Topics

Hey everyone,

I am so glad that I found this site. I've been seeing a counselor for around a year and a half now, and I can honestly say my cPTSD would be 10x worse if it wasn't for her. I experienced a lot of emotional abuse growing up from both parents- you could make a case for physical too, but it's not typical.

The thing about it is, is that my cPTSD isn't bad, and my family and I are very good at appearing normal to the rest of the world. Growing up, appearances were drilled in to me, but now that I'm at college I've been a little more liberal in describing my childhood to my friends. It's always hard, because I don't remember a lot of the bad stuff, I just know it happened. Reading now through the symptoms of cPTSD is so great, because so much of parts of me that I didn't understand, I now realize come from what I experienced growing up.

I wish I could talk to my friends about it, but I honestly have no idea how they would react. A lot of times when I talk about my childhood or my parents, they disregard it. I understand I could have had things ten times worse, another benefit of this website is reading other people's stories and appreciating the parts of my childhood I did enjoy. I still wish my friends could understand though that sometimes problems I have, whether it is with guys, or just being present in whatever we are doing, isn't 100% my fault. Any tips anyone?

Thanks so much for any feedback.

I've had a Hunger Games of my own,

You couldn't see it,

or hear it,

But I've fought to hold my own.



My Hunger Games taught me how to survive.

How to battle my mind,

How to see a false ally,

And how to create my own space without starting a war.



The worst part about my Hunger Games though,

Was that it was not strangers whom I was fighting,

But my own family,

My flesh and blood,

That fought to make me a prisoner of War,

But to the world,

a seemingly happy Victor.



I fought and won my freedom,

I revolutionized and escaped my arena.

And now, living in a world where Darwin doesn't rule,

But love, friendship, and compassion do,

I am at a loss.



I have cared, loved, and lost deeply.

I know what it is to feel the pain of a loved one at an overwhelming level,

Understand it is myself causing it,

And know that only my own sacrifice can heal it.

I understand war, loss, and the ways of an emotional battlefield.



I do not understand, or know how to live in peace,

Or to allow love, or compassion, back into my heart.

For me, love and compassion were weapons,

They were a pretty drink, laced with poison and hidden intentions.



So while I know what it is to fight for myself,

for my loved ones,

and for what I believe in,



I am still learning what it is to love and live without loss.



for the hardest lesson for a Hunger Games Victor,

is realizing when the Games have ended