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Hi,

I came across this poem today and it spoke closely to me. It's what I experience, so I wanted to share it here:

Let us pray for wisdom. Let us pause from thinking and empty our mind. Let us stop
the noise. In the silence let us listen to out heart. The heart which is buried alive. Let
us be still and wait and listen carefully. A sound from the deep, from below a faint cry,
A weak tapping. Distant muffled feelings from within. The cry for help.

We shall rescue the entombed heart. We shall bring it to the surface, to the light and
the air. We shall nurse it and listen respectfully to its story. The heart's story of pain
and suffocation, of darkness and yearning. We shall help our feelings to live in the
sun. Together again we shall find relief and joy.


ah, this describes my heart so well. So much pain locked away because its terrifying to feel that much pain, grief and fear on my own. I don't yet have the skills to hold myself and be a safe person for me.
Does anyone relate to this?

Hi, does anyone know if theres a way to search for ally previous posts and the replies to them? Id like to reread them and the replies from people. I forget where ive posted some of them and they get lost.

Deb

I feel so alone. I can't stand it! I'm estranged from my parents and sister because of family violence and my mother not protecting me but staying with my father. I had a longterm psychologist who I adored and she was the first person I began to trust and then she hurt me emotionally, really badly. I have a big wall up all the time and trust terrifies me. I feel SO alone and have so much fear, grief and anger inside me but I have been so hurt by people that I'm terrified of them and at the same time I need them so much. Its a catch 22. I need help! I'm not working cos of the CPTSD. I worked my * off through my twenties and thirties. Now everything has fallen apart. I'm in financial hardship with no safety net, no one to help me. The world is a really frightening and mean place.

I got legal aid to write a warning letter to my parents a couple of weeks ago. My mother continued to send mail to me despite repeatedly telling her to not contact me. Its a big step to protect myself and scary and also I feel very sad and VERY alone.

Hi all,

There have been a few deaths in my life in the last couple of years. Its made me ask the question that I guess I didn't get to ask as a child because my parents didn't talk to me about this. So my inner child is asking me now and I don't have a loving parent to go to with this question. So I'm asking you all. If a child asked you.....'Why do we have to die?'.....what would you say?

Hi,

I have been taking imovane for a few weeks, not sure how long but a while and it ran out. I started on it in hospital and took it home but don't have a script. It ran out about 3 nights ago and today I've been having strong anxiety symptoms which have me wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, my brain going at full speed, all my muscles tense, breathing shallow, its horrible. I've been trying to get in to see a GP, tried all the options and can't get in to see one. I rang the pharmacist and he recommended valium, which I need a Dr's script for anyway, or some over the counter tablets to make me drowsy, but they wont stop the anxiety. I live alone and I feel really scared. Has anyone else been through this and can you reassure me or say something to help me ride this out. I'm not usually a big medication taker and avoid sleeping tablets if I can. I haven't ever been addicted to anything or had a problem with addiction.

Hi,

I'm feeling so frustrated and angry (in a childs temper tantrum kinda way) at the lack of effective help and support I'm getting. I needed my old longterm therapist SO much, to provide that guidance and mothering that I never had. and she cut my heart out and stomped all over it. It physcially hurts everyday! I don't know how to survive this and trying to find a new psychologist just makes me miss her more and my trust has been betrayed so feeling I could trust someone again feels impossible! I don't understand but I feel so angry at the world and everyone in it (not you guys) just at everything and all the injusticies towards me!! at the same time I feel so terrified, alone and hurting. Its overwhelming and confusing. But mostly its so isolating. I feel SO ALONE and unloved.  

Hi, I came to this forum amd hadnt signed in yet, I couldnt post anything but i could still read everyones posts!! This really concerned me as I thought that posts were only able to be seen by members and not the general public.

Does anyone know what its means if you're trembling a lot. Like you just had a car accident kinda thing. Anyone ever experienced it? I've been feeling it alot and want to understand why. Its not to do with temperature, its something emotional.

Got a legal aid lawyer to write a warning letter to my parents yesterday.  To warn against repeatedly trying to contact me despite me telling them not too. A win for protecting myself. Scary too. No family is always a frightening thought even if theyre not safe. Still, its a big deal for me to do this

I've been suffering from memory issues as I become more and more depressed. Its pretty scary. My psych rang me in the morning a couple of days ago, then again later that afternoon. Later that evening I couldn't remember if she had called me that morning as well as that afternoon, so twice in one day. I feel like I'm going crazy!
Has anyone else had this? I'm scared and need some reassurance and comfort.

Hi all, I rang the psychologists office today, sobbing. Talked to the receptionist. She wasnt mean but she hung up on me. I cant survive the betrayal and abandonment of my psychologist. She said we had a special relationship, that no matter what happened we'd be ok, that she always be here for me.  She gave me that love and support ive craved whole life and never got from my mum. Then she ripped it away and blamed me for feeling angry and hurt. I am having thoughts of ending my life. I dont know if Im breaking a rule by talking about that. Im sorry of thats the case. I have no one. She was my lifeline, my anchor. I'm alone. I dont want to be here anymore.