Sometimes the saying "attitudinal healing" fits what's needed to describe what's going on within us when we allow ourselves to step past our own frustrations as we struggle further along the foggy path to wholeness.
I've noticed a shift in my extensive private journals (I don't journal here as so much material is too nuanced to fully explain). A difference in how I'm referring to some things on my Cptsd journey seems to put me in a better frame of thinking as I consider what's going on.
Being a bit of a word nerd, I started to slide in the word 'Discovery' in lieu of 'Recovery'. One reason is I'm troubled by the idea of 'recovery' -- as in finding something old that I'd like back, that sort of feeling.
Well, in my case, getting something back often rubs me the wrong way. I mean, I'd never want to recover what my abusive/traumatic past was like. Sometimes when I say 'recovery' I jump a bit, realizing I don't truly want that. I'm sure this might seem silly to some, but being that 'word nerd' I mentioned before, I'm always wondering about how else my thinking along these lines might allow a better feeling.
So in playing with words I've used, I noticed the word "Discovery" was taking over my private journals when my thought patterns might (reluctantly) come to mind about what happened/didn't/might have, etc.
Lots of times I've felt better on twisting the thought pattern from 'recovery' (I often don't want that) to 'discovery'. Maybe I discover that just by using the new word it opens me to consider all the ramifications of all that took place. How maybe what was/is obvious instances of abuse or trauma still resulted in my discovering a trait I like (resilience, trust, discernment, etc.), or how I might have learned something, even if it was hard to handle at the time. Changing it in the future (now) -- discovering a new twist -- allows me to roam over new territory that feels a tad better than recovering the old stuff again. It doesn't absolve or even forgive that old storyline, but it shifts my view to how I can be my best self NOW.
Just a thought -- a discovery, if you will.
However you refer to your steps, as recovery or discovery, I wish you well with what you find, and hope it can provide a fresh perspective on an old grief, or worse.
I've noticed a shift in my extensive private journals (I don't journal here as so much material is too nuanced to fully explain). A difference in how I'm referring to some things on my Cptsd journey seems to put me in a better frame of thinking as I consider what's going on.
Being a bit of a word nerd, I started to slide in the word 'Discovery' in lieu of 'Recovery'. One reason is I'm troubled by the idea of 'recovery' -- as in finding something old that I'd like back, that sort of feeling.
Well, in my case, getting something back often rubs me the wrong way. I mean, I'd never want to recover what my abusive/traumatic past was like. Sometimes when I say 'recovery' I jump a bit, realizing I don't truly want that. I'm sure this might seem silly to some, but being that 'word nerd' I mentioned before, I'm always wondering about how else my thinking along these lines might allow a better feeling.
So in playing with words I've used, I noticed the word "Discovery" was taking over my private journals when my thought patterns might (reluctantly) come to mind about what happened/didn't/might have, etc.
Lots of times I've felt better on twisting the thought pattern from 'recovery' (I often don't want that) to 'discovery'. Maybe I discover that just by using the new word it opens me to consider all the ramifications of all that took place. How maybe what was/is obvious instances of abuse or trauma still resulted in my discovering a trait I like (resilience, trust, discernment, etc.), or how I might have learned something, even if it was hard to handle at the time. Changing it in the future (now) -- discovering a new twist -- allows me to roam over new territory that feels a tad better than recovering the old stuff again. It doesn't absolve or even forgive that old storyline, but it shifts my view to how I can be my best self NOW.
Just a thought -- a discovery, if you will.
However you refer to your steps, as recovery or discovery, I wish you well with what you find, and hope it can provide a fresh perspective on an old grief, or worse.