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Topics - Bluejerrie

#1
Something that I'm really struggling with is the fact that I don't seem bothered at all by memories of my childhood abuse and neglect. My therapist keeps trying to assist me in processing 'traumatic' memories, but if the memories don't cause any bad feelings, is this processing necessary? I can remember being beaten and severely emotionally neglected, but these memories don't upset me in the slightest. I am more concerned with my vomit phobia, social anxiety and being bullied in more recent years than things that happened in my childhood.
Am I supposed to have bad feelings about my abuse? If so, how do I get in touch with these feelings? I've tried jounalling, etc, but I'm just blank really.

I have explained this to my therapist but she is convinced I am carrying trauma from childhood and that this is driving my anxiety and that we need to keep working on it.

I feel there is a big piece of the puzzle missing that I just can't find. Does this sound like a form of dissociation?

Thanks in advance for any opinions.
#2
I understand from my therapist and from what I've read, that the first stage of cptsd treatment is safety and stabilisation. The problem for me here is that I never feel safe, because I am in a permanently triggered state. This is due to me having severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and I am constantly terrified that my 3 year old will vomit at any time. He has had two stomach bugs recently and this has left me unable to function.

How am I ever going to achieve safety and stabilisation when I am constantly triggered? I am very dissociated and foggy most of the time.  Grounding techniques don't work for me and I have tried yoga and relaxing in the bath and mindfulness, etc. I have been working so hard at this all for three years and cannot seem to get out of this state. I cannot get away from my trigger as he is my dependant son. How am I ever going to get out of this?!

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.
#3
Does anyone else here suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomit) and is it a symptom of your cptsd? I originally went to my therapist with emet as my primary concern, but she says I have cptsd (due to physical and emotional abuse and neglect and abuse in childhood) and is therefore treating the cptsd.

I do not ever get triggered or feel upset by memories of my abuse. The only thing that makes my life really difficult is the emetophobia. Am I ever going to resolve the emet by focusing on past abuse? Feeling very confused. I having been seeing the therapist for 3 years now and emet is really bad at the moment.