I am alone, on purpose, and trying to establish my safety for the first time in years. To do this I had to leave my daughter with her father. I am told I suffer from Cptsd. I had a brother who abused me and eventually tried to kill me...a mother we thought it was ok...a father that protected me but hurt everyone else. I got safe and lived away, had a life, a happy happy life. Then my father died...and as the family member who had a "normal successful life" I returned to the storm to deal with my chronically ill mother and it destroyed everything about me and blew my happy family apart over the last seven years. I got to a safe place in February....but I can't stop the dread and inciting chaos when there does not need to be such. There is no end...and I am told that I feel this because of the CPTSD. So I am learning...and so scared so often. The thing I am most scared, is myself.