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 In retrospect, I'm not sure how I made it this far! Probably a combination of genetics, spirituality, along with some sweet souls who were there when I needed. By all intents, I am successful professionally as a Hospice Social  Worker.  I am now a grandmother, awaiting a second grandchild and have wonderful Colleagues and friends.
But, I'm now 62 and I don't believe I have ever known love as an adult, by an adult. My continuum seems to be, I don't trust anyone but, love everyone. I still have days when if I didn't have some responsibility to something outside of myself, I feel I have no purpose. Over all, all my symptoms have improved but, I will still disassociate and can have emotional flashbacks in some situations. Not so bad in the scheme of my life. I am thankful for my strengths, my intuition, sense of humor and most of all, the ability to see the strength in others. I feel I am ready to move forward, to take a next step but, I don't know what that step is. I've been in this "meantime"  for too long and I don't fear I'll loose all I've learned but, I'm stuck. Anyone else out there at a similar threshold, who want more but, can't seem to step out of that self that makes everything we do so much harder?

Hello,  don't you wish it were that easy, especially if you have been able to better identify the trigger? I am now 61 and have been working on my CPTSD off an on for years, some in therapy, some Alanon type groups but mostly books, websites etc.  For me, the concept of CPTSD is relatively new, as a young adult there was less understanding or connection between child abuse and PTSD.  I have done relatively well over these many years but, I have found myself so triggered this past year (at work), with the worse earlier this week, I'm beginning to question whether I can keep myself from cascading again.  I cannot avoid this person or the changes being made in my agency.  I know I will work this out as I am a survivor but, wonder how many of us are out there, still struggling with this great intensity from time to time.  In truth, it is exceedingly discouraging to find myself, at 61...still experiencing this pain from my childhood.