Topics

I had the wrong diagnosis prior to C-PTSD and have been taking a mood-stabiliser for several years. Every time I change the dose of Lamotrogine, up or down, I experience a week or two of intense agitation, hopelessness and dissociation.

It took 2 month to get on the drug. 2 months later on to double the dose. Looks like 2 months to get off it, a fraction of a dose every couple of weeks.

BUT... I'm looking forward to the end result. It never helped very much. There's the offer of traditional anti-depressants next, but I want just to stop and feel. Keep feeling the intensity of whatever it is I feel. I'm going back to counselling. This could be a meaningful time...

I've needed financial help often and for a long time, I don't cope well with regular work. I'm applying again at the moment.

Filling out the claim forms for state support triggers all kinds of fears. It is like being judged. There's a sense of being seen as a scrounger, or guilty before even being judged. It is a reminder of being helpless and dependent on a stern, uncaring entity.

The forms want rigid, yes/no answers. If, say, I had no hands, it would be easy to demonstrate that I needed help. C-PTSD doesn't easily fit into the tick-box lists that qualify a person for financial aid. So... I feel like I'm turning somersaults, performing, squeezing myself into boxes, fawning... it breaks down my self-esteem.

Do you get, or have you ever had, welfare support? What sort of angle did your claim take? Did it set off any triggers?

[not]

Thinking about my kind, generous mother, who home-schooled me and my brother, and how her genuine interest in our well-being might have affected me. I was never smacked, and on the face of it, great 'respect' was given to me.

I've been reading Pete Walker today, and I'm pretty sure my mother has traits of fawn/fight about her (nurturing so strong it controls or smothers).

I feel bad, as in pathetic and guilty for it, that I might have a form of C-PTSD that was not driven by beatings or constant put downs.

Perhaps my sense of self (this is what I am trying to grasp) was overwritten, not crushed. Subtle stuff. My anger was not allowed. I was supposed to be reasonable, grown up, clever. To have empathy. My mother approved of those things, expected them and praised me for it. I remember being enthralled, and I remember how good it felt when I succeeded in appearing to be more adult than I really was. I remember performing. Needing her 'respect'.

Does this make sense? I'm still trying to work things out, so if anyone reading this knows about non-aggressive (even well-meaning?) types of abuse, I'd like to discuss it.

I made myself a list of events and situations that I think contributed to my condition. It's quite long.

First is childhood asthma. Do you think this is likely to be a factor for CPTSD? I suffered a great deal, it would strike out of nowhere, and chest infections were also common and much worse due to my asthma.

I know interpersonal causes are strongest, but my illness was a constant worry for my mother, who was completely unable to assist me effectively. I learnt helplessness and not having anywhere to turn. I withdrew so as not to experience her fear (in some ways, she gave my illness greater significance than I did). She also had a strong mistrust of doctors, which I think I picked up on. Asthma became part of my identity, and I recall feeling 'weak' and 'different' to other children because of it.

Mainly asthma seemed inevitable, horrible, made me a problem to others and I felt helpless.

Hello everyone, I'm just lurking around and having a read. I'll probably join in properly in a while.

I used to have a bipolar type II diagnosis but it never felt right. I discussed this with new psychiatrist this week and received a C-PTSD diagnosis. It makes good sense. Over the past three years, through counselling, I have admitted to myself many of the painful events I didn't want to acknowledge before.

I'll look forward to getting to know people soon.

Merry Christmas!