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Topics - Blueberry

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Eating Issues / Step forward
« on: November 30, 2019, 09:56:28 PM »
Over the past week I've been coming up with one resolution which I've just implemented.

I've asked somebody to stop bringing me leftover things from the bakery where she works. They weren't all unhealthy items but there were just too many, too frequently, even after I asked her to cut back and gave her a definite number of items per day and sweet items overall. She couldn't cut back because she can't stand things going to waste. Well, that's her issue. Me eating too much doesn't actually reduce global food waste. 

I've had problems with this type of thing before, basically not being able to say 'No' partially of course because I do like eating. I'm saying 'No' to a person who 'means well' and saying 'No' to food, free at that. Three issues rolled into one. It's also in the main food which is already all prepared and with my exhaustion at preparing food (some sort of EF-y stuff in itself), it was a pretty good deal, but just for a while. (So actually 4 issues). Try out and observe. Try out other behaviour and observe.

Just a few days ago I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed to even have allowed this acquaintance to bring me food :doh: :doh:  and now I'm writing about it - making it public - and have taken a move to change the situation. :thumbup: I haven't even done any EFT on it, I'm accepting myself pretty much without that aid :thumbup: :applause:

Announcements / Moderating break
« on: November 30, 2019, 08:57:58 PM »
I've decided to take a break from moderating and see what that does for me. So, just want to let everybody know.

General Discussion / Gaslighting
« on: November 29, 2019, 10:30:27 PM »
I caught my one garden neighbour attempting to gaslight me today. I suggested to her today that she might have noticed that that huge pile of branches and sticks and stuff has been waaaaay reduced? And that I spent 3 afternoons on it in Nov. and 8 trips with the cargo bike. Which was in the end too much for me. So next year, could she please participate in some of that type of work too?? Seeing as she has a car and most of the stuff was her garden refuse to begin with?

"But you said you wanted to keep that to repurpose it!" I did not. I asked her if she wanted to keep it for some reason to which she said she didn't but she wouldn't cart it away either. Today I merely repeated the italicised bit to her. Then I wondered something similar to something I've wondered about FOO before too, something like "how can this intelligent person get it so mixed up?" (She is a doctor after all, it does involve some amount of brain power getting to that point.)

But now I remember: narcs come in all sorts of professions. Claiming cluelessness is one of their trademarks. Anyway a few minutes ago I checked out Gaslighting over at OOTF. In one of the scenarios: a person "tries to persuade you that you said or did something that you know is inaccurate". She didn't really try and persuade me but she stated it as bald fact. It's not the first time. I'm thinking of B1 as I write. Claiming cluelessness (or forgetfulness) is trademark in my FOO too. They're all intellectually intelligent in FOO. They're gaslighters.

On OOTF also: "A gaslighting perpetrator's fabrications may be presented so convincingly and with such conviction you begin to question yourself and your own memories and judgment." Fits. Except this time I didn't question myself for long. I thought of my defense instead. If that's what she thought, why was she dumping all sorts of other stuff on top of the pile all summer and into fall?? Not logical. But now as opposed to in my childhood and in plenty of other dealings with FOO since, I'm not going to confront her with that. It's useless. Much more useful to look at ways to act healthily for myself around a narc. My neighbour's mother is one too. No wonder I was soo soo triggered in the summer during one interaction with her.

Also from OOTF: "What NOT to do:

    Donít equate intelligence with character - just because someone can run rings around you in an argument doesnít mean they are right.
    Donít waste your time trying to convince someone who has already made up their mind about you that they should reconsider.
    Donít argue with a person who is fabricating the facts. Wait for them to return to reality before engaging them in a discussion and do it on YOUR terms - not theirs. "

I didn't argue with her. :thumbup: In FOO I was taught to argue and keep going. To not let go. Like in point 1: FOO believes that the one who wins the argument is right. I kept trying to win arguments in FOO, it was the only way to try and survive. But I've stepped back. It's a waste of time and it's a total waste of time with my garden neighbour or her mother too.

Checking Out / Sick break
« on: November 25, 2019, 04:55:52 PM »
Taking a little break, at least from Modding, because I'm sick.

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Meditation with cptsd
« on: November 11, 2019, 02:49:11 PM »
Not wanting to hijack Bach's Journal, I'm going to add some ways I manage to meditate or do similar here. My methods may not work for everybody with cptsd but they may help some.

- eyes open
- standing
- give myself permission to snap out of the meditation as soon as something mildly unpleasant or frightening turns up
- give myself permission to do so even if I am in a group and you're told to stay still because moving even silently disturbs the mediation atmosphere and throws other people off (my sensitivity here takes precedent over theirs)

You don't have to kneel for 30 minutes motionless concentrating on your breathing. There are more active types of meditation, e.g.:
walking slowly, concentrating on your steps
colouring in, especially mandalas works well for me from outer ring to inner 
repetitive singing
even some banal jobs e.g. weeding work for me, so long as I don't set any goals or try to do it methodically

Although I've never tried it myself, probably even hugging a tree would work, if it's your thing.

Any more tried and tested methods (tried and tested by you) or good links, add them to the thread :yes: :)

Yup, I don't even know what this is.

A friend is going to help me with written formulation of something important. I just need it by the end of the month but earlier would be better. Well, she's just emailed me that she's going to help me on the 25th. Cognitively-speaking, time enough, but I'm worried. So I thought, maybe I could write it after all on my own.

I can't even explain or describe what then happened in my brain. Things went haywire is about the best I can say. Then SH impulses. But I'm more interested in what happened before the SH impulses? I don't even feel particularly bad or triggered rn because I realise due to my reaction that I simply cannot write this response on my own. I suppose things feeling as if they are about to go haywire works as a warning to me to not try on my own so once I've realised that then I no longer have to feel it? It's not just haywire though, it's also like a dead-weight in my gut. And problems breathing - forgetting to do so and/or just shallow breathing.

I suppose it's an EF. I'm surprised at the intensity. otoh it shows me yet again how triggering writing is to me when I have to try and prove something, explain something, apply for help, for an exception to be made.

I'm not actually expecting an answer on what this thing is. For one thing, it's so difficult to describe, how would anyone else know? Also I suppose that how I'm reacting to it is the most important thing now.

General Discussion / MOVED: Personality Disorder of victim
« on: October 08, 2019, 08:36:21 AM »
This topic has been moved to General Discussion.
Diagnosis is more about symptoms than causes.

This topic has been moved to General Discussion.
because it's about a diagnosis.

United Kingdom / N. Ireland
« on: September 17, 2019, 08:28:12 PM »
For young people and their families:

To provide a therapeutic service to individuals (up to 18 years) and families suffering psychological trauma including ďTroubles related traumaĒ and other types of severe Trauma. Open referral policy including self referral.

Family Trauma Centre
Belfast Health and Social CareTrust
1 Wellington Park
Belfast, BT9 6DJ
Tel: 028 9020 4700
Fax:028 9022 4729

Checking Out / Away till Friday, maybe not posting
« on: September 11, 2019, 12:59:49 PM »
see subject line

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Return to (self)-destructive behaviour
« on: September 01, 2019, 11:35:20 AM »
I think I'm fighting some of the wrong people atm. I don't mean the client I wrote about. But more friends. Yes, there are aspects of some friends/acquaintances that drive me up the wall. And in one particular case, I didn't say anything for far too long. otoh there's this rage in me, pushing people out of the way, criticising others where I am frustrated because of their criticism of xyz but them not doing anything about it. So it becomes a spiral of criticism and of negativity. I push people away. They think I'm perfectionist. I know because I've been through these phases before and have had that as feedback. It's maybe not best to push people away who are well-meaning towards me but have their own failings and problems. I don't think I'm a pleasant person to be around atm irl. It's different on a forum.

And while I'm about it, I sink ever deeper into floundering depths of not taking meds (though I did today), not drinking enough, not showering often enough, not washing my dishes or doing basic cleaning. Not even doing things which are fun, which I had intended to do. Actually "not even" doesn't belong there. It's actually really difficult for me to go and have fun when I'm in this state. NTS: no self-condemnation for not doing fun activities. This too shall pass.

This topic has been moved to Symptoms - Other because it's a questions on a symptom not on OOTS in general.

New Members / MOVED: Hi everyone
« on: August 17, 2019, 06:08:15 PM »

Introductory Post / MOVED: Re: Hi everyone
« on: August 17, 2019, 05:29:09 PM »
This topic has been moved to RE - Re-experiencing the Past (eg Flashbacks, Triggers) because it is about flashbacks and no longer an intro post.

General Discussion / therapy with a Narc
« on: August 12, 2019, 10:38:28 AM »
I ran into a male Narc on the retreat. What I'm really calling him in my head is somewhat different >:D However Narc Woman at the two yoga places, Narc Male this time.

Now I understand what I've read over at OOTF about how a Narc will get even an experienced therapist onto their side or will blind this therapist or literally charm them.

The retreat place is a bit difficult to get to without a car so car-pooling not uncommon. I was collected half-way by Narc Male. In hindsight, I should have said "Let's wait till we actually get there" but I knew from what he said that he was pretty experienced in therapy of this type so figured he'd respect general rules of these places, like avoiding advice. NTS: Experience in therapy doesn't mean safe. At some point the conversation turned to the past and family roles and so on. After he'd taken the floor for a while, I mentioned some of mine and he started doing therapy with me, basically. I did stop the conversation but not as early as I needed to. I did some Justifying before that (JADEing = Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain - another acronym from OOTF) not to mention Defending (myself). Narc Male did a lot more of the Arguing (taking the side of FOO) and Explaining (my own reactions to me as well as family systems).  A bit on the late side for my own safety, I said it was time to end the conversation. 

I came out of the long weekend and indeed through the weekend in a much better state than even the second time with Narc Woman, and miles better than the first time with N.W. I'm doing fairly well, feel quite stable.  :thumbup:

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