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I (like right now) usual feel anxiety before I sleep. I guess the prospect of going to a job that's too long and puts me out of my comfort zone (I speak English at work most of the time but sometimes I can only use this country's language) AND interacting with people who are older than me makes me nervous..  it's a general feeling of dread. 

Also even if I go to sleep early it takes extreme amount of effort for me to wake up. I usually wake up 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave my house and always arrive at work late.... and I get away with this because no one at my workplace really cares/seems to notice  (issues of being a foreigner in Asia) BUT ANYWAY...

But I really believe the importance of maintaining a morning routine... I keep trying to make myself wake up at least at 7.... but I just succumb to my feelings of dread and fall back to sleep. I don't know how to break out of this cycle 

Anyone have any tips?

So my mom lives with my dad who treats her like crap... meanwhile I'm in a foreign country trying to plan my move back to America. Problem is, I don't want to live with my family. Just seeing the way my dad puts down my mom every single day (and most people he comes across) made me sick when I visited them for 10 days. AFTER ONLY 10 days of being with them this past summer, I was ready to get the h*ll out back to Asia.

Another problem, I want to continue my relationship with my mom, but she won't leave my dad because her English is not that good (she's from central america) and she relies on him for money. I really don't know what I should do. I distanced myself from my mom because it just hurts too much... she lives with such a horrible man and has no friends.  He is  extremely controlling too.  I can't even enjoy a nice dinner out with my parents because I'm so conscious of how my dad puts down my mom, even in front of the waitresses/waiters, and I know strangers can see how messed up their relationship is and that makes me feel so ashamed.

And she stays with my dad because she knows he'll support my graduate school studies. Well god, how am I supposed to feel... ugh anyway I digress...

I'm done with trying to convince her, that hurt too much too, but ... I have no idea what to do in terms of forming a relationship with her. My instinct is to continue to hide in Asia making money, not needing to rely on dad, not needed to feel obligating to talk to him... but then what? I'll regret it when my mom dies, it feels like I'm abandoning her. Honestly I don't have a relationship with my parents at this point but if there's a way to rebuild some type of relationship without getting hurt I'd like to know how to do that...

I feel sorry for my dad because he's been having health problems, but then a part of me wishes he would pass away. My mom would do everything to take care of him if he got sick, but I absolutely cannot picture him taking care of her when she gets older. And I'm the only child, so it all depends on me.

If I'm around chill people it's fine, but there's always some issue that comes up when I'm around people who are confident. People who are confident AND notice that I'm not confident and try to change me.

I live in Asia and was hanging out with a bunch of expats this weekend. We were drinking and one of them comes up to me and goes "you know, you seem to have issues you need to sort out. I could sense it when I first talked to you. We need to find you a man." "You should be more confident speaking this country's language."

Yes, I am jealous of this person because he can approach anyone and talk to them, and also has good language skills. I've lived in this country for a year but my progress in speaking the language has been so slow, it's a sore point for me.

But please..... like hooking me up with someone is going to solve my issues. You don't even know where I come from. And of course this guy comes from a stable loving family.. *not jealous* 

And he kept probing me, saying things like "why are you so reserved?" Why do guys like this always pick on me? It's not just this recent example, but there have been multiple instances where guys like this have tried to "break me out of my shell" and it really p*sses me off. 

Why can't some people mind their own business without wanting to "fix" me? It makes me feel so horrible about myself. *sigh* I don't know how to handle these emotions or how to respond to these situations. Does anyone have any advice on how I should respond and how I should deal with this situation?

Lately it feels like whenever I hang out with people I end up getting offended or hurt in some way, and I just wish I could enjoy other people's company..

I had created a morning routine last month.. which lasted for two weeks. It really helped me to feel more positive and I felt physically and emotionally healthier.

I had to stop the routines because of friends visiting, and since then I've been meaning to reestablish the routine again. But somehow I just can't, even though it felt so good. I've been waking up later and later, mainly because I don't really like my job and I dread going to it. At least when I did my morning routine, my job was more bearable. I had more energy...

And at night, I can't seem to let go of my computer addiction. I get anxious about the next day, and I don't want to face it.  This week a lot has been going on and subsequently I haven't been sleeping well due to being anxious. I use my computer before I sleep and end up staying up until 1 am.. If I don't have my computer, I'm still really anxious and can't sleep.

Anyone have any suggestion on how I can get out of these habits? 

[s it wrong to be manifesting positive things in your life without fully healing from your trauma?]

I wasn't sure where to post this exactly but here it goes.

Since September I have been researching about all the different options for treatment. Recently, I found a youtuber who suggests that CBT and NLP treatments do not go deep enough to heal the trauma suffered by people who have CPTSD. What's more, she stated that they were actually harmful in that a lot of therapists present them under the guise that they can solve your problems in an efficient way.

I know I still have a lot of work to do before I really heal... I can't even access a therapist here because I'm not in America. But are CBT and NLP really harmful?

I was also wondering about the law of attraction... what are your thoughts on it? Is it wrong to be manifesting positive things in your life without fully healing from your trauma?

There's so many different ways to heal I feel like just researching about this all is distracting me from making real progress.

Hey all you beautiful people,

I recently found this meditation on Youtube. While I was listening to it, I was able to release my negative emotions, and found it helpful since I tend to lose touch with my emotions so easily. The cursing may feel funny but it really does help to release those feels.  At least it did for me.



Let me know what you guys think!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnh9NmU_oKc

In social situations, I'm kind of... useless?

I freeze. 

For example, I am a part of a dance team. Our team was in charge of setting  up our venue for a festival.
When people need to solve problems, i.e. "Did you see xxx, where is she?" "What should we do with this extra flag?" I feel awkward helping other people / getting involved. I reeeeallly don't want people to see me make a mistake    .... I know it makes no sense.

So I don't really help that much. I can help move items to the stage or whatever, but as in collaborating with people to solve problems, I can't seem to trust my own judgement at all, and I feel like I have no opinion. "How can what I think be right?" I feel. And then I can't logically think in a way that would help .. and then I feel stupid because I want to be useful to others and I want to collaborate in groups.. but there's just this mental block within me that keeps me away from putting myself and my ideas forward.

I can think when I am alone, but with people... damn I either conform so damn much or just kind of fade into the background.

And I'm frankly tired of this because it's not who I am!!! 

Sure I can lightly joke and have conversations with people, but when it comes to problem solving I just get so scared. Admitting this makes me feel so weak because I'd love to be that strong person who knows what to do and knows how to make things happen and communicate with anymore... but I'm just so passive it makes me feel sad.

One thing that happened over the summer was, I was riding in the car with three guys, and they asked if I could give them directions back to my place to drop me off.
I felt so embarassed because I viewed these guys as  "cool" and I didn't want to assert myself in front of them... so I acted like I didn't know how to help him find his way to my house. Actually I'm so bad at helping people navigate on roads using google maps, and I knew these people would make fun of me...
And then after acting like I didn't know the way back (seriously, when I need to step up and take responsibility for even something minor like this I really just .... I really just want to hide) one of the guys said to me bluntly,
"You know you're not as helpless as you act."

Damn those words hit through me like a knife and it hurt. He was one of the few people who saw right through me... it really  hurt. 

I want to be the cool girl who helps others but I always rely on other people to help me and it makes me feel so horrible... why can't I take care of things?

Hey, everyone  so I live abroad and I'm not really fluent enough in the language.  Also live in a rural area which makes it harder to find friends. But anyway.... my problem is that the nearest English speakers around me are extremely talkative people... which makes it very stressful for me to be social.

It's not healthy for me to be alone, I don't want to be alone for long periods of time. But literally all of these people are triggering for me, they;re not bad people... It's just that when I hang out with them, they all like to talk about their issues or perspectives, opinions, etc.... and when I bring up something they make a small comment and start talking about something else. 

Hanging out with them sometimes makes me feel emotionally numb or frustrated and angry. They never did anything mean to me, which is why it's confusing... for example the closest one who lives near me helped pay for this life coach program I was interested in, but whenever I've tried to open up to her she either starts talking about herself or says nothing....... jesus is it that hard to follow up with a relevant statement?

I feel so invisible when I try to have a conversation with them that sometimes I do think that maybe it is better to be alone.

I've been able to develop friendships with people who DO listen to me, and I know how different those relationships feel...so I know maybe on some level it's not just my problem... but I want to do something about this.

Not sure what I should do.