I find the rumination about my recent retraumatization to be the worst of all the symptoms. I wake up from dreams related to the situation and immediately have intrusive thoughts about it; replaying the situation in my head, thinking about my emotional reaction and feeling ashamed and humiliated about it, thinking about my former friends and their actions and feeling intense anger and frustration that these people I loved turned on me and "did this to me" (even though in their eyes, they did nothing of significance and I "did this to myself" by reacting so emotionally).
It's been two months and it's a constant, endless mental prison. It prevents me from doing much of anything. It keeps me disconnected from my ability to enjoy anything. Things I once loved (music, games, conversation, comedy, etc.) are just lifeless and I force myself to try and engage with these activities, but I'm left feeling so hopeless and broken; that I'll never be able to enjoy anything ever again.
The people I loved broke me. I had made so much progress over the years and had a group of friends that I loved and a music community that I loved being a part of. And in an instant it was all gone. And all of those people now hate me based on false accusations and my emotional reaction to the situation. It's too much to bear.
It's been two months and it's a constant, endless mental prison. It prevents me from doing much of anything. It keeps me disconnected from my ability to enjoy anything. Things I once loved (music, games, conversation, comedy, etc.) are just lifeless and I force myself to try and engage with these activities, but I'm left feeling so hopeless and broken; that I'll never be able to enjoy anything ever again.
The people I loved broke me. I had made so much progress over the years and had a group of friends that I loved and a music community that I loved being a part of. And in an instant it was all gone. And all of those people now hate me based on false accusations and my emotional reaction to the situation. It's too much to bear.