Right now I feel like that character in the Sopranos tv show, the one that uttered, "Just when you think you got out, they pull you back in..." (sorry, I can't remember the whole of the character's speech, so am paraphrasing it).
Today I got an email from my late uncle's older stepdaughter, going on about how she and her husband have spent many happy times hiking, snowshoeing and hunting on my late father's land. The two stepdaughters inherited my uncle's land when he died almost a year after my father. Both stepdaughters, along with their families, have been using my late father's land without asking me if it was okay.
(Backstory: My father was abusive emotionally, physically, financially, and sexually to me, and also to my mother. I disclosed my father's abuse to my mother at age 19 after one incident; there was another, worse incident six months later and I told my mother about that one too. She believed me without question. Unfortunately, after the second incident she then contacted the remaining members of my father's NFOO -- his brother and brother's wife and my father's half-sister. They accused me of making it up because my father refused to fill out and sign financial disclosure papers for my college. In the years since, my uncle, his wife, and my half-aunt have all died, along with my father, and the only ones left with any connection to my father's FOO are my uncle's two stepdaughters. Neither stepdaughter had any contact with my father since their marriages in the early 1970s except for Christmas cards and annual renting of his land during hunting season. The younger stepdaughter decided to start being "friendlier" to my father when he became terminally ill, and because my father was a malignant narcissist, was all too happy to lie to him regarding my hours of work, availability to run my father's errands on command, etc., in effect taking advantage of the strained relationship he and I had following many years of abuse. He signed over his retirement fund to her eight months before his death, keeping it a secret from me (I didn't know about the retirement fund's existence until after he'd passed away), but the laws in my country state the estate is liable for taxes paid on disbursement of a retirement fund after the owner's death. It effectively disinherited me as everything my father owned will go for the taxes on the money the younger stepdaughter received.)
I am really upset that my email address was given out by someone I'd recently contracted to harvest the timber on my late father's land, and upset that this older stepdaughter would have the effrontery to email me saying that they've been using the land and still want to use it. The timber man has been given exclusive access by me, not only to harvest the timber, but also to hunt on the land during the three hunting seasons between now and the end of 2016. I'm sure he's not aware of the backstory here and the older stepdaughter likely represented herself as part of my family in order to get my email address.
Every time I've had to have contact with any member of my father's NFOO, it's been like this: they might have had an arrangement with my father to use his land, but they have treated me like dirt since my mother disclosed the abuse many years ago, and have consistently discounted anything I had to say regarding my father. Nor have they ever asked me my own side of the story. They have never asked my permission to use the land, just gone ahead and used it whenever they wanted, making money off the landscape paintings they sell, having fun with their winter activities there. They also own an adjacent plot of land which they inherited from my late uncle, and IMO that should be enough for them considering everything else.
The problem with these continuing attempts at contact by the stepdaughters is that I get triggered into nightmares and emotional flashbacks. I expect that the older stepdaughter will be giving my email address to her sister, the one who has caused so much pain in my life when my father was in his final months, and that the younger stepdaughter's attorney will continue to demand money from me as happened last winter. They're not satisfied with what my father gave them but seem to want to take everything I have, which isn't much. Both stepdaughters have plenty of family support, good jobs, nice homes and businesses, yet they seem to think I, a disabled woman without any family, husband, kids, good job, etc., should just lie down and take it while they strip me of everything else.
I haven't answered the older stepdaughter's email yet, mostly because their continuing entitlement attitude upsets and baffles me and makes me want to tell her exactly what my father did to me, in detail. I know that's JADEing but I need to do something to get these people to leave me alone. My doctor has me on benzodiazepines, a small dosage, because of the stress... but that's not a good long-term solution to the nightmares. Help please?
Today I got an email from my late uncle's older stepdaughter, going on about how she and her husband have spent many happy times hiking, snowshoeing and hunting on my late father's land. The two stepdaughters inherited my uncle's land when he died almost a year after my father. Both stepdaughters, along with their families, have been using my late father's land without asking me if it was okay.
(Backstory: My father was abusive emotionally, physically, financially, and sexually to me, and also to my mother. I disclosed my father's abuse to my mother at age 19 after one incident; there was another, worse incident six months later and I told my mother about that one too. She believed me without question. Unfortunately, after the second incident she then contacted the remaining members of my father's NFOO -- his brother and brother's wife and my father's half-sister. They accused me of making it up because my father refused to fill out and sign financial disclosure papers for my college. In the years since, my uncle, his wife, and my half-aunt have all died, along with my father, and the only ones left with any connection to my father's FOO are my uncle's two stepdaughters. Neither stepdaughter had any contact with my father since their marriages in the early 1970s except for Christmas cards and annual renting of his land during hunting season. The younger stepdaughter decided to start being "friendlier" to my father when he became terminally ill, and because my father was a malignant narcissist, was all too happy to lie to him regarding my hours of work, availability to run my father's errands on command, etc., in effect taking advantage of the strained relationship he and I had following many years of abuse. He signed over his retirement fund to her eight months before his death, keeping it a secret from me (I didn't know about the retirement fund's existence until after he'd passed away), but the laws in my country state the estate is liable for taxes paid on disbursement of a retirement fund after the owner's death. It effectively disinherited me as everything my father owned will go for the taxes on the money the younger stepdaughter received.)
I am really upset that my email address was given out by someone I'd recently contracted to harvest the timber on my late father's land, and upset that this older stepdaughter would have the effrontery to email me saying that they've been using the land and still want to use it. The timber man has been given exclusive access by me, not only to harvest the timber, but also to hunt on the land during the three hunting seasons between now and the end of 2016. I'm sure he's not aware of the backstory here and the older stepdaughter likely represented herself as part of my family in order to get my email address.
Every time I've had to have contact with any member of my father's NFOO, it's been like this: they might have had an arrangement with my father to use his land, but they have treated me like dirt since my mother disclosed the abuse many years ago, and have consistently discounted anything I had to say regarding my father. Nor have they ever asked me my own side of the story. They have never asked my permission to use the land, just gone ahead and used it whenever they wanted, making money off the landscape paintings they sell, having fun with their winter activities there. They also own an adjacent plot of land which they inherited from my late uncle, and IMO that should be enough for them considering everything else.
The problem with these continuing attempts at contact by the stepdaughters is that I get triggered into nightmares and emotional flashbacks. I expect that the older stepdaughter will be giving my email address to her sister, the one who has caused so much pain in my life when my father was in his final months, and that the younger stepdaughter's attorney will continue to demand money from me as happened last winter. They're not satisfied with what my father gave them but seem to want to take everything I have, which isn't much. Both stepdaughters have plenty of family support, good jobs, nice homes and businesses, yet they seem to think I, a disabled woman without any family, husband, kids, good job, etc., should just lie down and take it while they strip me of everything else.
I haven't answered the older stepdaughter's email yet, mostly because their continuing entitlement attitude upsets and baffles me and makes me want to tell her exactly what my father did to me, in detail. I know that's JADEing but I need to do something to get these people to leave me alone. My doctor has me on benzodiazepines, a small dosage, because of the stress... but that's not a good long-term solution to the nightmares. Help please?