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Topics - witchwomb

#1
A bit of background: I've been with my husband for almost 2 years now. I met my stepson when he was 20 months old, now he's 3.5 years. He and I get along super well and we love each other a ton, but sometimes being a parent really triggers some mean and nasty aspects of myself that I wasn't anticipating.

My stepson's mother and father are super attentive to his needs and emotions, and in true toddler fashion, he used to treat them pretty poorly. This would make me nearly sick seeing it....it's almost like something deep inside of me started bubbling. Why should he get such great parents? It felt like he didn't deserve them. I felt like I couldn't hold up to the expectation of being a good parent because I had never HAD good parents.

I went to therapy for a bit and it helped, but sometimes it hits me hard. I can hardly handle any crying he does. I can't handle him being noisy. Growing up I had to stop my siblings from crying and being noisy, in fear of my parents, but I'm scared that I'M the bad parent now.

I don't know what to do, really. Some days are great and others are *. We have him every other week, but it feels like I'll never get out of that tunnel. I'm so tired from it  :fallingbricks:
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hi!
November 08, 2016, 04:35:03 PM
I'm happy to have found a place where I can start to recover from the lifelong abuse and neglect I suffered at the hands of my family. I'll probably end up convincing my husband to join as well, since he also struggles with the diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD by my therapist. Because of the nature of the issues I was exposed to, I'm now a 20 year old woman with the health issues of a 50 year old woman. Whether directly or indirectly, I'm infertile, have joint hypermobility and circulation issues that cause great pain, severe back pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, and extreme phobias that hinder my quality of life (for example, I can't drive a car).

I'm hoping, one day, I might be able to drive a car or maybe roll out of bed without limping ;) we'll see!