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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Horrible evening. Triggered (TW)
« on: December 18, 2017, 04:41:32 AM »
Something triggered me tonight, and within seconds I was buried in feelings of worthlessness and wanting to disappear. I was with friends, and per usual I just shut down. After about an hour I explained to them what was going on with me, which helped a little bit, but now I am home and back in full flashback mode.
I have made great progress this year, thanks largely to EMDR, but I still have emotional flashbacks a couple of times a week. When it's bad it's REALLY bad. I start thinking about how little impact there would be if I were to just vanish. I feel like there is no purpose for my existence. I want to die. I know that if I make it through this episode things will be better, as they always are. It's just so brutal at the moment. There is no escape and I want it to stop.
I have made great progress this year, thanks largely to EMDR, but I still have emotional flashbacks a couple of times a week. When it's bad it's REALLY bad. I start thinking about how little impact there would be if I were to just vanish. I feel like there is no purpose for my existence. I want to die. I know that if I make it through this episode things will be better, as they always are. It's just so brutal at the moment. There is no escape and I want it to stop.