage inner child, just yelling "who the BLEEP cares?! why are you bothered why do you care?" and understanding she's right, and i love the feeling of telling her she's right. it's one less thing for me to worry about, and Little One (one of the younger inner children) can go about playing freely and we don't have to try to perform for anyone. just remembering the feeling makes me want to keep working at it.
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inner child work has been immensely helpful in therapy, and being able to clearly, concretely visualize each child has been so great! little one with her four braids and the dress from kindergarten, 17 and her buzzed hair, piercings and spiked bracelets and her scowl. there is siren, who i used to picture as a tiny flame child i could hold in my hand, now presents themself as a smaller child whose face is made of signal waves. i'm sure there are others. but knowing them and seeing them and feeding them makes healing feel true.

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i want to work on tapping into a fight response, and be more assertive. i was never taught the words for when someone wrongs me, or when someone says something they shouldn't. so I hope I can channel some of 17's frustrations and learn to speak up more.

Hi folks! I used to post here frequently 4 years ago but took some time to live and record my life in my physical diary, but I wanted to come back and say I'm in an even better place now!

I was living with best friends for 3 years and it was amazing and scary and tiring and comforting! I think the pandemic made me realize how much I wanted my own space and last January I decided to not move with them to Louisiana despite feeling like I was obligated to after vaguely agreeing within the first few months of moving in with them. It was the second time I made such a big decision for myself knowing I would disappoint the people I cared about.

BUT I've successfully (and exhaustedly) saved months of rent and am living in a two bedroom studio type place and I have it all to myself! I've learned since summer how to make my own decisions and trust the decisions I've made for myself and it's been a wildly beautiful experience!

I've also been in therapy for almost TWO YEARS now! One more month! It's been so healing and my efforts focus on inner child healing and work.

I came back today after reading some of the successes and continued efforts you're all making and it's beautiful and hope that everyone continues to work towards being freer and more fully whole!

New chapter of life, new chapter for the journal!

Some boundaries/rules/notes/???:

• Please don't comment (for now!) or advise if I didn't prompt.
  I never had an issue because I appreciate advice, but I think my taking all advice without considering my own needs or preferences, etc, is a bit hindering. Also trying to move away from my journals feeling like an entertainment space to a self-reflective, self-growth space for my benefit, first and foremost.
• Moving away from day recounting. rather do that in my physical journals.
  
• I want to focus on trauma responses in this journal.
  Processing my reactions and working to develop new skills like Fight. I think a big part of leaving FOO is learning to focus on what's going on right now, and recognizing that I don't live with them anymore, and that triggers and EFs are just that, triggers and emotional flashbacks. And that they don't signify true present danger.

I had more things but I remembered how overwhelmed I get when I over-plan so those things are good for now.

how things are going in the last two months since moving out:
Progressively getting better. I quickly got a job I nearly adore except the being on my feet all day. It gives me such a nice sense of purpose and fulfillment!

In the beginning I felt very shy around MG and Pansy. I felt so uncomfortable and intruding-guest-like and it was difficult to come out of that but I have. MG really helped me feel more comfortable about taking ownership of the space. I kept remembering him telling me how I'd have access to all the books when I moved in and that's helped so much!

Exploring the city has been GREAT! I spent so much time by myself that I feel so much more comfortable with it. M and F would be devastated to know I walk around by myself before and after work but it's a part of life! It gives me such an amazing feeling of independence!

Speaking of independence, I realize how much I like alone time. Doing my own thing. That helps with claiming part of my space in the apartment. I don't need to be attached to my friends at the hip. We don't always have to eat at the same time. Don't have to be hanging out at the same time, be in the same space at the same time. That took me a little to realize and appreciate in this transition from best friends who hang out every weekend to best friends who coexist and have separate schedules. And with knowing the city (and transport), that separation helps a lot in independence. I take the bus and come home or leave when I want for work. No permissions needed.


Trauma Responses:

- The new independence has helped with abandonment issues. Self-reliance rules!
- Rejection feelings still present, feeling unheard sometimes. My job has helped me immensely with voice projection, though, so that's hopeful! Getting better at speaking up.

- Memory has been worse than ever it feels? My schedule is no longer stable so it's hard to remember my hours and I've forgotten on two occasions where it impacted my friends so I have to work on that. No need to be so confident in knowing my schedule! It's OK to check it to make sure.

- Been texting M updates every week. It's sometimes tough, I sometimes feel a very strong feeling that I'm hurting her. But I know I'm not. That feeling is something my brain has created in response to the constant guilt tripping. So it's OK, understandable. Overall, it's been OK. Perhaps another entry on my deeper feelings on that.

- Experiencing a strong transition from Fawn/Freeze to Fawn/Flight. Gonna read on that later, but it's been problematic. Just Saturday I fully realized the exhaustion I'd been feeling for the whole month of September since I started working. Been having a lot of physical issues, particularly in my muscles that I need to get checked hopefully next month. Think more about how this isn't the "running away" my parents call it, but removing myself from a bad setting and into one where growth is possible. But growth doesn't mean constant work with no rest.


I'll stop here. Really looking forward to this fresh start and where it'll take me!

I DID IT I DID IT!!!

I can't believe I made it!! it took so much out of me but I left my FOO's house saturday morning and I'm here in my new home! I will talk more in the Moving Out board when I feel more comfortable and settled in. It was an extremely tough day for me but I want others to know that this absolutely is possible and other than myself there's so many of us out there as living proof! this forum has done so much for me over the last near 2 years and I absolutely owe it to you all for the strength I had to push through this. 
:worship:thank you thank you thank you!!!

seems i'm expecting a lot from myself after a lot of realizations i've been making in the last week after coming to terms with some things. so i'm gonna take a break for a little while. i think posting here officially will keep me in check lol

take care yall! 

i would really appreciate some feedback on this.

i feel a lot of shame to write this. i dont know if i'm coming to terms but i am seeing that i am a huge liar. i'm starting to feel like a narc because i feel so disconnected from "existing" that i have remembered being on autopilot and lying to friends. about small things like having to be somewhere else when i dont feel up to hanging out with them after blowing them off previously (whether or not i was able to spend time with them).

as a kid i lied about feeling sick because i'd forget to give them the permission slip for a field trip so I end up being unable to go.

i have lied when it's close to birthdays or holidays and i haven't yet painted presents for anyone because i procrastinated.

just yesterday i lied to one of my best friends that i had a bunch of doc appointment today and couldn't hang out for her birthday, just because she'd sent a bunch of texts that she was back in town and wanting to see me today. and then again today told her i was at an appointment that should be done a few hours from now, too late for her to want to hang out. it's postponed to tomorrow (so no excuse).

i didn't mean to ramble there.. but i don't know. i read this post somewhere about people who compulsively lie and that "it's pathetic" and liars can't be trusted. i know they were talking about someone who is the cause of many people's CPTSD, but it felt directed to me included in that. it felt like it hit right on the nose.

i hate... feeling this detachment because i feel like i don't think about how it affects the other person, my friends. my only thoughts are "i hope they don't hate me" or "they probably hate me now" and i feel like that is so manipulative even though I don't bring it up to them.

i feel awful to say this on this forum. i know sometimes we lie to protect ourselves but i just feel really disgusting for lying about the littlest things, that i am just like those awful people who have no remorse because they can't feel it or because they don't care. i don't want to be like that

I wonder if others have had some issues with consistency. growing up i didn't really have much of a routine or things planned for me other than going to school and maybe vacation every summer or so till middle school.

But now I'm thinking of how to even do this for myself. I've never been good at planning and sticking to it. I don't know if it's The Trauma or what.. I just have a hard time CARING enough to stick with a plan! It feels awful, because maybe that's what little me needs to have? like for self-parenting, if that makes sense, and my inability to do this.

I feel like my own parents who just did things as they came from what I could tell. I wasn't the club type of kid outside the high school paper, so there was never anything for them to schedule so I haven't really been able to manifest it myself for my own self-care routine.

I feel silly because it sounds like I'm asking for help on how to care I'm sure a T could help but I still just don't have the access to one.

saturday i got to see my friends since december and as a present, they gave me my set of keys to the apartment! I couldn't really respond well other than thanking them and i'm not sure if it's really hit me yet. But i have keys to my new home (as an incentive to move in)! these are the first keys i've ever owned.
my very first set of keys...... oh boy. another step has been made towards a thriving adulthood.

(just thought i'd share! my friends are incredible and i deserve them... and these keys )

"Emotional distress is a signal that it's getting harder to remain emotionally unconscious."
- Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents

In 2014 I dropped out of college. In the fall, it seemed like I had depression because I felt everything just fell apart and that I was alone. And I was. Even with my brother home with me. I remember spending the entire last half of the year lying in bed and not doing much. Eventually my brother got angry with me, saying I wasn't doing enough to be there for him.

Two years ago was probably the biggest breakdown I'd ever have because of the stress I carried in my role as the Caterer and Entertainer of my FOO. I remember feeling like it came out of nowhere, being told I was acting like F, suddenly going into a tantrum and knocking over a shelf in my room, in tears.

And again, last year and this year, more breakdowns. Unsure why I was feeling so tired of it all.


I can't truly determine all the steps I should be taking in terms of recovering from trauma, but without access to therapy, I'm moving forward to learning how to be more active in my self-care. Been reading Adult Children for the last couple weeks and I feel like it's a great starter book. It's not specific to abuse survivors but it's so handy right now. "Emotionally immature" is the gist of my parents, with the added abuse and neglect of course. There's something really rewarding about feeling "smart" about the people who've hurt me.

I really wanted to start a new journal after my first year on the forum. I've grown, I know that. I can see that and so can my friends. There's still many things to work on that I think will really get me moved out confidently without relying on F (getting kicked out or getting into a situation where I feel forced to leave, as if this isn't that situation...).

Every day I feel more beautiful emotionally and much closer to moving. I keep getting glimpses in my heart's mind that make me feel incredible. Like a weight is lifted for half of a split second. The longer the better.

But every day I also see my FOO stay the same. I hadn't been speaking to my brother, but he's drifted back to me. I'm sure I've left an opening. It isn't that I don't want to be there for him. It's that I have to focus on myself. And he told me that, but he's forgotten.

And M has forgotten all of the days I spent my lunch break crying in her office about the pain I've been feeling since childhood. She acts the same. I don't think she remembers either.

F and I are supposed to have a talk soon, but I'm not looking forward to it. It's so we can "be on the same page," which means I need to be on his page. NO THANKS! It's as if HE wasn't giving me a 2-week cold shoulder! (albeit, I was in an emotional flashback). As if he stayed stoic and emotionless in my face while I was upset and miserable. Like I'd been when I was 17. And 14. And the many years before.

That's something I've been remembering. He showed me no emotions but anger. No sympathy or understanding. Never. I can't conjure up skills him that I was never taught.

So we'll see how this "conversation" LECTURE goes! I'll try my best to stand in my truth and collect evidence of his 24-year consistent neglect. I've avoided being in flashback the last time he was cruel to me and I'll do it again.

Hiya everyone! I wanted to reflect on my life after joining this forum just a year ago (give a couple days). I think it's an important part of recovery to reflect on how far we've come, not only counting surviving the trauma we were forced to face, but also the steps we ourselves have taken to understand, care for, and love ourselves better.

I came here as a last resort. Things were crumbling around me and i realized it was too difficult to continue by myself and I'm glad to have come here. I've learned a lot, from others and their writings. I've been encouraged when I genuinely felt like I didn't deserve any kindness. The support has been just amazing.. I don't really have words for it.

I know I had a lot of ups and downs. I think because of this site and outside research, I learned how to point out when I was coping unhealthily or reacting to situations while unaware I was in an EF. Having a journal to record all that was and still is really important for that.

I think my favorite and most helpful thing I learned about was inner children. It took me some time, but I started thinking of Little Tea with the help you guys, ways I could bring her out and in a way it became almost natural to me to move to comfort her when I was feeling small, and remember that I'm bigger now and that despite still living at home, I am capable of much more than I was when I was 8 (Little Tea's age). Thinking of myself as the parent to my childself has been incredible. And even on days where I forget her or am overwhelmed in an EF, I look back and think "That wasn't kind to her" or "Next time I could take better care of her" or remind myself that I can care for her much much better than my parents. Just look at my signature. That's something I'm striving to live by every day.

I want  to end this off just to say that I feel like a year marks the end of part one (for me). I have one last issue that I recently remembered I want to analyze before I move towards a more heavy-handed recovery. I've appreciated being able to spend this last year just feeling. Feeling a lot. I felt SO so much that it was extremely overwhelming most of the time and I felt unstable. But in the end I always had and will always have to remind myself that it's ok to feel all that. There's nothing wrong with feeling all these "negative" emotions, contrary to what my parents taught me. That's how I work to re-parent myself. Doing better than them. And it feels good when I'm able to remember that.

So I wanted to say thanks! Thanks for existing, in all of your own ways. Thanks for working hard to do things for you. Thanks to folks who read my terribly terribly long journals entries. Thank you for just... being here. I'm glad folks have come here to work on themselves and work through the pain and aftermaths. I'm just really glad this place exists and I'm glad I can look back to myself a year ago and really see how far I've come. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but deep in my heart it's there.

hey yall. i recently came back from a hiatus trying to work on moving out and it ended badly within a week and just yesterday and today I realize some irony.

when you're raised by emotionally abusive and neglectful/abandoning parents (who are also old fashioned but that's not always necessary), it's hard to grow up independent. mine have really instilled an abandonment fear that didn't translate into me being self sufficient and it's really frustrating realizing that while i've already made it clear to myself that i need to move out.

i don't really know what to do about it.. i'm almost 25 in 2 months and it's hard to create "independence habits" when this house and everyone here works hard to prevent that. they've proven to me that i can't go to them for support... but they've also raised me in a way that i can only rely on them. i don't know how to get in the mindset that i just don't need them or WANT to need them anymore when i'm only working part time, savings mostly go to financial contribution. i do hang with friends once a week but that's for a handful of hours and anything more (staying over, staying later than 10/11pm) is grounds for concern and they just say "No, we're concerned for your safety," (which is valid and understandable) but leave it at that with no room for my improvement towards independence.

TRIGGER WARNING: i try not to be explicit here, but there's obvious mention of sex

i've been gone for a while and only an hour ago felt i had to log in and write this. i was having an active daydream just then about being in therapy and i seemed to be unpacking events from when i was a senior in high school.

i had a boyfriend at the time that i became close to too quickly after less than a month of facebook chatting and at some point i went over to his house with him and kind of quickly things got sexual. i'm really struggling to call it "abuse" and even "assault" because we were both 17 and because neither lead to "actual sex," but rather orally and almost "the other way" if that makes sense.

neither of the two times i really felt like i wanted to do those things. the first i went along with for reasons i'll label as "internalized homophobia" for now and don't want to go further to talk about that in this post.  the second we stopped because it'd seemed like it might be too painful.

but both times i felt really humiliated. looking back i know after spending almost a year on this site, that it's rooted in previous childhood trauma where i felt a compulsion to be "of service" to someone i thought i liked (though looking back i know i didn't feel any real genuine romantic compassion towards him other than wanting to please/make him happy despite my own wants/needs). back then i never wanted to and even still now i don't know if it counts as anything at all. even though while in this unpacking daydream i broke into tears and cried for so long and felt the same teenage grossness and shame and humiliation i'd felt back then.

this isn't something i've ever told anyone other than my friend Peach and have never made any moves to really unpack this and analyze and process it the way i did with the rest of my trauma. i don't know where to start but again i also don't really know if it's worth it or if it even counts as sexual trauma or abuse. there's other aspects of our short relationship that make me feel it is but i'll save it for my journal if i ever work up the energy to start processing that. i feel like i've been pretty good at keeping away any self-invalidation in regards to the emotional neglect and abuse i dealt with from childhood and throughout my teens and even now, but this one thing. i just can't seem to do the same even though the thoughts/memories cause me distress and discomfort and give me bouts of sex repulsion that go on and off. any help or insight or anything really would be appreciated

today I decided I won't be moving. i talked to my brother (who is 30) yesterday trying my hardest not to drasticize it and think about the best case scenario, but it blew up in my face. he yelled and was so angry with me and exasperated and despite me saying nothing's going to change if someone doesn't make any change, none of it mattered. he vented and screamed about how the consequences would effect him so negatively since our F is a narcissist and emotionally abusive and overall controlling and hotheaded.

even in the end he said he didn't care if i told F. he's tired of stress always falling onto him because of his disability and lack of access to just getting away like i can. at one point he'd said "if I can get a job by the end of the year, would you rather move out then than now?" but i didn't answer that.

i guess if i didnt believe it before, i now know he truly doesn't care about me. because at least i have the outlet to see friends and he doesnt. but now all of my work just doesn't matter. i dont even want to see my friends who were offering me a space to move out I'm so ashamed of myself.

this morning i asked my boss if it was too late to take back that I wouldn't be working the fall semester and but she said it wasn't so at least i still have a job.

none of the things i said in my journal or other places ive tried to build some sense of self worth just is gone. it doesn't even matter honestly, especially considering i wanted to move out with only $300 to my name which isnt practical at all

right now i'm in a transitional phase and really working on putting my energy towards moving within the next month. not having too much time to sit and write about things, which is OK, but just wanted to let folks know. not a success yet.  dont know what to expect during this phase but we'll see.

just a board suggestion under the treatment/recovery section. perhaps a "Moving Out" board? i know it definitely falls under the "success/progress" category, but it could be beneficial to have it's own place, with one main topic on tips for staying focused on moving out or resources for moving out of an abusive home.

it's very personal for me i suppose considering i'm in an urgent situation, but i think i would have found it helpful months ago. having a spot where we are able to get and give encouragement and remembering our self worth. the pros and cons.

even just having it mostly be folks' Moving Out Stories would be really inspiring to have in one place. i thought also about a smaller "move out journal" whether you're in the process of trying to moving out or have moved out and working on staying moved out, but that could be a bit redundant as there's already recovery journals.

just a thought though

In the last few weeks I've been airing out my frustrations with my M regarding how everyone treats me at home (but currently and throughout childhood) as well as wanting to move out into my friends' place. I've dropped my Star Child+Always Happy/Funny role and haven't been speaking to her much outside of that. But yesterday she told me "it seems like i've lost a connection with my daughter." when we left work i could swear i saw her face looking really pained.

I don't want to make this too long, but I love her dearly and personally, the theme of hurt/sad M's really gets to me not from guilt but more so being the M to my bro, and kind of relating to that pain of losing a child even though i'm not a parent.

I can't figure what it is I want from her. I'm beyond tired of going back to the routine of smiles when deep down i've been incredibly hurt. I don't think my connection with her is broken or lost, just that i need her to be a better M to bro so I feel less guilty about moving out and taking care of myself.

And I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if there should be something I should be doing regarding her. Like.. she's asked me what does she need to do to make things right, and helping to change F is out the question as he's a narc. So I guess my question is, if you still (or do) lived at home, and your enabler parent asked what they could do to help you feel better while you still had to be at home, what would you ask of them?

this may be the case for us all or most of us, but I find as a fawn-freeze type that Pete Walker has referred to as "classic domestic violence," I've found it incredibly difficult to stay mad. I'm still living at home, but I've recently just decided i'm going to move out before the year ends and hopefully return to school in the spring.

but my issue is that i keep losing momentum. often times when i'm not on good terms with my FOO, i'm remembering the childhood trauma and how it's affected me today. but after we "get back on good terms" AKA not silent-treatmenting me or each other and trying to be joking with each other, I lose my sadness and anger. I feel content. "at least they aren't yelling at me or my brother, so why do I need to move out?" this cycle has been going on since december 2015 when i first got the offer to move in with friends.

does anyone have any tips on trying to stay focused on that? i've thought about rereading my list of bad things that's happened to me as reasons to move out, but I feel that could be retraumatizing/reliving trauma in a way. any advice or tools would be incredibly helpful!

I'm feeling a bit cheery today, and I feel it's partly thanks to this interactive self care guide (mild warning for a curse word, but only on in the title of the guide). I don't take meds or have access to therapy or anything, so really it's a struggle finding something that works.

Anyway, I find this guide to be pretty helpful as a person who has a lot of struggle with re-parenting, particularly due to very traumatic emotional neglect. It's really hard to take care of yourself when you never got the skills to do so, and I find that every day since using the guide, I am remembering bits of the steps. Very simple things like drinking water or going to bed at a good time, taking medication (I just use that step to take vitamins), eating, tidying your space, etc.

You can use it every morning when you wake up, and it helps remind you of some physical needs first off, to make sure that those my be the things you need to do to feel a little better. Then it moves on to more mental things, such as if you've been triggered, feel dissociated, foggy, etc.

I also found this post to be helpful to me last night when I was feeling really down.

One of the things I learned in outpatient was that when you're having a [bad] time or your trauma is triggered or you're anxious is to give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the chest, and tell yourself "I love you, I'm sorry." This shows compassion to yourself, and the affectionate physical contact with yourself releases the same chemical process as if it were someone else doing your actions.

Give yourselves love, guys. You deserve it.

As a neglected person it can also be hard to give yourself self-compassion, to really truly feel like you're worth giving compassion to. But you really are! It's hard to accept compassion (at least personally for me), but just doing the step helped me get into a better mood, combined with the guide. I'll probably move to the successes thread or to my journal to update on this, but I do feel better, and also even more I feel like I've added some tools to my previously empty self care toolbox! I hope it helps anyone who struggles with this sorta stuff too!