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Topics - globetrotter

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Addiction (Perpetrator) / ACoA Laundry List
« on: December 04, 2014, 04:17:12 AM »
I went to ACoA meetings thirty years ago (eek! - 30??!!) and grew a lot then through that and by working with my Adult Children of Alcoholics counselor.
Today, I was poking around for more materials online.
I'm not a big fan of the 12-step program because I have "higher power" issues, however, there is a considerable amount of material that may still be helpful.
I found this booklet on the Laundry List and was validated by reading it. Some steps, I have left in my wake. Others linger.
There are reflective questions throughout the book as well. Note that it is not only for ACoA, but children of dysfunctional families in general.

Anxiety (eg General, Social, Panic Attacks) / Eye Contact
« on: November 21, 2014, 08:09:31 AM »
I am not sure if this is a Social Anxiety thing or a CPTSD thing but I need work on my eye contact. I am a great listener and will look folks in the eyes when they are talking, but when it's my turn to talk, I look away. I am not sure what this is about. I don't think it's lack of confidence, but it may be something about not wanting to be "seen". My therapist was pushing me because I can't look at her except for fleeting glimpses, unless of course, it's idle chit chat, then no problem. But if we TALK about eye contact, forget it, it's not happening.

Anyone else have this problem? I guess it doesn't present the best warm and fuzzies when I won't look at someone when I talk. I even do this with my S.O., where I will look away and then come back to a locked gaze. Weird, since this is the person I would trust with my life.

It's a hard habit to break. It takes dedicated focus!

Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Exploring Mindfulness
« on: October 17, 2014, 11:05:28 AM »
This free video series starts Sunday. Shambhala sponsored. Some well known speakers and interesting topics. Not PTSD focused but plenty on relationships,  being present, etc. FWIW.

General Discussion / Dissociation in Therapy
« on: September 25, 2014, 06:08:14 PM »
Dissociation came up on another thread and I think it's worthy of it's own.

I had a really wierd experience in therapy a couple of years ago, which I've only told a couple of people about and I still don't know what to think about it.

I was standing in my Ts office doing a simple grounding exericse with her, and I felt this huge energy wave come of off her, like from 8 feet away, on to me. The waves were almost visible, like the heat waves you see coming up off of a highway on a hot summer day, but when it happened, I completely left my body/all awareness for I don't know how long. When I came back, the first thing I saw was her standing next to me, telling me to look at my feet  - trying to get me to ground myself.

I don't recall anything like that ever happening before (not that it didn't when I was a kid, maybe I don't remember). I am a Highly Sensitive Person, but I certainly don't poseess any special psychic skills...we weren't even talking about trauma, we were doing an exercise. I wasn't looking at her during the centering, then she told me to look at her and WHOMP - giant energy waves. I suck at eye contact, so that may have been part of it, and I know she seems to have some mad psychic/empathic skills of her own. Does this sound completely whacked?

I know the obvious response is to ask her, but I haven't. Maybe some day.

Web Sites, Support Groups & Organizations / Good Therapy Blog
« on: September 25, 2014, 05:58:29 PM »
I tend to look at this site on a regular basis. They have several articles on trauma, stress, anxiety. Some of it is fluffy, some of it is interesting.

Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Relationships with SOs
« on: September 15, 2014, 08:49:51 PM »
Kizzie, If you don't mind me asking, how do you get the hubster to help you? I think it would irritate me further and make me angrier if I felt someone was trying to "calm me down" ala placating me. It seems my EF's make me angry as an adult because as a child I could only react with fear because I didn't understand what was happening. As a result, I'm often irrational (as much as it pains me to admit that!) I need to talk to my S.O. about these, but I don't want it to be the "go-to" answer for every disagreement we have, because, honestly, sometimes she's just an a**. Know what I mean?  :D

Anyway, I got her to start reading Walker's book finally, last night, because she is carrying her own pile of goo. We'll see what comes of that. Good things, I hope. Mutual understanding.

Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Alone Time
« on: September 03, 2014, 03:43:35 PM »

So, I know I am an introvert, and that we introverts need alone time. I also know as a CPTSD victim, I need alone time. How much alone time is ok, and when does it become a symptom?

I find that although I'm in a 20 year relationship, I get really antsy when we are together too much. I cherish being by myself. My quiet place provides a feeling of safety and peace and is a comfortable retreat. If I had my way, I think I would be alone 3 nights a week. Is that a bit much given the fact that I do have a fairly healthy relationship? We respect the fact that everyone needs alone time but I'm not sure of the way I feel when I don't get it. Sometimes I get up really early on the weekend to have a couple of hours, or head out on my bike for a couple of hours, which helps. We both travel alot, which provides gaps. I wonder if I would be successful as a mountain hermit. I also get tweaky when I have house guests for more than two days. My peace is disrupted.

Does anyone else crave alone time or think maybe the want is a bit excessive?

General Discussion / Slow Go
« on: August 27, 2014, 12:03:35 PM »
I'm sometimes tempted to enlist my therapist on a week long boot camp.
One hour a week seems a small slice of time to dedicate to getting " better". I've read that unless you are in some form of crisis, once per week is plenty. I'm in there for the long haul,  partly because of my resistant personality and partly because of the layers of problems I need to overcome.
I believe I need to spend more time on my recovery outside of therapy. However, aside from dwelling on bad memories, learning to catch my self in old patterns and occasionally meditating I'm kind of at a loss. Reading helps with knowledge but I want to do more. I will ask my T about suggestions this week but does anyone have a type of Plan of Action to share?

Introductory Post / Greetings!
« on: August 27, 2014, 10:59:17 AM »
Hello, All:

I'm looking forward to continuing my journey and learning more here.
I went through a lot of self exploration around ACoA issues in my 20s which helped significantly with my self esteem.
I landed back in therapy two years ago, many years after ACoA counseling, facing the fact that I've been battling social anxiety..Along that path I've recently learned that that SA was a result of the trauma experienced from years of parental neglect and abuse. I've learned so much about CPTSD over the last few months my head hurts from smacking it during the AHA moments!

 I've come a long, long way but the journey to peace continues.

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