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Hi, I'm 43, for the first 13 years of life I was physically and emotionally abused by my father while my mum would say we'll leave one day.  I was bullied at school from age 6 to 16, every day, threats of violence at school then go home threats of violence and actual violence at home.  My mum and I left my father when I was 13 but my mum was psychologically suffocating and would control who I was and flit between being nice and giving me the silent treatment to being downright nasty.  I have long thought that I've suffered with depression when old memories start to surface of my childhood to the point they consume my every waking moment and go on for several months.  In this time I go into rages, overwhelming guilt and numbness, making life miserable for my children and husband.  I believe my husband is trying to control me and I start getting paranoid and feeling trapped in my life.

I have been diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy through a lumbar puncrure which shows low hypocretin levels.  I also have chronic pain/suspected fibromyalgia which both conditions can be brought on by abuse. 

I turned to drugs when I was 15 and by 19 was on heroin.  I gave up the drug when I was 23, had my first child at 25 but my mum maintained a tight grip on my life even though I didn't live with her, this feeling of anxiety she would cause me.  I don't have anything to do with my father.  I don't really want anything to do with my mother but I end up feeling guilty if i don't phone. 

Anyway just wondering if this cyclical thinking that takes over my life is CPTSD or depression?