Hey all,
I'm doing my 12 steps in an adult children of alcoholics group and I just did step 5 over the weekend where you tell somebody your whole story.
I disclosed a few things that I said I wasn't sure whether they were sexual abuse or not and my sponsor said yes they definitely were sexual abuse; these events have to do with my dad who I always adored and put on a pedestal. I have come to realise as well that I actually had an emotionally incestuous relationship with him. I was responsible not just for his emotional needs but for my whole family's, actually.
I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this. I feel so devastated that such a huge burden was put on my little shoulders; that I felt responsible for my dad for such a long time, even up until now. Somehow talking about it with someone in so much detail made it feel really real.
It's bringing up a lot of inner critic stuff. I know now that I have been codependent and still haven't got rid of these tendencies completely. I also wonder what this means for the future of my marriage - I mean, I think I only got married because:
The marriage has been on the whole a safe place for me to grow - but at the start he really pushed on my sexual boundaries (he's better with this now), he's a game addict/workaholic and I always subjugated my needs to his - so now I'm not sure where my boundaries should be and whether my goals in life are actually even compatible with his... or what they even are some times!
I'm so scared of what the future may hold, and I'm worried I can't cope, even though I've coped with stuff around my narcissistic mum. I thought the point of ACA was to make me feel more sane - but I feel less sane!
I'm doing my 12 steps in an adult children of alcoholics group and I just did step 5 over the weekend where you tell somebody your whole story.
I disclosed a few things that I said I wasn't sure whether they were sexual abuse or not and my sponsor said yes they definitely were sexual abuse; these events have to do with my dad who I always adored and put on a pedestal. I have come to realise as well that I actually had an emotionally incestuous relationship with him. I was responsible not just for his emotional needs but for my whole family's, actually.
I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this. I feel so devastated that such a huge burden was put on my little shoulders; that I felt responsible for my dad for such a long time, even up until now. Somehow talking about it with someone in so much detail made it feel really real.
It's bringing up a lot of inner critic stuff. I know now that I have been codependent and still haven't got rid of these tendencies completely. I also wonder what this means for the future of my marriage - I mean, I think I only got married because:
- he's like my dad
- I had sex before marriage and as a christian felt so guilty that I felt like I had to marry him
- my mum bullied me into it
- I was so terrified of being alone
The marriage has been on the whole a safe place for me to grow - but at the start he really pushed on my sexual boundaries (he's better with this now), he's a game addict/workaholic and I always subjugated my needs to his - so now I'm not sure where my boundaries should be and whether my goals in life are actually even compatible with his... or what they even are some times!
I'm so scared of what the future may hold, and I'm worried I can't cope, even though I've coped with stuff around my narcissistic mum. I thought the point of ACA was to make me feel more sane - but I feel less sane!