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It is a year since we parted and I see all that was wrong. I'm doing okay. I'm. Independent and working. I can say my.partners name or that I'm getting divorced without crumbling.  I can see some happiness in my future. I've come far. But..

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I miss arms around me at night, I miss intimacy,  comfort and sharing. I want to be part of a relationship but I still love my.partner and am not through the healing process enough to date.

I'm empty much of the time. When friends are with their partners in front of me I feel this huge hole in my heart. I avoid anything with sentiment on the TV or radio. 

My heart is shutting down my feelings because I'm so small and hurting inside.

Anyssuggestions?

The personI love, who I committed to and worked hard for, has decided the don't wantme. This has triggered low self esteem and feelingI'm not good enough. I've a full life and great friendsbut feel unattractiveand undesirable. What do I do?

Im home alone (always home alone as separated in a town we just moved to where I dont know anyone) and its close to midnight here. I have been dealing with abandonment stuff following partners latest departure. It is hard, so hard. I had a good weekend with friends but as soon as I boarded the train home received a text to say my Mum is back in hospital. I feel terrified that another person I love is going to leave. I am home alone trying to calm myself and all the smoke alarms have decided to start intermittent beeping. So I am trying to change all the batteries, I havent enough. So I have been sat for about 30 minutes crying. Because I am sick of this. Because it is all so hard, because i invested 10 years of my life in supporting someone who now isnt here for me when I need help.

I just wanted to share because I hate that there is no one.

Situation in a nutshell. Separated from BPD partner who requested a divorce (third time in 2 years) in April. As ever request comes with certainty and then in the weeks / months that follow she isn't sure, still loves me, doesn't know. She is having DBT. We are living apart. We met in October to discuss and it made me ill. I was in tears for around 2 days. She was distant and non committal. This triggered abandonment stuff  and I was left broken. I said I couldn't talk again until I was stronger and we agreed before Christmas. Message from her today checking back in and once again I am a mess.

I am scared to meet in case she says it is over permanently. Because seeing her makes me feel small and needy. Because I dont feel that we should be making life changing decisions just now. Because I know she loves me.

How do I deal with this situation when just the thought of arranging a discussion breaks me? How do I avoid triggers without avoiding the situation?

I could really sue your advice and support x

I'm struggling with some abandonment stuff. I'm separated from my BPD partner. She is having treatment and I'm working on me. We are apart. I have been alone now for 5 months. I am going to need to check back in with her soon to see where she is at but I'm terrified. It triggers something.  I'm scared he will say it's definitely over and I will be alone. Which is stupid because I am alone! But the thought is so terrifying, it induces palpitations,  nausea and panic attacks.

What is going on?

8weeks ago I was anxious, suffering panic attacks and unable to keep food down. I've changed therapy types and she has workedwith me on releasing fear.

It seems to have been successful and I'm functioning better with lower,  manageable anxiety.  However I am suffering greater waves of sadness and feelings of heart break and despair.  Is this a step forward or back?
It was suggested by a friend that my body had been focused on fear as that feeling was a bigger threat and now it is letting the sadness out.

Anyone any thoughts?  Experienceof this?

Thank you x

Hello, I am new to the site. I have been posting on Out of the Fog for some time but felt this might be a more appropriate place to be.

Over the past 2 years my parner who suffers from BPD has behaved in ways that arent acceptable. She has hurt me, she has left me (we are currently seperated). I have sat in therapy and worked through the issues, the boundaries I must set. I have accepted she has a major mental health problem and that she needs treatment.  I know that even if we do get back together it wont be plain sailing. I know that I have low self worth and that I have accepted behviour that isnt loving. I know at the moment she isnt trying and that her focus is on herself. Our petals have fallen and yet our roots are tied.

This separation has made me ill. I am scared. I am sick. I realise how I have given myself over to her over the years and now I am terrifed and lost without her. I cant see a future but I need to, I need thr strength and resolve to move forward and to build a life for myself.

I have had therapy and am trying hypnotherapy. I am starting on anti depressants.

I am in so much pain. I feel small, empty and lifeless. I feel scared. The wound is deep. The triggers are dreadful.

Where do i begin? How do I start to heal myself? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you all x