Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Topics - Ag91

#1
Hi all,

First time post. I'm writing because I'm really struggling in my relationship. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after years of physical and emotional abuse from my father, and also when I would do something wrong (leave a light on in a room after leaving, forget to take my shoes off) I would not be allowed to eat dinner with the rest of the family. I would have to wait until my dad left a room before I was allowed back in.

Now, I am a few months away from being married and I find myself lying about little things.  Example: "when did you pay the rent" and I will say I paid it yesterday when instead I am actually on my way to pay it.

I do it because I feel like I should have done it yesterday and it's so stupid because my fiancé would never do what my dad did but it's my automatic response. My fiancé is fed up with it, because it's the lying he cares about. He says we can fix anything if I'm just honest, and I know that but in the moment when I get questioned my automatic response is to say what I think he wants to hear and then quickly go try to do it/remedy it.

Is this a part of PTSD? I don't want to be a liar. I despise myself for this and afterwards I get so guilty that I puke and get dizzy, and feel depressed.

I am so afraid he's going to leave me now for lying. The lying is self destructive and I don't know how to show him I don't want to be this person. I've opened myself up to being transparent with my bank accounts so he can help me but it's killing me to feel this way and treat him this way.