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Everyday I deal with a daughter who threatens multiple harmful things to herself or others, especially me. They say she has RAD, but it's impossible to ever be open to a connection with her because of this, and because of my own issues with CPTSD. Has anyone ever dealt with parenting a RAD child?

I was in a 10 year abusive marriage emotionally, sexually, physically, and have just gone through a 3 year divorce in which I lost all of my family with the exception of one sister when they testified against me for custody. They now treat my abuser as their son and me as someone to warn others about. I've also endured manipulation, lying, and overall emotional abuse from the man who was my lover through the hard times, who helped me have the strength to leave the marriage. I've lost many friends, and gone through a private school principal on two occasions threatening to throw my daughter out of the school despite her thriving because I appeared unapproachable. In the past I've had the ex have counselors try to say I was abusive instead of him, or that I had personality disorders. I've been cleared multiple times, it was just another tactic. I grew up in a cult environment within the evangelical church which also has been lost both me turning away and me being turned away. My child suffers and in the last 5 months has gone to deep places threatening me, and herself harm. She constantly  says and does deliberately hurtful things if I am not exactly what she wants me to be.

Today I suffer from my mind's constant thoughts, flashbacks, rare, but disassociations, I can't stand too much of being around individuals, I'm cold inside, hollow, and my ability to feel anything but pain has been completely lost. I live with the feeling of wanting to find a hole and curl up and hide there. Sex completely terrifies me in the normal sense. I feel like I've lost all ability to have real friendships and that I'm this alien, this monster, completely different from anyone else walking around in a world, but not really a part of it. I'm just watching, observing, even the me that interacts is outside of me, shielded from the poverty within. Normal self care and routine has become impossible to maintain. For a long time I couldn't even write, allow myself to think.

They say I crave interaction and connection, that this is where I draw strength. I see it as a never ending source of pain. I've become the complete opposite of who I used to be. I don't know where to begin. I can say yes, I'm this or that, or this symptom or that, but when it comes to real life, it doesn't make a difference. I question if there is a road away, not even back, for me.