Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - Hope67

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7
Sexual Abuse / Question that came to my mind from reading a book
« on: May 27, 2021, 07:11:25 PM »
I am reading a book by Roxane Gay called 'Hunger'.
In her book on p.63 she says this:

"Eventually, I was assigned to a woman counselor and she gave me a copy of The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.  At first, I hated the book because it included a "workbook" as well as cheesy exercises I couldn't possibly take seriously.  The language was too flowery and full of affirmations that also made me distrustful."

Roxane goes on to say "Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited, but at that time, when I was so scared and shattered The Courage to Heal gave me a vocabulary for what I had been through.  I needed that book as much as I hated it for all the infantile exercises it encouraged."

I have read that book myself - and I didn't feel the same way.  I found it was helpful to me.  But what concerns me is that Roxane said 'Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited" and that concerns me, as I would like to read something that is going to be 'up to date' and not 'discredited' - I find it hard to read about CSA in a meaningful way - I know that parts of me won't take it in and process it properly, but I do sometimes try to read things.  I definitely remember finding the book to be helpful, and I bought myself a copy of it for that reason.  I mean to re-read it - but, I wonder what people think - who've read it, and whether there's any other books that they think might be more helpful?

Or any comments on what Roxane might mean by 'theories being discredited'...?

Anyway, I wanted to ask that question here.

Hope  :)

Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Triggered today by 'in-laws'
« on: May 23, 2021, 06:24:01 PM »
I've had a difficult afternoon - had to set a boundary with an in-law, and couldn't do this without descending into being triggered and ended up crying infront of the person.  Didn't go so well, as I then couldn't really explain myself, as my brain was going off-line and I was triggered and dissociated.  Went to the toilet to try to get some time to get myself together.

Tried to give some explanation when came back, but couldn't really make it make any sense, and I think I might have made it worse.

Feel completely drained now.  Feel massively triggered by 'family' issues in relation to 'in-laws' - feel annoyed that this is the situation.

Wanted to write it somewhere - away from my journal, as I don't want to have this memory in that space. 

I think I have a right to have some boundaries, and to have my own wishes listened to.

I've been comfort eating since it happened, and at the time I felt like I wanted to eat something 'massive'.   :fallingbricks:

What I also notice is the 'push' 'pull' nature of relationships - i.e. my attachment issues being such that I crave the closeness but then fear it massively and back away.  But I wanted to give myself a boundary, as I felt the person had crossed it - and wasn't taking my feelings into account - taking me for granted.  I didn't want to feel that way.

Hope  :)

I am a hugely grateful for the work of Janina Fisher, regarding Trauma, and have just found this link that has quite a few interesting resources and things she's written:

I hope they'll be helpful to others here.

Hope  :)

I have bought this book:

"Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma & Attachment" by Pat Ogden & Janina Fisher

It's a large book - over 800 pages - and 35 chapters -
I'm currently starting Chapter 3 entitled "Orientation for Clients"

I wanted to quote what it says on that page:

"Moving on after difficult events such as trauma or hurtful experiences with the people who raised us is not easy, especially when those experiences have conditioned us to view the world as threatening or ourselves as inadequate.  Even in a good therapy with a skilled therapist, it can sometimes be challenging to find relief or resolution and we may end up feeling discouraged or stuck in our patterns.  Since you are reading this book,  you are probably interested in learning new tools to transform old patterns.  The body's movement, posture, and sensation can provide a missing link that can help you tap into that innate drive in all living things to heal, adapt, and develop new capacities.  This volume is intended to guide you and your therapist to draw upon the natural intelligence of the body to lessen the distress and increase the satisfaction you might experience in your life today.  The purpose of this chapter is to orient you to the structure of the book, how to use it, and to clarify a few underlying concepts and terms that will help you work together with your therapist to use the chapters that follow to your best advantage."

(I am excited about this book - because it is written in a clear and careful way, and I appreciate the structure of it.  It has also got some work-sheets to use and step by step directions and explanations.)

On the back of the book there are comments by the following people:

Philip Bromberg
Daniel J. Siegel
Bessel Van der Kolk
Stephen Porges

They all say very endorsing things about the book, which gives me some confidence that it's going to be helpful.  But most of all, as I am already a massive fan of Janina Fisher - I am already keen to read it, just for that reason.

I wanted to put the details here.

Has anyone else been using this book, or using sensorimotor psychotherapy.  I feel it will hopefully be beneficial to me, so I'm going to try to work my way through the book, and will try to do the exercises. 

The book addresses 'trauma-related dissociation'   which is another reason I'm keen to use it, as it includes adaptations to use to take account of this. 

I think these paragraphs are pertinent, and they are from p63 of the book (this chapter was entitled 'Orientation for Therapists')

"As stated in the previous chapter, clients' alternation between being dysregulated by traumatic reminders and trying to avoid them in order to participate in daily life is characteristic of a dissociative compartmentalization that reflects different adaptive priorities.  The goals of the defensive system - to defend and protect - conflict with the goals of daily life systems - to engage with other people and the environment.  If you track for such different priorities in your clients, you may notice that at times, your client is focused on stability, work, or family, and the wish to grow and resolve the issues that bring him or her to therapy.  You may also notice that these goals are thwarted when traumatic reminders activate strong (and sometimes contradictory) defensive responses.  At those times, your client might suddenly become frozen with fear or mute, want to run out of your office or terminate therapy, or first become furious and then drop into helplessness and hopelessness."

The next paragraph says:
"Obviously, such internal conflicts will affect how your client responds to this book.    (my bold print) "For example, a client may initially express a wish to use this material but then have difficulty following through.  As you continue with the book, that same client, though clearly benefitting from its use, might suddenly become ambivalent or even hostile about using the worksheets, or decide that he or she is "too stupid" and will not possibly be able to understand the concepts.  Or, the gains achieved from a chapter are soon completely forgotten or cannot be sustained over time.  The client who seems to be tolerating working with the body quite well might suddenly become triggered and overwhelmed and not want to continue.  These types of strong or sudden shifts in mood, perspective, or belief are often interpreted as ambivalence or resistance but may instead reflect the activity of dissociative parts that have conflicting goals and priorities (I put that part in bold)"

What reassured my own parts was that they wrote "therapists hold the clarity that no part of the body or mind can, or should, be eliminated.  They then said "When you can help your clients understand that, after trauma, they might experience such alternations between parts of themselves that want to engage in daily life and defensive parts that live in "trauma time" (van der Hart, 2012) as if they are still in danger, they can better understand and work with the conflicts between different parts of the self.  They key to increasing their awareness is drawing their attention to the two "sides" (parts fixated in trauma and parts engaged in daily life) so they are more likely to recognise when their reactions are connected to different internal parts and, most importantly, become curious rather than confused by them."

(I am excited by this book, I really think it will be helpful to me, and I think the authors really 'get it' from the point of view of understanding experiences - I realise I've written quite a lot here, but hope it's helpful for others, and I'm only at Chapter 3, but I'm going to hopefully work my way through the book, at a pace that me and my various parts can tolerate. 

Hope  :)

Conferences/Courses / Two Free Webinar trainings by Janina Fisher
« on: February 16, 2021, 02:07:02 PM »
I am very excited because Janina Fisher is doing 2 free webinar trainings

One is on 18th February 2021 and is called: "Healing the Fragmented Self After Trauma"

The second is on 25th February 2021 and is called 'Stabilizing the Unstable'.

You can register for free here, if you want to:

Hope  :)

Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Trauma Docu-Series
« on: February 12, 2021, 11:45:23 AM »
Trauma docu-series by Dr Pedram Shojai and Nick Polizzi

Free Resource Guide for Trauma Assistance:

TRAUMA_ResourcesforTraumaAssistance_WEB.pdf (

I've watched some of Episode 1 today, hope to watch more later.  An interesting docu-series, and free to view for a short period of time.

Hope  :)

I have found a free event between January 30th and February 3rd which is called:

"Learn How to Successfully Integrate Compassion and Mindfulness into your Therapy Practice"

Whilst I think it's for therapists, I think it might also be helpful for non-therapists - and I'm hoping to watch Richard Schwarz's session about IFS in particular - plus there look to be other interesting speakers.

Here is a link:

Hope  :)

I have been reading a book today by Cathy Glass called 'A Terrible Secret' - I like to read her books as they are about the experiences of a foster carer looking after fostered children, and I find that Little Hope (my smaller inner child/part) likes to hear things and read experiences.

Anyway, the child in the book is 14 and a half years old, and relates the relationship between her mother and step-father, and the relationship has many examples of 'coercive control' - and I am finding that I relate to many aspects of it - i.e. that my FOO (parents) demonstrated many aspects of being coercively controlling of each other and of me.

I just wanted to put it somewhere in the forum, so I can say it somewhere.  It felt important for me to do that.

I've been getting flashbacks whilst I read the book, and my teenage parts have been sharing things with me too. 

Hope  :)

Recovery Journals / Hope's Journal: 2021 (Part 1)
« on: January 06, 2021, 01:23:29 PM »
A New Year, 2021, and I am starting a new Journal.   :)

Hope  :)

This article is free to download, and share, and is by Carolyn Spring, it is entitled: "10 Things I have Learned about Child Sexual Abuse"

Hope  :)

Letter to: Not to Send.  23rd November 2020 to my FOO:

I feel heavy with emotion, and I feel choked up with unexpressed tears. 
They lay heavy on my heart and in my soul,
You laid your stuff upon me, and I felt smothered by you
You didnít tell me the truth

I feel really upset Ė I feel really upset Ė a whoosh of emotion beneath that.
It strangles my throat.
My tears feel wet Ė just hanging like sore beads from my eyes.
You did me wrong and I canít forgive you.

You lived your life and made out that you were perfect
That there was nothing bad to see, and nobody should tell.
You didnít share any details, you kept them close to you.
I tried to be the daughter you needed me to be.

I find it hard to speak the truth of what went on,
Because you never shared or spoke of what it was.
I tip-toed constantly around it, never understanding or feeling part of it.
But impacted by it, just the same.

Emotions, they are heavy, and I feel them.
Look what youíve done to me, the impact on my life
Strangling the joy out of my day Ė who gave you that right?
You make me feel like Iím a disappointment.

Part of me wails as she feels the intensity of that belief,
That she failed you, despite all that she did.
Part of me rises up to protect me
To tell me that I did my best

I really feel let down by you,
You were parents, you should have been there for me,
You should have nurtured and protected me,
But instead you neglected me in so many ways

I have gaps in my memory,
I have spaces in my heart,
Lurching between a dark place and glimpses of terror,
I hold out my hand to rescue my wounded children who hide in those dark places.

Sometimes they hear me, and share things with me,
But often they continue to hide away
Iím not sure if they trust me enough to show them the way out
Iím not sure if I can help them enough

But I will continue to try.

Hope  :)

Just wanted to share the link to this Conference that is going on about Narcissistic Abuse & Childhood Trauma.  It started yesterday (16th November):

Hope  :)

Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Talk by Richard Schwartz today
« on: November 16, 2020, 11:30:59 AM »
Hi everyone,
I have got a link to a talk by Richard Schwartz which is about 'Making Peace with your Parts' and it is within a free online event hosted by Pi Venus Winslow which is entitled 'Trusting After Trauma: Rebuilding Resiliency After Narcissistic Abuse'.

I thought it would be of interest to others, so putting the link here:
I've not watched it yet - I'm hoping to watch it later today - and I think it's available for 24 hours to watch for free.  The date as I post this is 16th November 2020.

Hope  :)

Inner Child Work / How to journal - to honour and befriend my parts
« on: October 18, 2020, 12:44:17 PM »
Hi everyone,
In addition to the Journal I keep here in this forum, I also want to also start journalling on paper - and hoping to do so for the benefit of enabling my different parts to communicate.  So I wanted to ask if anyone could share their thoughts/experiences with regard to this.

I am wondering whether to just have a flowing diary where all  parts can write, or whether to have different books for each of them to write in - but I don't want to make it too complicated.

I have got quite a few different books already - none of them have been written in!  Part of the difficulty is wondering about how best to approach it, and I guess different parts are finding it difficult to let me start doing it.  Hence I haven't done it yet.

Any thoughts or reflections from anyone - I'd really like to hear them, as I feel sure it will help me make some decisions on how to proceed.

Thank you
Hope  :)

Hi everyone,
I just registered for this 2020 Trauma & Attachment Summit, which is from 30th September 2020 to 7th October 2020 - so it's an 8 day free conference.
Just putting the link incase anyone else is interested.  It looks like it could be good.
Hope  :)

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7